I have been thinking about your situation ever since you posted.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,405489,405533#msg-405533

Something about your description of the situation bothered me but I couldn't put my finger on it, so I have waited to see if I have anything to add to the great advice you have already received.

I do have something to say and my advice may not sit well with you or others on this board, but I am concerned #1 about YOU and YOUR RECOVERY. First off, your post represents your state of mind. At first you say "this is joyous" and then you go on to describe your present relationship with your neighborhood, some of your history with your old ward and other factors which are (delicately put) out of balance.

Imagine yourself as a circus performer or a cheerleader at the bottom of a pyramid of people. After each addition, the people at the bottom stabilize themselves, don't they? These people are you and your Lutheran church friends. You have just barely gotten to a place of happiness and peace with the injury done to you by the Mormon church.

Imagine yourself adding one each one of the problems you describe to your emotional load-- !!! ALL AT THE SAME TIME! Some of your family don't even know you have left yet. It would be fair to describe you as a person still negotiating transition and recovery.

The advice and tips you received are solid - like keeping a mini-fridge in your bedroom and other ideas, but I am concerned with you maintaining your new identity as a positive believer in Christ in the face of passive aggression and subtle shunning IN YOUR OWN HOME!

Here is my advice:

1) Set a definite time limit-- "a year or two" is not good. Get a date certain BEFORE they move in so that you can look forward to some relief. This will get you through the tough times--and there will be tough times. Six months is enough time for him to get a business going enough to be able to rent a duplex for the remainder of the time they need to save up money to buy a home (it could be YEARS! the economy is SLOW!) Furthermore, keep in mind that if you did not have means, they would not even be asking and would figure out another solution without your help. That's what most families do who do not have a rich grandma.

2) Do not let the culture in your home become one of The Believers and The Non-Believer. You are not Non-Mormon, or Anti-Mormon, or Gentile. You are a Lutheran and as such are a Believer as well. Your belief deserves equality of treatment and respect in your own home. Make sure you have crosses up on the walls and pictures of Jesus. If they have Family Home Evening, do NOT excuse yourself. You participate and when they have LDS doctrinal themes, you answer with what you know, i.e., (and you are smiling) "Why should we follow the prophet?" You answer, "Mormons believe the prophet is inspired and receives instructions from God for his people. My Lutheran faith teaches us that God's people receive inspiration and instructions from God directly."

When your grandchildren ask you why the shoveling stops in front of your house, just say, "I don't know, what do you think? Can we know what is in the mind of others?" Truth is, we only guess at the motives and intentions of others and we view their actions through our own tilted paradigm, so that answer is really accurate. And it applies to all hurtful behavior. If you start second guessing the motives/thoughts/meaning to all the Mormon gossip/chaos that will circle around you, it will consume you. Step back and don't judge. Teach your grandchildren not to judge and they will learn that uncertainty is perfectly ok. We don't have to pretend to know. They will remember these lessons long after you are gone.

You tell your children that your respectful answers give the children an opportunity to get to know you better and understand what you believe. This is critical for them to respect you. Otherwise, you will be slinking around your own home, self-deporting yourself to your bedroom like you are ashamed. This will hurt your recovery, forestpal, and promotes the Mormon idea that apostates should be isolated and kept away from impressionable children like convicted sex offenders.

The risk of hurt feelings and alienation are enormous in your generous offer to allow your daughter and her family to live with you. That being said, I wish you the best. If anyone can pull this off, you can. You are a woman with tremendous heart and courage. The challenge for you in managing your emotions is enormous and my heart goes out to you.


Anagrammy

Forestpal is one of my favorite posters, and I like her stories of survival and building self confidence and assertiveness.

that was clearly missing from her last post.

Anagrammy - spot-on once again. Quite wise.