I currently have no childcare. Aside from a few family members who have very hectic schedules no one has ever watched either of my children. If you've read my other posts you know that we are in a very secluded community and I have no friends here. This also means that my children have no one but each other. I am doing my best to remedy the situation so in an effort to see my toddler make friends I am contemplating pre-school. She doesn't need it for learning purposes. It would just be for social interaction. When she is around others she does just lovely, she has no social hang-ups from being home with me. (at least not yet lol!) But I am having a few issues with the way the care center is run. It's basically glorified primary. There is no shortage of church materials all over the place and it's regularly included in the lesson plan. The families here are in love with the woman who runs it because they are all TBM. She isn't state licensed or anything special. There are no standard state regulated facilities near me so it's this or nothing. I am considering maybe one or two days a week but I haven't been able to bring myself to sign the paperwork and start her. How can I possibly let her go there? I might as well send her to primary for hells sake. I will also admit that part of it is a personal thing against her. Just as I am being actively discriminated against for not being LDS I am finding myself doing the same thing to TBMs. I know it isn't right, it's something else I need to work on. When I first left the church I wasn't angry with others or my community but the longer I go and the more mistreatment I experience the angrier I am becoming. It just seems easier avoid long-term exposure to TBMs whenever possible for me right now.
This makes me seem like a huge bigot doesn't it?

You're a mom looking out for your child, not wanting her to be indoctrinated, even second-hand, in Mormon culty stuff.

I agree with Doxi...you are trying to keep protecting our children....and you are being cautious. No way would I do that even for a day. Childcare doesn't need to have a "religious" aspect to it regarding the naming of Jesus, JS, the Holy Ghost and all the others. Childcare is just that.....take care of my child, keep him or her safe, be sure he or she is fed, plays well with other kids, gets some exercise, has some valuble educational materials around to explore, and takes himself to the bathroom if old enough (otherwise has assistance with it or the childcare workers will change their diapers). Indoctrination is not needed or necessary. I would avoid it at all costs. I teach young children. They are sponges....they take it all in. And then they begin to use the vocabulary given to them. It is the daily or twice a week repetitiveness that gets imbedded in their little brains.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2012 12:32PM by honestone.

They were taken out of their normal clothing and were delivered back to me in something akin to prairie dresses. I told her not to touch them, their clothing or their reading materials, as they were necessary for their education. Their homework was tampered with and she was messing with their heads, telling them that they must not show their wrists and upper chests to the world.

This was a 'friend' of mother who offered to take care of my kids after school, for an hour or so before we arrived home from work. She used this time to try and twist their heads into a totally unhealthy and guilt-ridden place.

Thankfully, I was able to find something more suitable in the real world and everything worked out fine.

This woman was eventually placed under medical supervision and medication for various problems so I suspect she was not the norm.

I still hear her referred to by these kids, now adults, as 'that loony mormon woman'.

Maybe there's one in every ward, who knows.

Briggy

Yes, every Mormon ward usually has at least one loon. I think they are issued by SLC. Actually, most church's have a few looney members, but Mormonism always struck me as strange, since they always seemed to have a higher percentage of these then other faiths.

When I put my son in a preschool, I looked at all of them in the area and carefully read all the reviews of each. I determined which I thought was the best based on other people's experiences and my tours of the schools and sent him there. Then I kept my eyes open, of course.

The problem with Mormons is that they tend to back each other up like a gang. So, on a website that reviews preschools, for example, you might get 50 reviews from Mormons all giving top ratings and saying it's the best ever, and you have no idea if these are honest reviews. That's the only problem I see.

It would depend on the people but I would lay down some rules and keep an eye on the situation

it is very individual - isnt it? dont' you have you know the individual, find their personality, their biases, their hobbies, their preferencies- to vocabulary base. For instance, is their vocabulary informal talking near the front door, using slang and jargon, or is it more academic? Do they use short brief replies when speaking to men, or are they able to use complex, compound sentences when they speak with men (ie do they speak their 'mind' or are they in a situation when they get support and can give more than limited, subservient, brief explainations of things or what they think?) So this is an example of what I looked for with my daughters' childcare.

First was love- especially with little ones, someone that was loving and caring to me, and who liked my kids and their needs or differences (ie vision and some other things.)


Second was meeting individual needs which I felt I couldn't meet, better than me- modeling different set points emotionally fostering security, and modeling superior coping skills or self care routines = particularly when I was inadequate- modeling them directly repeatedly to my kids. I identified that, I sought that out for my daughter. When I was anxious, and under stress, I sought out a calm, relaxed person to be the receiver of my daughter for me- when I hated my weakness in household routines at that age, I sought someone who was better than me at it and modeling calm relaxed householding including a duck pond, meadow and horses in a pasture- who really enjoyed life.
did this backfire? LOL they loved their TV and that daughter learned to love movies too just like that did! they loved a red headed man and had a red headed son and daughter and they were a strawberry blond- now that daughter married a red head and has a read headed baby LOL. they lived in a farmlet- that daughter married into a small farm family. The modeling can go a little far if you aren't aware of it and don't select it as a good thing and support it. But this daughter overcame and continued to overcome her fear of bumping and falling- with low vision and eye patching- and when a goose bit her, it got cooked LOl and she felt wonderful support love calm serene- just it was good. Even for a little while every bit makes a difference-

the other went to university secular state university child care and turned into the national merit scholar so they did their bit LOL

so child care is important. before the duck pond woman and the university childcare, I share my childcare with a best friend and our kids called each other X mommie. She came out as a lesbian when our girls were eight & I think that's been a fine example of love and safety and making my children's uniqueness safe, who knows if that special little one we raised together (she had them week days, I had them weekends & late nights) didn't impact us both? changing us emotionally and socially way into the future. My first child care provider loved my children, loved me, loved my man, became a lesbian and I met her in the ward, she active, then lessactive, then we went to different wards so I din't know didn't care and she justloved my kids & me. I felt so safe with her. Wish her girl friend weren't so jealous the last time we talked oh well. that's the past.So where was I?

I would consider a myriad of things, variables like your preference, your hobbies, your dreams, your weaknesses, your politics, your vocabulary, your favorite music and TV your flow and meet them identify these items in them. if they hate your talents just a little bit then how will they love your baby when that talent shows up in it? I think its about love.

I'd also consider what you mean by 'Mormon materials'. If they are singing 'Give Said the Little Stream' and hearing soe simple Bible stories, I wouldn't mind that much, but if they are really pushing the Mormon agenda, I would think about it.There are a lot of other factors too, such as safety, discipline procedures, learning environment etc.

This sentence jumped out at me:-

>>She isn't state licensed or anything special. >>

That would be a red flag for me but that's me. Just something to think about.

We were lucky when our child was growing up. She attended a Montessori school from 4 yrs old to 10 yrs old and would have stayed through Montessori high school if we hadn't had to move. *sigh* there was no Montessori high school where we moved to but by then with such a great background that Montessori gave her public school was not that difficult adjustment.

Don't know if secluded community means you don't have many options or not. But Montessori might be a good option.

Montessori is a wonderful place for children, it is expensive but worth it if it fits your budget.

And Montessori won't have glorified primary material.

Just my MOO

>
> Montessori is a wonderful place for children, it
> is expensive but worth it if it fits your budget.
>
> And Montessori won't have glorified primary
> material.
>
>
Sorry to go a bit O/T, but if you do look for a Montessori preschool, be aware that in many states (including my own, California), *any* school can use the name "Montessori" regardless of whether it is truly accredited by the national association for Montessori schools. Most people do not know this.

Even in my children's preschool, which is a member of both the national and international Montessori associations, most of the teachers (even some of the head teachers) are NOT accredited in Montessori education. (I only discovered this because our former babysitter was hired to teach at the school, and although she is a qualified preschool teacher, she has had no Montessori training and has not even expressed an interest in taking the courses.) We actually chose the school for reasons other than it being a Montessori, so I don't really care, but I feel bad for the parents who are paying big bucks to send their child to a Montessori school and no doubt assuming all of the teachers have Montessori certifications.

I should have mentioned only an accredited Montessori School that follows the Maria Montessori programme.

Oue daughter attended an accredited Montessori school not an "Americanized" Montessori.

Thanks for pointing that out. You are right, for that kind of money you want to be sure you are getting the "real deal".

On the other hand a license doesn't guarantee a good place, but I would certainly keep a closer eye on them if they are unaccredited.

When I lived in midwest the local Lutheran church had an excellent pre school. My kids went there 2 days a week, so I could have some down time. They loved it and so did I.

When I say secluded I really mean boonies. It's a 3 hour drive one way to true civilization. There are a bunch of small towns around here but it's all TBM run from the bottom up. Anything considered a threat to the TBM lifestyle is stomped out as much as legally possible. There isn't even a bar around here. At least that I can find. I play bartender and keep plenty of rum for my Coke in the fridge.
I heard about this place from the neighbor prior to our falling out.(yeah, it's still uncomfortable) There is no website or anything for reviews avaliable. While providing loving care is important teaching my child church doctrine is not.
Bona her materials were very clearly LDS. No mistaking. There were those JS creampie pictures all over the walls next to temples and plenty of BOM childrens activities out to keep a full primary supplied. I do wish there were other options avaliable but until we move there just aren't. I talked some more about this with DH and after reading on here I have decided against it. At the end of the day I can't justify paying someone an hourly wage to teach my kid religious garbage when she is really just there to make friends, play with paint, and continue learning in mathmatics and reading. For now all she gets is boring old mom.

Could you get a part time babysitter to play with her, take her places and do crafts with her? Maybe a mature high school girl. Just a thought.

I wanted a preschool so she could be with a large group of children her own age. She does have playdates with a few kids in the family every once in awhile but we all have differing schedules and it isn't possible to have it on a regular basis.

Well, preschool isn't necessary for a happy life. Lots of kids do well without it.

A number of our local high schools have day car. My sister's grandson was in one and they all, kid included loved it. Do you have anything like that?

I actually didn't consider calling a high school to see if they had a daycare program, I didn't think about it. The closest is 45min away. If they do have one I could do one or two days a week. I will call Monday. Thank You for the suggestion.

Hope it works out

A community college should have daycare as well. It is usually staffed by students who are studying early childhood development.

As much as I love preschool, in your case, I wouldn't go with the Mormon daycare. I would look for something better or do without.

You can cover much of what a preschool covers at home -- movement activities, fingerplays, songs, counting objects, sorting objects into different categories, read-aloud stories, recognizing letters and sounds, gross motor activities and small motor activities such as drawing, cutting and pasting.

As for socializing, invite other children over to play.

Mormons can't even keep track of their own children, why would you entrust one more child to them? Mormons in UT county are notorious for having the must unruly, snotty nosed, unsupervised, mannerless brats ever!! I would definitely look elsewhere.

I totally understand your dilemma. Having young children of my own, I see why you feel it's important to encourage social interaction with groups children the same age.

My biggest hang up would be knowing that 10% of the hard earned money I'd be paying would go towards supporting a cult. I'd have to put that aside, in order to consider the social development needs for my child.

If these types of in-home child care centers are your only option, then I'd suggest lining up 2 or 3 (or as many as you can!), and choose the one that appears to be the LEAST LDS focused.

I hope you find a solution that works well for your family.

My kids go to church with their grandparents sometimes. They come home with funny quotes like "the holy ghost lives in my head" or "Jesus loves us, but he died"

For little people like this that still go on about princesses, monsters, Santa Clause and the like. Mormon doctrine is just another fairy tale. My wife and I can help them understand more when they are older.

OK, so I hold a grudge. 42 years ago a GOOD TBM babysat my 2 year old. All was well for a few days. Then when I picked her up one afternoon, this "GOOD," FAT A%$&D TBM sister told me she whipped my child because she touched herself??? Do not leave your child with a Mormon! THINK!

My good, kind, loving TBM stepmom (tongue in cheek) would occasionally watch someone's baby for them. One day I was over there and there was this baby in his carrier, screaming his head off. I asked my stepmom why she didn't go tend to him?

She told me that she'd held him all morning and was tired of it and busy and had other things to do. He'd gotten "spoiled" so she was teaching him that he wasn't going to just be held all the dang time. Rotten babies, always wanting to be held.

I just blinked at her and went to pick the kid up. He was months old. I don't believe there is any such thing as spoiling a child under the age of 2. (When they're old enough to lie, they're old enough to be "spoiled" and by that, I mean no limitations. Not being ignored when they are crying.)

There are probably a lot of old-school mormon women out there who would be happy to "watch" your child. Beware of them. I wouldn't let one within 20 feet of my kid, if I had a kid.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/06/2012 11:28AM by dogzilla.