First off (so to speak), if the Mormon Church's response to any pernicious public underwear unveiling is to direct Mormons to shed their holy garments before boarding airplanes (for fear of showing off sacred things to a secular world), then what is the purpose of wearing garments in the first place?

After all, is not the promise to the faithful wearer of the secret Mormon underwear that it will protect them from harm--as in fiery disasters?

And, after all, wasn't it J. Willard Marriott who personally testified to Mike Wallace on CBS' "60 Minutes" that his garments shielded him from flame?

"Mike Wallace [standing in front of SLC temple]: "Mormons know that some outside people think they are weird. Why? Well, for one thing, devout Mormons wear sacred undergarments for protection from harm--cotton undershirts with undershorts that reach to their knees."

"[Willard Marriott interview]

"Mike Wallace: 'Do you wear the sacred undergarments?'

"Willard Marriott: 'Yes, I do. And I can tell you they do protect you from harm.'

"Mike Wallace: 'Really?'

"Willard Marriott: 'Uh-huh. I was in a very serious boat accident. Fire--boat was on fire, I was on fire. I was burned. My pants were burned right off of me. I was not burned above my knee. Where the garment was, I was not burned.'

"Mike Wallace: 'And you believe it was the sacred undergarments.'

"Willard Marriott: 'I do. Particularly on my legs, because my pants were gone, but my undergarments were not singed.'"

("The '60 Minutes' program on the LDS Church , broadcast on CBS TV, April 7, 1996," transcribed by Robert J. Woolley, at: http://www.lds-mormon.com/60min.shtml)


To wear or not to wear.

To bare or not to bare.

To burn or not to burn.

That is the question . . .

Damn Satan-inspired technology.

_____



But, wait! That same devil-is-in-the-undies technology may yet save fig-leafed temple Mormons from the indignity of ungodly exposure.

Read all about it (and see a revealing photo) in this breaking story, "'Metal' Underwear Blocks Airport Scanners Protect Your Privacy with Powdered-Metal 'Fig lLeaves'":

"(Newser) – Fed up with the indignity of passing through an airport scanner? Colorado inventor Jeff Buske claims he has the answer: scan-proof underwear. His strategically placed fig-leaf designs on his men's and women's briefs are made of a powdered metal that blocks the scan's rays, he explains.

"The thin, removable inserts conform to the body's contours, making it difficult to hide anything beneath—and the components don't set off metal detectors, AP reports. It's not yet clear if the undies will fly with airport security."

("'Metal' Underwear Blocks Airport ScannersProtect Your Privacy with Powdered-Metal 'Fig lLeaves,'"by Mary Papenfuss, "Newser" staff, 22 November 2010 at: http://www.newser.com/story/105880/new-underwear-blocks-airport-scanners.html ; compare and contrast at: http://www.mormondoctrine.net/images/temple_images/apron2lg.jpg)



So, the Galloping Garmie God rides to the rescue, thanks to some inventor dude in Colorado marketing the save-our-sacred behinds solution under the brand name, "Rocky Flats Gear." The Church must be true. :)



Edited 26 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2010 08:55PM by steve benson.

I read a news article today about a breast cancer survivor who was forced to lift up her shirt and show the TSA agent her prosthetic boob. A woman after my own heart, she snarkily said she was going to start putting it in the little basket with her change and cellphone so the TSA agents could inspect it without actually having to touch her.


I figure if she has to be subjected to that, Mormons should have to put on a garmie fashion show.

Okay-that's a good one. I will do that next time I fly. Just pull out the fake boob and plop it next to the shoes. I've always wanted to have some fun with my prosthetic.

then TSA shouldn't be able to see through them, even with their scanners, should they?

I'm about to go visit the TBM in laws . . . you've inpired me to borrow some garmies for the TSA search, Mr Benson . . . stay tuned!

Oh, hell, it's Sky Harbor--they'll live!

and prevent corrupting clothing above the knee, and for what purpose, when TSA can see everything?

Since fig leaves are for the garden of Eden, and garments are for the fallen, wouldn't they still be searched for covering too much?

Maybe they should just bless the planes since gawd is all mighty, but that would be a test of the lard's powers since the LD$ on 9/11 were not spared. I don't think airplanes are covered by the bronze age gawd insurance - just chariots, donkeys, arks, etc.

In the end, TSCC's oxymoronic rules love invading privacy AND "keeping things sacred" so they would want to have some trusted clergy doing this job for the TSA. They would likely suggest some of those unemployed scout leaders or members of the Utah legislature for this sacred task, and maybe a few priests to keep it ecumenical.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2010 08:11PM by atheist&happy:-).

If the scanners can bust through clothes would the garments even show up that much? They probably don't look weird enough for anyone to take notice. Maybe put them in a carry-on then change in the plane's lavatory (yuck).