My 10 year high school reunion is this summer. I plan on going because there's some people I haven't seen in 10 years that I really want to see again, and there's some that I will have a fabulous time showing that I actually did something with my life (besides start popping out kids at age 19) I was TBM in high school, but not over the top. In all honesty, I was always embarrassed about being Mormon and the day I left my parents house I left the church. Even though I grew up outside Utah, my high school had a significant number of LDS kids--best guess would be around 25%. I was friends with some of them, but not enough that we've kept in touch over the last 10 years. I'm sure they'll ask the typical TBM questions ("how big is your ward" "What's your calling" etc) I don't think I want to hit them with "Yeah, I found out it was all a lie so I quit, and oh by the way you really should check out exmormon.org because it was a lifesaver for me!" I married a nevermo, which is a good start. I haven't come out to my parents yet (although I'm sure they know because they seem to know everything) but the line I give them is "Well, we usually work Sundays, but when we have them off we really like to spend the day with DH's family"

Is there a polite way of saying that you've left the church if the subject comes up? Knowing TBMs they're bound to bring it up.

In other words, act like a normal adult. The TBMs will figure out you're not one of them anymore.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2012 10:58AM by Stray Mutt.

That's what I did! It was awesome :) The frumpy sexually frustrated ones will throw you looks that could kill. My high school was 95% LDS, rich and white. Good times!

How big is your ward?

I don't know. Wow, I don't even know where my ward is.

What's your calling?

I don't have one.

Why not?

You kind of have to show up to get a calling, but I have other stuff I'd rather be doing anyway.

Or like Stray Mutt said, have an obvious alcoholic beverage in hand and a non-garment worthy outfit on. Don't get into religious discussion, change the subject to old HS memories or excuse yourself and go talk to someone else.

Oh! There's so-and-so. I wonder if she remembers when we did something-or-other. I'm going to go ask....and off you go.

The ones asking the typical morgbot questions aren't "friend material" Don't waste too much time with them. However, you could find more exmo's or people you didn't hang out with in High School because they weren't Mormon back then. Have fun. Wish I could be a fly on the wall!

I usually just say politely "I'm not Mormon anymore."

If they ask why, I say, "I no longer believe in it."

If they ask why, I say, "There's so much to tell you that I don't think we have time to go into it at this moment, but you can give me your email if you want to know more." ;)

That usually shuts them up, but if they still are interested, then I send them some good ol ex-mo literature.

I attended my 30th HS reunion in Cali, my first, this past July. I carried a drink and wore an open collared shirt that showed my unprotected flesh, and had no problem with my old TBM friends. Of course, I'm pretty sure they all knew of my apostacy through their families and the old home ward gossip pipeline. One woman was a bit lovebomb-y, but soon backed off.

Funny thing was, a few of them sought me out and talked my ear off about church and family issues. It was like I was a nonmo bishop they could bitch to without getting in trouble with church or family. It was kind of fun.

Oddly enough, I've had the same experience as a NeverMo--with significant time spent in Utah and having had a best friend who was LDS--TBM or semi-TBMs will unload on me, knowing I understand their gripes (vs someone entirely unversed in LDS culture) and that I'd never tell anyone in their network. I'm the only one they know who knows how to keep his mouth shut.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/08/2012 10:32AM by PtLoma.

I would act the way I normally do. I would drink what I like and wear what I like. Then I would answer questions as they come up and answer them as briefly as possible by saying 'I don't go to church anymore' or whatever. If they ask you can explain or simply tell them you don't want to talk about it. I wouldn't be in your face about it, but I wouldn't remove piercings, wear clothes you don't ordinarily wear or turn down tea, coffee or alcohol just to make sure they don't know.If you really don't want them to know, dress conservatively and keep your mouth shut.

I came out at my 30th class reunion last summer and really enjoyed the reunion. This was in SE Idaho, very high % of mormons in my class. Not only had I resigned from tscc, but was divorced and open about being gay. I wore a white polo with a pink triangle on it to the ice-breaker the first night. I behaved as I would have at any other dinner party. Had a rum&coke during cocktail hour & Wine during dinner. Did the things most people would do at social gatherings.

I had a lot of classmates, even one that is a bishop and one a HC, that had a lot of questions about leaving the church. I found it very interesting how many addressed known issues, but still think it is a good institution to raise kids in. As others sugested, if the topic goes beyond what one feels comfortable in sharing, change the subject.

Drop the thoght of "confessing" as if you have committed a sin of some sort. If anybody asks and you consider it any of their business you are "no longer affiliated" and offer no apologies.

I went to my ten year reunion with shoulder length hair smoking a cigarette with a drink in my hand. I don't remember the church coming up at all.

Well except for the TBM douchebag who called everybody to repentance before leaving in disgust. I wasn't the only one there enjoying adult beverages.

Sheesh...if you have reunion at a night club people are going to drink and dance.

I too went to a 25 year class reunion in Montana a few years back where LDS types were a bit rare.

When one TBM friend of mine asked why I was drinking a beer I answered "Oh you must be referring to my former mormonism. I moved on years ago." She seemed stunned.

I was voted "the most changed" by the way. My former classmates seemed to accept & enjoy the new me.

I do too!

to find out who your real friends are. They are the ones who couldn't care less if you are a mormon or not.

The plan is to have the reunion outside in a park in July, so I will be wearing a fabulous pair of non garment appropriate shorts (I ride horses so I have great legs!) and probably a tank top too. That right there should give it away. Not much of a drinker, but I won't be worried about avoiding the "appearance of evil" so a nice glass of ice tea might just be the way to go. My graduating class was 500 + and easily over 150 of them were TBM back in the high school days. Most of them got married quite young, didn't finish school, working minimum wage jobs...for people like that, all they have to talk about is the church. Or their kids. Its probably inevitable that it will come up, but maybe I can be a good exmo missionary and show them that you can leave the church and not burst into flames =) Most of my friends back then were nevermos (or jackmos) and if nothing else I will have a great time catching up with them.

Where was your high school, if >25% LDS and not in Utah. Idaho? Mesa AZ? Las Vegas? Are there any high schools in California that are this heavily LDS? I know of some areas that are maybe 10%, but not 25%.

Upscale area of Colorado Springs. That particular part of town was VERY heavily LDS--two buildings with 3 wards in each in a two mile radius.

Oh wow, I had no idea. When I think of Colorado Springs, I think of Focus On The Family and über-conservative evangelicals. I had no idea there were that many LDS---living among neighbors who don't consider them to be Christian. In that environment, I wonder if some of the Mormons are almost moderate by comparison.

I had a bottle of beer with dinner........it represented "evil" I hope. :)

I did talk to a TBM couple on Sunday morning ....who were off to church .... and I told them I don't go to church.
They seemed surprised..........

K

Probably at least half of them have left, too.

Which means that if/when you tell people you've left, probably 85% of them will congratulate you.