Hi, i'm new...been a member for 5 yrs this time...was ex'd after a 14 yr stretch.

First of all, i want to say that i think ole Brigham was a freaking nutcase, but a smart, persuasive one.
Last night, i read the wiki article on blood atonement. I was shocked by the violence. I think he gave many "discourses" to intimidate members to be obedient, or else!!!
And then there's all the discrepencies, the changes and so forth. And i'm supposed to revere and look up to these people who are supposedly the Lord's mouthpiece???? That article freaked me out!!!!
I am so depressed, confused, and scared. I feel afraid of Jesus. I don't know what to believe anymore. its like everything i ever felt, thought, believed has been yanked out from under me. I was remembering a song i learned when i was about 5, when attending a Baptist church- "Jesus loves me, this i know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong".
When i was singing the song to myself, i started to weep. I feel so lost and lonely. I feel like i'll never be good enough and that i'm going to Hell forever. This is so traumatic for me.

...is what fuels religion.
I felt the "rug pulled out" sensation also.
But religion sets up its own circular logic feedback loop, it creates fears then pretends to save you from them, while profiting from this "service".

so there's nothing to be afraid of =) and yes the church "leaders" are masters of rhetoric and manipulation. read about their registered trademark product "HeartSell":
"strategic emotional advertising that stimulates response."

do you think they use this on the members too? =)
http://www.bonneville.com/?nid=32

get out of the scam before you let them talk you back into it...

You are not alone, I felt that way in the beginning too. It is a scary feeling because you were raised to believe God and Satan are real. What finally helped me was realizing they are BOTH fairly tales. Satan can't get you anymore than God can. I think Jesus was a real person who did good things, a humanitarian for his time (like a football player is celebrated today) whose achievements weren't always understood, I don't know how much of his life was real or how much was written down in ways they understood--for example: with limited medical information, raising someone from the dead may be seen as a miracle..does that make sense? Jesus, God can still be real to you, but the Jesus and God of the BOM is made up, the rules of Mormonism are made up. You can still believe in the Bible, it's ok. You are not and will not ever go to hell though for walking away from Mormonism. Here's a hug for you, you are not alone.

Make no mistake avout it. ALL religion is fear based

Welcome, idahoghetto, and congratulations on learning the truth! Your discovery of the truth will, in time, help to cure you of your fears. The posters are right--most of the fear is invented by men--men like JS and BY. When I was little and did something "bad" like spill my milk, my insane TBM mother would damn me to Hell. She would threaten me with words, such as "You will pay a price for this." and "No one will ever love you." My primary teachers said that if I didn't go to all the meetings on time, and if I didn't pay tithing on my babysitting money, that I would burn in the Second Coming. I used to have nightmares about burning in a fire. Now, I think of these threats as "VooDoo curses." VooDoo curses work only through the recipients own mind. Remember, Mormonism is a cult of lies. There is no such thing as "the power of the priesthood" or "revelation from God" or "outer darkness." It is only men, trying to manipulate you into giving money and free labor to their cult.

it gets better. The strong emotions slowly fade, including the feeling of abandonment. It leaves you stronger, knowing that you alone are responsible for your life and your choices.

There is no magic involved in life's big issues, just human blood sweat and tears. At some point it becomes freeing to realize there isn't some big powerful entity just waiting for you to screw up.

I think the quickest way to get through it is to continue reading church history. JS and BY really were terrible people when you look at the facts without any whitewash. There is no way that anything they created could be good in the long run.

Welcome to the board.

the same thing when I left. You'll soon find there is no boogie man (aka mean Jesus) out there, like they want you to believe. Give it time, but whatever you do, don't go back to TSCC. You're doing the right thing. I have never been happier.

I am a nevermo who has recently split from an ex'd member. My ex was ex'd from the church around 3 years ago because he had an affair. We had an 18 month relationship which he ended following My suggestion that we moved in together, citing his belief in the eternal family and necessity for a temple marriage, which he would never be able to have with me.

I've visited this board frequently in the last few months for a number of reasons and have taken comfort from the words, thoughts and opinions of the many who post here.

Having just read this post, I felt it necessary to add my observation as an outsider. I find it both REALLY sad and infuriating that any church would make a person feel so GUILTY!!!! Who has the right to make any other person feel bad about themselves to the level that the Mormon church does?!?!?!? Everyone makes mistakes and is entitled to ask questions and make informed decisions about their own lives, and no one should be made to feel like an inferior human being for doing so.

Every story i read on here and every conversation i ever had with my ex about the church stinks of an overwhelming GUILT for not being 100% perfect! It makes me really sad that any person or organisation can have that degree of influence over a person.

Be strong, you are NOT going to hell. Im sure you are a good, honest, moral, hard working person and that isn't anything to be sniffed at. You are enough just being the person you are. I wish you the best of luck

I read the Gospel of John and found it was very comforting for me, in fact what got me out. The Jesus found there is no one to fear.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2012 07:03PM by No Mo.

Religion is a business model that profits off of peoples fear of death.

The Jesus of the New Testament would certainly forgive you. He would tell you that you are forgiven and to go and sin no more. He would tell the people who have judged you and exed you that the one of them without sin should "cast the first stone." The core of Christianity is that you *are* good enough, but that you are a human and humans make mistakes. You learn from them and try to do better. But you can't do better until you feel inherently loved and inherently worthy. If you doubt any of what I've said, go ahead and read the gospels (Mark, Matthew, Luke, John) once again.

I don't say all of the above to drive you to another branch of Christianity -- just to let you know that the opinions of those who have judged you are of no account.

You are correct that Joseph Smith and Brigham Young were both seriously lacking in moral character. I'll bet that you've just scratched the surface of that. Stick around here and learn more.