Hey there. I haven't been on this site in such a long time, but recently my local ward has started trying to get in touch with me, and I find that I really have no idea what to do. I'd really like to resign one day, but my parents live in the same stake, and life has been very hard on them lately. While I know that my parents will always love me no matter what I do (even though I'm gay - they even love my wife of 6 years!), I don't think my mom could psychologically cope with me resigning right now. I'm planning to wait to do that until she moves to Columbus with dad for his new job, since I don't think anybody will bother telling my one remaining aunt about it. (...They won't, will they?)

So here's what's been going on: first, I got a "newsletter". I haven't thrown it out, and I'm trying to keep a written record of everything they do. Today while I was trying to get ready for a job interview, two women knocked on my door and specifically asked for "Sister B". I told them they had the wrong address, to fuck off, and not to ever come back or the police would be removing them for trespassing, but I don't think they believed me about the address.

A friend of mine who has finally managed to get out by moving 1000 miles from her parents advised me that I might try calling them and leaving a message, but I'm honestly not sure what to say. I plan to record the phone call on my computer so that I have a record of it, but I'm not sure how to phrase things to make them leave me alone.

Any advice? I'm kind of worried I'll just burst into tears and freak out like I did after they knocked and left (cried my whole way to the store for my interview), and I want to be able to sound firm, without leaving them any room to wiggle around my words to get in touch with me. What can I do? Any help would be appreciated.

Have you told the RS President and Bishop that you want to be a "No Contact"?

Personally, I have specifically told them that I will not be a VT, nor do I want anyone visiting me. They have been respectful and complied.

I made it very clear that I do not believe their doctrine and that I am now active in a different church. I wanted them to know that my mind was made up.

I'm not sure what your background story is that someone coming by to try to visit you is so upsetting.

Saying no thanks is pretty simple.

You can request to be on a no-contact list. It won't work long term. The problem is that the bishop or relief society president or whoever will honor it until they get released. Then the new person will get called and won't know about it - the Mormons just aren't that organized.

Even if your name is not on the records, you may get contacted. The ward missionaries may decide to go meet all the non-members in the ward. The full time missionaries may knock on your door.

However, I'd guess your recent response will get around and you won't be bothered again for a while at least.

So the only realistic answer is to figure out how to not get super upset. All you have to do is say no thanks or I'm not interested and close the door. I don't know your story, so that may be easier said than done.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/17/2012 05:35PM by ronas.

I suggest you practice exactly what to say over and over like you're praticing for a play. If the words are on the tip of your tongue you're not so likely to cry.

Also, leave a message for the bish and RSP that you don't need home visits and you appreciate their cooperation.

Seriously, they don't have a legal right to contact you in your home or apartment once you've notified them to stop doing this. Resignation isn't the point. The reality is that this is trespassing and harassment if you've told them to please stay away from your door.

When you're planning your script, keep it short and sweet. Too many words don't soften the blow but rather give them more ammunition to use against you and the extra words might stir up too much emotion in you.

"Sorry, I'm not interested. Goodbye," is enough said. Then close the door, walk away to your car, or hang up the phone. I promise it does get easier with practice.

Take care.

You can also hand them a note, smile and close the door.

They are intruding on your space and you owe them nothing.

Just because you haven't officially resigned does not mean they can ignore your wishes.


Anagrammy

PS. One ex-Mormon put a sign above the doorbell.

"You can also hand them a note, smile and close the door."
Anagrammy, This is such a good idea!!

Maybe include a plate of cookies?

Oh I didn't...