TBM, both my mother and father. She is REALLY upset I am not going to church anymore. I am the oldest in a family of eight and the first one to step aside from the church. Now, just recently, in her email siggy she writes:

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." 3 John 1:4

I shouldn't feel judged by this, but I do. How do I not take it personally and live my own truth?

I'm sorry I have no advice. I just had to vocalize how much I hate passive aggressive crap like that.

Thank you, that actually helps... just knowing I am not the only one being hit with this.

Well,let's face it, you are walking in truth... ;)

Yes, instead of lies the mormon church tells. Ugh.

I do not really know how to help you. I am not in a similar situation since my mom and dad have passed away.
It just that I found it funny that she had chosen that particular phrase and you have actually found out the truth.
But I do hope things will get better soon for you. Good luck! Hope you're finding ways to be happy even if things might be difficult with the parents right now.
{{hugs}}

+1!

If it were me I would contiune to email my mother, but quote the 11th Article of Faith in my siggy. It's passive agressive, but so is she.

haha

Sounds like my mother. She does this kind of thing ALL the time. Typically, I pretend I don't notice--because I know she's trying to start a fight...however, in your case, I vote for the 11th AoF siggy line too. Genius!

Ironically you are the child who is walking in truth and should be the one giving her the most joy.

Seriously this is a tough one. I'm responding because I'm in much the same situation. My Mom recently found out about me leaving the church. She hasn't said anything directly, but I know she is very upset by it.

She is probably judging herself. Mothers often see children as extensions of themselves. She is probably wondering what she did wrong as a mother to fail us. (I'm referring to both of our mothers here.)

If I were brave enough I might respond to an email that I received from her and write - "Mom, I notice this saying in your signature. Is it intended as a dig at me?" She is likely being passive aggressive and it would probably be best to gently call her out on it. It is also possible that she didn't think through how it would come across to you.

Sigh. I want to cut emotional ties, but only so much. She always makes snide comments and stuff like that, I just ignore it typically. I guess I feel like living my life in the best way possible is the best example of my telling her that I am not an evil person.

Well if she has a history of making snide comments, it's pretty clearly being passive-aggressive and you pretty clearly are justified in feeling judged by it. So now the question is what you are going to do with those feelings, not if feeling that way is valid. I might be tempted to reply to an email something like - "Mom, I've noticed your email signature. I'm glad to hear that my seeing past the dogma and walking in the truth is bringing you joy."

I'm lucky in a way. My mom says nothing and pretends like the issue isn't there.

My dad asked "So what's up with you? I don't really know what's going on but I hear you are talking about getting your name removed?"

Me: "Yes, it's already done."

Dad: [Long pause, obviosly trying to control his emotion] "Why?"

Me: "I don't believe it. I haven't for quite some time.

Dad: [Changes the subject.]

It's been nice knowing that they know better than to be agressvie or even passive-aggressive about it. However in some ways it's a bit uncomfortable that with my mom there is this elephant in the room that is being ignored. However, I feel vulnerable enough that I'm having a hard time bringing it up.

I feel like I would like to talk about it... but am not sure how to. I wonder how my mom would feel going to my therapist with me. Ha.....

say Thanks Mom. I'm a so glad I finally figured out and can walk in truth.

I'm glad you're glad.

Yes, that's along the lines of what I was going to suggest. Say "Thanks mom, I'm glad you want me to tell my brothers and sisters about the truth of what Mormonism is. Do you want me to start with Joseph Smith marrying 14 year old girls or the fact the Book of Abraham has been proven a fraud?"

You might just want to say that to yourself though...just to make yourself feel better.

To her, you might say "Every time you make a comment like that, I take one more step away from the church because I hate being manipulated. If you keep it up, I'll never want to come back because I don't like what the church is doing to you, making you treat a child like this."

I said something similar to my mom "the ONLY people who can get me to go to church are DH and my one friend because they are the ONLY people who treated me like they loved me anyway - right or wrong. I'd do anything for them. The people who made snarky comments I won't have anything to do with, much less listen to."

She backed way off. I still get inspirational crappola via FB and e-mail but it's usually low key and she's quit with the comments.

Well, I'm a (former mormon -not mormon anymore)mom and my grown sons LOVE being TBM RM mormons.
I encourage them all the time to think outside the box & to take that philosophy class and that biology and chemisty class. (college) & to turn off Glenn Beck and Rush.

I think they wish I would write emails full of scripture-& stop being a 'dang liberal' who cares about the poor and schools (haha).
but I continue to encourage them and tell them how much I love them and their brides and babies (of course)

I guess I am just writing because my experience is so opposite of yours & it might just be that your mom loves you very much & her whole world is defined by mormon doctrine.
I am kind of tender to this all because my mom died when I was really really young and it would have been nice to have a mom while growing up even if you dont always agree with them.
Just my 2 cents :)

Agreed. Love my mom, but she's fanatically mormon. :) I sort of extend my boundaries and we have them over less and less, it is a really sad thing to me!

In my ward the teaching was mothers should even turn against there own children if needed. The "save the children" idealogy brought reward extraordinaire and if you are influencing other TBM grandchildren, nieces and nephews and your mom is a fanatical TBM as you say watch your back. Abraham had to sacrafice his own son if needed applies to a fanatical TBM mother she will probably be asked to do this. God bless her if she don't. Tell her you love her for not falling in with the-(my vocabulary fails here) TBM's. Yea it is a cult.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/17/2012 06:52PM by commonbackground.

If she's going to quote something, how about you do the same? Allow me to suggest:

"The L-rd comes close to those who call upon Him, to those who call upon Him IN TRUTH." Ps. 145:18

Either that, or as someone else suggested, set up an e-mail signature which you can change which quotes the 11th Article of Faith.

You will probably have to learn to live with it. My folks leave me alone about it, but my father from time to time tells me he is sad cause he feels like he will be leaving me behind.

I tell him I am sorry he lives in a belief system that is so painful to him, and that teaches that. Bottom line I know he loves me and we enjoy each others company.

My mom has never made such comments or said anything like that.
It was harder when I was younger. They are both at the end of there lives and since it was minimal I am glad I could ignore it.
He still tells me how to drive. And she tells me how to run her oven.

Now I am just grateful for the sound of there voices.

It's so sad all the stories on here about parents and children allopwing a stupid relgion come between them. But I am lucky it hasn't with me.

I have seen it so I know it exists.

she's manipulating you. This is what it is to be controlled. Don't buy it. Call her out on it. Stop this madness now or it will follow you for the rest of your life.

My mom said to me maybe two months ago that she doesn't agree with how I am living but she loves me anyways. I replied in a happy tone, "I don't agree with how you are living but I love you anyways too."

That's rough Tiff cause you are the oldest and your parents are probably very scared that the other 7 may be swayed by your decision. Ask your mom to hear you out for your reasons. My family won't hear me out so it's a far cry for a solution.

Two can play this game. This would be my siggy:

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32, New International Version)

...perhaps followed by a rotating list of faith-disrupting facts from approved church sources.

"Judge not lest ye also be judged." Says it all in my opinion.