As I continue in my recovery things come back to me in bits and pieces - I thought I recalled everything, good and bad, but, as in the case with something like child abuse, sexual abuse, childhood trauma, etc. I suppose things filter through our memories and pop up on and off for the rest of our lives. This particular situation was a sudden and unwelcome memory.

In the (very) small ward we attended (kind of) for 20 years or so there was a running...well, not a joke, but common knowledge older adults shared from time to time. One would stand up in testimony meeting (oh the pain of THAT meeting!) and talk about a long trip he or she had taken with their spouse, generally a round-robin trip to visit all their now-married children. The purpose of the visits was a parental audit, of sorts - making sure, VERY SURE, those children and their families were doing "what they were supposed to be doing". They used those very words and I cringed every time - it was infuriating. Those married kids, on their own, with children of their own, were expected to behave as they had been taught or ELSE. Couldn't make up their own mind, couldn't deviate from the course, couldn't think for themselves - it was demanded of them to continue on the same path as their parents and no excuse was accepted. It made my head explode. Every time one of these older parents stood up and started nattering on about their latest "parental audit" trip I was enraged, especially when all the other older couples in the ward smiled and nodded knowingly, since they were doing the exact same thing. Anyone else heard of this?

My parents "joke" that when they go to visit their non-member grand kids they are on their mission. And I quote, "we don't need to go on a formal mission because we are on a mission when we are with our grandchildren."

I'm slowly headed towards going no contact. It's painful.