Our office has had some issues over the past year with an older male employee.

On one occasion he made a poorly-chosen comment about a female coworker's weight.

He constantly interviews clients at his desk, even when interview rooms are available, and uses any excuse - no matter how obviously false - with which to do so.

he has NO inside voice, as he is almost deaf in one ear.

That's probably what led to today's issue.

He carried on two rather loud phone conversations with his wife and doctor, respectively.

The conversations were about his Johnson, and how swollen and moist it is. He kept using the word "moist". <shudder>

I haven't even had my coffee break, and here I'm being forced to think about Old Man Batch.

So, so, so, so glad I have cool coworkers and an office with a door. Sorry you have to suffer through that. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.

Is it wrong that I wanna go over and kick this guy in the 'nads?

I'd cover your foot with a plastic bag first.

Right now, I just feel like I'll never love again...

Ick.

Lyndon Johnson? I thought he DIED (pretty sure, anyway)

In fact, my first thought when I heard him mention it was swollen was, "That happens to me every morning."

But then I realized he probably hasn't experienced that in about ten years...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2012 02:25PM by helamonster.

That made me laugh- oh man the Visual!!

I guess it's no different then hearing in great detail about lady issues, but then again those aren't as random as this mans issue. I'd never be able to look at him the same again!

Some female coworkers who were closer to his desk and heard more of the conversation said he also mentioned "pus" and "looks like mincemeat".

What has he been DOING?

Although, I have to admit, tertiary-stage syphillis would explain his mental state...

Oh Gawd. That's just awful. I always wonder why some people let things go so far!

And they now have a strong case for "hostile work environment." So do you, IMO. DISCLAIMER: I am not a lawyer nor an HR drone.

She is a wimp.

This guy needs to be forced into retirement.

... of being self-employed is that you wake up every morning unemployed.

Couple that with what you just described and you'll find more than enough motivation to stay the course!

My deepest condolences, Hela!

Timothy

Shortly before lunch time Old Guy left the office after slam-banging about in his cubicle for a moment or two.

He's marked "out" for the rest of the day.

I'm guessing the sup talked to him.

he tends to get pouty and go home "sick" whenever he's called out for something.

Whoa, I am SO glad I work for a big company in which this behavior wouldn't last ten seconds before Gramps is shown the door.

Don't worry. Sounds like he won't be there much longer.His Johnson and anything attached is rotting off. If I were still mormon I'd be wondering what he did to deserve such a nasty problem.

At the very least I'd say it's a sure bet he's not going to be gettin any for a very long time, if ever.

Yeah, yeah, I know, it's probably nothing to worry about.

Still...

Is all I'm sayin'


Bwhahaha. Still makes me giggle....pus and all.

I have TWO colleagues like that! One male, one female!

I sat between their desks, the male used to be a drummer in a rock band (played with some pretty big bands, too, back in the day) he has tinnitus, and the female colleague was born deaf and did not hear 'til age 5 and she is still hearing impaired. But doesn't realise it and has no concept she is SHOUTING!!!!

He had a varicose vein on his Old Man (a whispered conversation by a hard of hearing person is LOUD!!!) and she regales everyone with tales of what she and her husband get up to. It involves S&M stuff. One day I could see that a younger female colleague was becoming a little upset and I said: "Hey! Enough of that talk! Their are younger people here who are a bit sensitive!"

Later on our young colleague said: "Oh, thanks for what you did Matt! The idea of old people having sex makes me feel a bit sick, but her banging on about that S&M stuff really grossed me out!" She then looked at me, remembered I am only a few years younger than our colleague, and she totally lost it, laughing long and hard. I smiled and said: "Your time will come, kid!"

Then there was the young blonde girl who did not stay with us long, which was probably just as well, as she had the disconcerting habit of playing with her extremely large breasts in the middle of the office. Not that she was in any way an attention seeker, you understand...

I just realised something. I work in a ***weird*** office!! Is it because I have a desk crammed into the sales room? Maybe.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2012 06:00PM by matt.

Turns out he came back. He was just at his Doctor's office (gee, wonder why?).

He's trying to justify it all. He's using the "they do it, too" argument by saying he's heard plenty of inappropriate stuff in the office. You'd think he was a Mormon, doing that.

There's a difference, though. First, EVERYONE here hears EVERY bit of ALL his conversations. Secondly, if he were a bit more liked, people would cut him some slack. Since he is more than a little bit of an ass...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2012 05:53PM by helamonster.

What is your office into?

Raptor Jesus Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What is your office into?

It's the UK office of a Catholic Charity.

Actually, some or all of that answer is not based in fact...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2012 06:24PM by matt.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2012 06:26PM by Raptor Jesus.

Overhear him, but 'accidentally' mishear him.

"Blah blah blah my Johnson blah blah blah pus blah blah blah" But then interject something like: "Whoa! Say WHAT? You had a CAT on your Johnson? Not meaning to be hyper critical, Mike, but is that safe for the cat?"

I have used this technique at work and have had much fun with it.

You should anonomously send a get well card:

'Couldn't help but overhear your conversation with your doctor and wanted to express concern for your case of the clap . . . best wishes for a speedy recovery. And do remember, when you are diagnosed with an STD, you are legally required to report all partners to the CDC so they can be alerted to seek treatment.'

Include the phone number, of course.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2012 06:54PM by nwmcare.

Find an offensively funny get well card and sign it "from all your coworkers who wish they didn't know about your problems". And add a PS, "make sure you wash your hands really well after taking a leak, no one wants what you have"