I was having a conversation with my sister who is also leaving the church the other day and we were talking about faithfulness and how I was a lot more likely to cheat when I was a TBM then I am now.

She agreed rather enthusiastically and we talked about why we feel that way.

As a TBM, I married, had kids, was faithful, etc. because that was the life plan, it is what I was supposed to do, and doing anything else made me no better than all the other wastrel men in the world who were evil bastards.


Losing my religion(anchor) and reassessing my whole life view has made me realize that while I may not have originally gotten married for love (I didn't) and I originally had kids only because I wanted to make my wife happy, that I really like having both my wife and kids around, and I love them, and do not want to hurt them. They are not just a part of "the plan" that I have to follow.

I no longer am with my wife because I am supposed to be, and I am not faithful out of fear or guilt, but because she fills the empty spaces that I have and I love and respect her and would never want to hurt her. And I do not interact with my kids out of a necessity to raise them but because they are interesting and special and I want them to be a part of my life for as long as I am around.

How have your relationships changed once you were living your life according to your own set of values rather than the artificial set you are given as a mormon?



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2012 06:56PM by icanseethelight.

I think we view each other slightly different.
We no longer need to push each other to keep the faith.
That takes a watchdog aspect out of the relationship.
We no longer have the church meddling in out life. That gives us more space to bond with each other and eliminate others opinions where our marriage is concerned.
We are exploring together what it means to have a nonmormon marriage and family. This has brought us all closer.
We are re working our preferences for what we want to do with our time. His time, my time, and our time. We are much more relaxed with our lives in general. Taking the church busy work off the calendar has been life changing in a very good way.
Our house and cars are a bit cleaner. We cook better food. Our mealtime isn't rushed because someone has to go to a meeting. My husband is home on Sundays instead of at church.
Even the dog is happier. She doesn't have all those strange people invading her space unannounced.

This is where I hope we can get to...she is still running to all the meetings.

We didn't realize how much time and energy church was sucking out of our lives.
So far We've spent this years tithing money on wine, coffee, travel, new clothes, and a new boat.

icanseethelight,

Your op describes perfectly how I feel about my loved ones.

I feel so differently now. Thanks.