Do most mormons usually have good intentions when they're brash, callous, pushy, self righteous, or off the mark?

Yes, they do.

Does that mean the bereaved at a funeral or other vulnerable exmos must abide their barbs and protect their easily wounded sense of persecution?

Not really.

It's a choice. Grieving exmo family members get to decide if they want to clear their thoat, say they're leaving the conversation, then turn on their heel and wave off ill chosen words and gestures.

That's right. It's their choice if they want to rear up in anger, walk away in disgust, quietly slink off, or nod and listen to insults such as how their apostacy caused the premature death of their parent, child or sibling.

When I was a teacher, parents sometimes made outlandish excuses for why classrooms of kids should overlook behaviors like biting, bullying, spitting and such. Why? Because the little culprits meant well and couldn't help it.

No. It isn't fair to expect everyone else to accomodate anyone who doesn't know better than to mistreat those they think should cowtow to their will. One of the best ways to teach social lessons is to let consequences happen in the natural course of life.

The problem with mormons is that they don't usually feel the brunt of what they do because so many of us play along with whatever motivates their bad behavior. When we first leave mormonism, we're hesitant to let them know we don't like how they treat us because we don't want to give exmos a bad name.

Last time I checked we're considered apostates, heretics, fallen saints, and worse. Being overly concerned about TBM motivations hasn't helped our image a whole lot. But then, I don't much care about how mormons see me as long as they stay off my property and out of my hair.

Those who do care get to choose their own road to recovery. That's the joy of not being under morg control.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/24/2012 11:31AM by Cheryl.

and it usually doesn't have to do with mormon teachings, since mormonism was in our family--I see my sister as being well versed in this attitude.

I, myself, accommodated my older sister and I did for years. I was expected to. I had one or two falling outs with her over the years and my family always begged me to make things right because they knew she wouldn't. I always knew that I was walking a tightrope--that at any time something could go terribly wrong if I couldn't accommodate her--and it happened some 6 or 7 years ago. The drama has continued on since then--through both our parents' deaths (though I tried to fix the situation because my dad asked me to--then he thanked me for trying and told me to stay away from this sister after he died). Just went through another episode. I've distanced myself from her and even her children--who I am very close to--as I didn't want them to have to choose sides. It has been very ugly.

One of the things that she said after our parents died is that she is the only successful one because she is temple married and not divorced. I laughed when I heard that--I am also temple married and not divorced.

I've stood up to a lot of people since my exit from mormonism and taking control of my life. I don't accommodate people anymore.

OH--and I forgot to say the reason I posted to this thread is because back in the day I spoke to my sister--when her daughter and I would talk about her mother's most recent insanity--her daughter would always say, "But, she has good intentions." (She could say that once she no longer lived with her--she hated her mother growing up.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/24/2012 11:42AM by cl2.

Sometimes we need to teach people how to treat us. If nobody says anything, people tend to think whatever they did is okay.

In Mormon society, we were trained to be submissive to authority, or anyone who ACTS like they have authority/entitlement. On the flip side, leaders and people with a sense of entitlement get a free pass to bully and control other people.

People who never have to deal with some fallout from their bad behavior will never see it as a problem and will never fix it.

The road to MY personal hell is paved with THEIR so-called"good intentions."

I set boundaries based on behavior and attitudes and how I am treated.

There are people that I don't invite to my home because they have shown they are inappropriate, or rude, or are lacking in manners, etc. Also, if they are critical, find fault with me etc., slam me, put me down, don't respect my home, think they need to counsel me, and on and on, they are not invited back. Ever! I don't care what their religious beliefs are. It's about civil, decent, human behavior that is either acceptable or unacceptable in my estimation. Good intentions don't override rotten behavior!


It's often said: we teach people how to treat is.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/24/2012 04:16PM by SusieQ#1.