I became an atheist less then 6 months ago and it's been a long journey.

I was born and raised mormon. My family moved from Indiana to Nevada and back to Indiana while I was growing up. I went through a typical rebellious phase as a teenager and was inactive for a time, but it was what I knew and believed in. I would defend it at every turn and was utterly confused that others did not understand and/or accept what I had been taught.

I also had massive guilt trips and depression for not living up to "mormon standard" of perfection that no one can meet. I would constantly beat myself up and feel like shit for acting on the raging emotions and hormones of growing up.

I was planning on going through ROTC at Purdue and go into the military when I graduated (was a childhood dream of mine), but at the last minute I was disqualified for medical reasons because of my hypoglycemia.

I lost my motivation for going to college and crashed and burned my second semester playing video games all night. I took a break and then went back to fix my grades. Before my first week of exams my car broke down, I became sick, and missed my exams. I withdrew after that.

I moved to Nashville, TN to live with some friends and get a fresh start. I fell in love for the first time, but the relationship fell apart because of our religious differences (southern baptist and mormonism do not mix).

A year later I was still having a hard drive moving past my ex. I had an aunt and uncle in Austin, TX who offered to have me live with them for a time, provided I went to church again to set an example for my cousins. I'd never been to Texas before and I needed to get away form everything reminding me of my ex so I went for it.

After going back to church in Austin I realized how much I believed in mormonism and decided to rededicate myself to it. I was going to go on a 2 year mission like all mormon males do. I decided to prepare for my mission that I would study out church history and what people were saying against the church so I would be prepared for the hard questions on my missions. I was like Alice jumping down the rabbits hole.

I spent the next month, on average 2-3 hours a day (I had just quit my job and had no idea what I was going to do to support myself) studying out church history. Ironically I did most of my research in the two weeks I was in Utah attending my two brothers' weddings. I was surrounded by my extended family who were all devout mormons.

The more I searched the more troubled I became. There were different accounts of the first vision? What? Joseph Smith had 30+ wives? What? The archeological history of the Americas contradicts the story in the Book of Mormon? No archeological evidence for the Book of Mormons? What? Joseph Smith's translation of the Egyptian papyrus that led to the Book of Abraham, which contains a lot of the unique doctrine of mormonism, completely wrong? What?

The oh shit and what the shit (Mass Effect 2 anyone?) moments kept coming and coming. Eventually, with all of the evidence in front of me, I had no choice but to come to the realization that mormonism was false. I couldn't lie to myself. So i resigned from the mormon church (a process that took 4 months I might add).

Believing in mormonism for almost 22 years, needless to say I was both devastated and liberated at the same time. When I resigned it felt like a wait had been lifted off my shoulders. At the same time it was incredibly hard as I had to exam everything I believed in and based my life on. I had "died" and needed to reinvent myself.

At first I turned to Christianity, but within months I applied the same reasoning to Christianity that I used to leave mormonism and I realized that it was false as well. So I became agnostic.

I examined many religions over the next 2 years, and while many had good merits there was nothing that did not contradict history and facts. I know faith is believing in something that cannot be proven, but faith should NEVER contradict fact.

About 6 months ago I was talking with my girlfriend about religion and I realized that I did not believe in a deity or supreme being. There just wasn't the evidence to support one. While I am willing to examine the idea of a supreme being if there is evidence supporting one, but I find no evidence that supports that claim.

So I became an atheist, and had to reexamine everything all over again. I am an atheist who is dating someone that believes in god, which is...well its cause me to doubt and second guess which sucks...especially now that I feel like I've awaken to a new world, and I'm missing my chance to explore that world and get to know myself and what I stand for.. so yeah, i'm having problems reconciling being with someone who believes in god when I do not and wanting to explore new things and ideas when i feel like i have to hold back..idk..shes an amazing girl. yay for confusion lol.

But anyways, this has been my journey, and while it has been a very long and hard one, it has been so worth it. I felt like sharing because I need to share and reach out to others who understand. (and while the point of this is not about my relationship to someone who believes in a god, if anyone has any suggestions about this type of situation id appreciate it)

You've saved yourself a load of trouble.

Is it really so important what your girl friend thinks? As long as she isn't into a truly invasive and controlling religion you might find room in a relationship for both of you.

Right now almost one in five Americans don't belong to any religion and our numbers are growing. Your conclusions are shared by quite a few people.

Not belonging to any religion does not make one an atheist. Plenty of people who believe in God and/or consider themselves Christian do not belong to or attend a church. Some of them are even believing Mormons. My mother was in that category for years.

I wasted many years holding on the baggage. Actually, what you did in a couple of weeks, took me almost 20 years. Good on you for listening to your insides and researching. I hope you will write your whole exit process up and share it with us. Thank you for sharing this much.

but if you are still living in/around Austin, there is a very vibrant atheist community there.

Check out http://www.atheist-experience.com/

They have a weekly TV show that you can watch live if you are in the Austin area or watch on your computer via ustream. All their prior broadcasts are archived and you can watch them, too, if you are interested. This group also has periodic social gatherings and lectures.

One of the hosts of the TV show, Matt Dillahunty, is becoming quite known in atheist circles and he recently debated a cleric on the origins of human morality. The debate can be seen on youtube starting at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkMAJai5D3c

"At first I turned to Christianity, but within months I applied the same reasoning to Christianity that I used to leave mormonism and I realized that it was false as well. So I became agnostic.

I examined many religions over the next 2 years, and while many had good merits there was nothing that did not contradict history and facts. I know faith is believing in something that cannot be proven, but faith should NEVER contradict fact."

~~~~~~~~~~~

Lots of us here can relate. I could have written the same statements above when I went from Mormon to Christian, to generic theist, to New Age (wistful hope in supernatural things), to mythology student to lack of belief. I came to the conclusion that faith is simply the tool that links the credulous with the ridiculous.

Congratulate yourself for making the quest at a relatively young age (I was 40). You'll save a LOT of time in your life by not pandering to religion. It's great not having to make the world fit a religious view. No more mental gymnastics for me.

As for personal relationships, that is a quest of a whole other kind. Good luck.

I love this line. Hope you don't mind if I steal it!

I read it somewhere long ago. I think they used the word "bridges" instead of "links" now that I think about it.

Carry on.

vhainya Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I love this line. Hope you don't mind if I steal
> it!

I'm with you, vhainya! I'm stealing this line from dagny, too!

It's wonderful that you've figured some things out so early. If you date a religious person just be very up front about your expectations for each other. Reach an agreement about how future children will be reared, and put it in writing. Then when it comes down to it you can both default to what you agreed previously.

......a herring!"

thanks everyone for the replies. i really appreciate it.


@winecountrygirl: Cut down a tree with a herring? IT can't be done. :D



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/27/2010 12:18PM by Susan I/S.

That's been my experience. I never believed in the man-god, Mormon or any other version, but it's only been about 6 years since I decided and started saying I'm an atheist. Most of the rest of my life I was either not thinking about it or being all new-agey and one with the universe, believing in various kinds of vibes and hoping my consciousness will continue after death.

I don't even remember what brought it on, except that I was posting on Democratic Underground at the time and became interested in the Atheists & Agnostics group there. That's when I decided.

In 2006 I put politics on ignore, found this forum, and started posting here. One of my earliest posts was to poke a bit of fun at my fellow atheists and all the debates that were raging at the time by asking what's so interesting about being an atheist.

Four years later, I'm right there with them. I identify very strongly as an atheist, feel a kinship with other atheists, and am increasingly annoyed by religion and expressions of faith.

I don't expect I'll ever pair off again, but if I did, it could not be with someone who believes in anything resembling a god, or souls, or magic vibes.

If you feel like you have to hold back with this girl, she isn't that amazing.

@Skunk Puppet: Thanks for the link. I will check it out.

@winecountrygirl:
Brave Sir Robin ran away...
bravely ran away away...
When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about, and valiantly, he chickened out.
Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat. A brave retreat by brave Sir Robin.

Perhaps if we built a big wooden badger...

So what if someone believes in God and you don't. It only matters if she wants to take kids you may have to church and you are against that. But you could do the one week with her thing and one with you. I see no problem with it. Don't make it sound more difficult than it is.

I've been going through a similar process lately. After years of searching through various religious views, I came to the conclusion it's a lot of made-up hooey. People made gods in their own images to coincide with THEIR agendas and desires.

It's been freeing and grounding at the same time for me to let go of that mentality.

Religionists have agreed to allow someone to tell them what to believe and what to do. You have decided to believe and do what you decide.

The organization that tells your wife what to do comes between you and she working out the kinks that are part of normal marriage, the many little differences that people work out over time.

It isn't as simple as 'what's in her mind stays in her mind.' You have kids and all of us sudden she wants to clip pieces off your baby's privates because God said so. Then she wants you to go with her to services where they can convince you that giving them 10% of your money benefits...YOU!

It starts to bleed into who your friends are and how you spend your Sundays or Saturdays. What you wear and whether you can use birth control or not. These are issues that cause no problem if both people believe the same.

And that doesn't even START about what to teach the kids and whether they will go to church with her or camping with you. And it just feels weird for the family to split up like that on the few precious days a week you have for family activities.

"He comes from a good god-fearing family..." Why not find a girl from a good god-humoring atheist family?

Good luck

Anagrammy