I think this is an issue many of you can relate to... trying to find a woman who does not sleep around or think adultery is alright ect while being okay with the fact that I am not religious. Advice! Help!

define moral

now turn off your religious bias and try again

'sleeping around' while being young, single and carefree is not the same as thinking adultery is OK.

and I find it disturbing that you're thinking in terms of 'preventing possible adultery', before you've even hooked up with anyone



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/12/2012 06:53AM by EssexExMo.

For the record, I struggled with this for many years as well. I finally realized that it is pretty much impossible. You have to play by a different set of rules once you're not Mormon anymore (which means, yes, you've got to keep up your guard at all times because they will eat you alive if you let them).

Who is "they"???

Women.

At least in the church, you have this pretend "authority" that allows you the final word on everything. Without the church, you are naked, and must have good game since there is no fake authority.

Not that it's impossible. You just can't be a total dud with the ladies and still get a catch (as you can in Mormondom). Good game + Mormon = ideal scenario, but alas, I can't/won't fake belief in it for a lifetime just to land a good woman.

E2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
You have to play by a
> different set of rules once you're not Mormon
> anymore (which means, yes, you've got to keep up
> your guard at all times because they will eat you
> alive if you let them).

NEWS FLASH: Mormon does not equal moral. Nor does moral equal Mormon, now that I think about it.

You're totally right about that. It depends on the woman.

What an unusual problem. I am having trouble finding one that will let me touch her.

Well all I can think is that you're looking in the wrong places, or going for the wrong type of woman.

He wouldn't know what to do with a real woman.

I'm a nevermo and I don't think sleeping around is okay. I was a 30 year old virgin when I married my husband and he's the only person I've been with. There are non-religious women out there who aren't loose. I know I'm not the only one.

My standard advice is not to be in such a hurry to hop in the sack, not just for moral reasons, but for practical ones as well. Try dating and getting to know the person before doing anything really intimate. If you don't have sex right off the bat, whether or not she's sleeping around will be a lot less relevant and harmful. You won't be exposed to any diseases or at risk of getting her pregnant if you wait before you have sex. And during that time, you can find out if you're compatible and want to take your relationship to that level. Hopefully, by the time you make that decision, you will know if she's "immoral" or not.

whatever works for you and, as you've not been brought up in the 'licked cupcake' mindset, good for you.

there is a feeling amongst religious types (especially) that having more than one sexual partner while still unmarried is 'sleeping around'............even if that extends to 2 or 3 people over the course of a decade.

I dont advocate one night stands as a way of life, but a few sexual partners is to be expected in this day and age.
personally, I would hate to make a commitment with someone I had not had sex with. I would also hate to date a sexually inexperienced person..... but that's just me

Sure, I understand that. Like I said, people are going to do what they're going to do and it's perfectly normal for adults to have sex with different people over the course of a lifetime. I don't think it's wrong for people to have sex if they want to, as long as everyone consents to it and is mature enough to handle it. I just think it makes sense to wait, especially if you're concerned that the other person is "immoral" or "sleeps around". In that case, I think it makes sense to really get to know the person well before you open yourself up to a sexual relationship. And by this I don't mean marrying them. I mean talking to them and finding out who they are.

It sounds to me like the OP is more conservative about his sexual practices and wants to find a partner with similar views. I just wanted to put it out there that not everyone who isn't Mormon is having sex with multiple partners. I didn't have sex before I got married, not necessarily because I didn't want to, but because that was how it worked out for me. Now that I'm older and sexually active, I'm glad I ended up waiting. But that's just me.

Sexuality ≠ immorality.

Sex and morals have nothing to do with one another.

You're right. Sex and morals really should not have anything to do with one another. But having sex before you really know someone can open you up to a lot of trouble if you're not careful. People are going to do what they're going to do, of course, and whether or not someone decides to have sex is solely their business. But for me, personally, waiting for the right person was the right decision. I have no regrets.

Any action that has the potential to affect the lives of those involved, as well as the potential life of an as-yet unborn human being, has moral implications.

You must be hanging out in the wrong places. Where I live, there are plenty of non-religious women with high standards. Where are you hanging out? Change it. Being Mormon doesn't equal being moral anymore than being Jewish does, but as you know, a lot of Mormons think that they have the corner on morality for some reason. Silly thinking.

... and just for the record, I think you're a faithful believer. Perhaps you are looking for our answers to your problem to be very sinful and devilish -- in order to prove to yourself that your path is ever so righteous.

This is your only post, ever? I think that you are full of sh^t. You come across as Peter Priesthood.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/12/2012 10:37AM by No Mo.

A pretty jerk-y Peter Priesthood at that. Probably he's sexually frustrated and has been emotionally castrated by his religious leaders and he's taking out his aggravation on a) women and b) ex-Mos. Must be a sad, sad little life he leads.

What the hell is this? Where are you looking for women? I know that even when I was Mormon and actively looking for a Mormon spouse, I kept finding these great non-Mo guys. Married one. They tend to be way less hypocritical since they often get to choose their own moral codes.

As others have pointed out, equating sexuality with immorality is absurd.

There are a lot of bad diseases and there are a lot of people carrying those diseases. Sleeping around with multiple partners is a great way to get a nasty STD. This is a real concern for any intelligent person. Ignoring the problem does not make it go away.

Here is what you should know about STDs:

Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
http://www.cdc.gov/std/

Screening for Sexually Transmitted Disease: Who, When, and How
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/754191

also @ misfit

why is it that americans are so hung up about STD's and pregnancy

I mean, I accept they are something to take care about, but whenever sex comes up in any forum, its always the american posters who scream 'STD' and 'PREGNANCY'......... Is it because the american school/sex ed system is SO useless, that you have to double check and treble check that everyone is fully aware of STDS and possible PREGNANCY?

Have you ever heard of a condom?

People have unwanted children all the time, even when they use birth control. Studies have shown that the pregnancy rate for people who consistently use condoms is 2%. That means there is a condom failure 2 out of every 100 times that a condom is used.
Genital herpes can still be contracted even with the use of condoms, because there can be skin contact in infectious areas that are not covered by the condom.

I guess what I'm saying is, $#!+ happens, even when precautions are taken.

improper use of the condom.

Yep, simple as they might APPEAR to be to use, lots of people can't quite figure out how condoms work.

Probably because our society is so hung-up on abstinence-only sex ed.

The implied judgement-from-on-high, (from jacofanatic, who is not really higher on the moral ladder but thinks he is), that pre-judging reflex is what turns me off.

I don't even know you,but after exposure to two short sentences from you I want to run away. Could be that you are giving off that I-have-a-right-to-judge-you vibe, along with the I-am-better-than-you vibe.

And come to think of it, there's also the extremely ignorant idea that women should "save" themselves for you.

And you also expect that a minute after you're married, this woman will also be completely well-adjusted sexually and able to fully satisfy you and know how to show you how to satisfy her and everything will be copacetic...right?

What makes you think she'll want you?

It's revolting the Madonna/Whore mentality is still around. Being a virgin or not doesn't make someone a better person.

I was thinking, well that's a unique problem, until I read it again.

stop playing with yourself and go learn to meet women. there is a wide variety of people in the world. You my friend are not looking very hard.

OK Peter Pan.
It's time for you to become a grown up.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/12/2012 01:13PM by Dave the Atheist.