When my kids were babies I listened to a CD called Raising a Family to the Lord (I think) and in it the couple talked about why they didn't let their children go to sleepovers. I thought it was a good idea, but now that I am no longer Mormon I am rethinking this. I did sleepovers as a kid and we always got into trouble. So, we decided our kids could do late overs. I think that this is what a lot of Mormon families do. Is this ridiculous or a good idea?

I've never heard of that one before! My parents always let me go to sleepovers as a kid. But I do remember the first time I had a sleepover at a non-member friends house, my mom gave me a speech about how her dad may be a child molester. She told me to call her to have me picked up if he drank beer or tried to rape me lol. She NEVER brought up anything like that for a mormon friend.

The majority of my friends were non-members as I was growing up but I did spend the night at a members house one time that I can fully remember. And guess who was trying to fondle and touch me all night?! Not my active member friends dad, but the active member herself!!!!! As soon as the sun came up I called my mom and was out of their pronto never to interact with my horny mormon friend again. Mind you, we were both about 13 at the time *sheesh*

I don't have kids, but I would decide about sleepovers after taking all the facts in to consideration. How trustworthy are your kids? Do you know the adults in the house and do you trust them? Will there be adequate supervision? Do the people have similar standards and rules as you do? I don't think absolute rules work in cases like these. We had sleepovers and nothing bad ever happened. For starters my friends and I were good kids and our parents kept an eye on the situation.Just use common sense.BTW, if kids want to get into trouble, they will find away and they don't have to be at a sleepover. They can sneak out of your house, drink, do drugs and have sex just about anywhere. Same for being molested.That can happen at school, church or any number of places.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2012 11:38PM by bona dea.

I didn't let my kids.
My niece was raped at a sleep over. It was at the second counselor
to bish. house. His teenaged son was the perp. My niece was 11.

Other side of the coin. I didn't want my son to be accused of something he didn't do.

The stories can go both ways.

We never were up to much trouble with sleepovers. I don't have any issues with it. I only had one household where I didn't allow a sleepover.

I don't like the whole late-over trend. If you have an issue with slumber parties, fine, have your party during reasonable hours so people don't have to pick up their kids at midnight...save that for the teen years. :) I just don't understand this whole "fake slumber party" stuff. I trust my kids and their friends to behave themselves and I'm off to bed for a movie and snoozing. If they get up to no good, then no more slumber parties.

These "late-overs" seem to be pretty popular these days, so what do you do? I suppose I could say no, but instead I'm off to pick up the kid in the middle of the night, they had fun and I grumble a lot.

My vote is ridiculous. :)

Besides staying up all night talking and trying new hairsyles, make up etc (if you are a girl) is the fun. Leaving at midnight isn't the same.

Things may have changed since I was that age, but I remember having to fight tooth and nail to be allowed to go to a friend's house for my first sleepover. Everybody else in our group was going, and the birthday girl's family had a swimming pool, and the weather was WARM!!!

My mother was a control freak and hated to let me go anywhere out of her sight. When we got there, she lectured the birthday girl's mother that I was to be in bed by ten, and not to be in the pool for more than ten minutes because I burn easily, etc, etc. The friend's mother realized immediately that she was dealing with a control freak, so she agreed to everything, with a perfectly straight face.

We stayed up most of the night, giggling and gossiping and we were in the pool at one in the morning and it was one of the most treasured experiences of my youth.

I realize that awful things can happen, but they usually don't. Our kids had - and attended - sleepovers, and aside from slightly baggy eyes the next day, the kids were always fine.

I let them go but once my daughter was 5 or 5 1/2 and her sister and her went to one together and the little one was so upset late at night (missing mommy) that the parents called me and I had to go get her. And it was in Utah.

I think if I had it to do over I would say they can go beginning at age 7 unless it is a realtive. I would tell them over and over, don't ask unless you are seven. They are better able to talk about the entire evening and when they woke up, ate breakfast, etc. I like to know how the whole sleepover went.

Yes...but that was 20+ years ago...and not very often...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/14/2012 05:55PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

My parents were fine with sleepovers until about 5th or 6th grade, but never in mixed company. Like if my friend had a brother, the brother had to be gone somewhere else. After I turned 12, it was over. Preteens & teenagers get up to a lot of trouble. In my day, the worst you did was stay up late & watch cable, but nowadays, well, the 13 year old next door just got knocked up by the friend of her friend's brother, who was sleeping over the same night she was. So there's an argument towards defining what's ok with you & what's not.

Whatever restrictions you apply, be prepared to explain them to other parents...I have no problem being thought of as a helicopter mom, if that's what it takes to be sure my kids are safe. We only allow a sleepover with one family because we know them well & they live 2 doors down. But that's going to end after 4th grade & we'll be doing late overs. Kids grow up too fast these days & there are a lot of nonchalant parents out there, so you have to be rigorous in defending your kids' innocence.

When did sleepovers become military combat?

I slept over and would like to think I am still normal. My kids slept (and sleep) over. Especially here, where I can see what's going on.

It's all about knowing who is the person in charge of the sleepover, and how they are handling the sleeping arrangements.

Age has nothing to do with self defense. A 5 year old can be the number of moves as necessary. Listem and Learn!

My parents let me and my best friend have sleep overs till I was 11, (she was 10). We would sleep outside in the back yard on a air mattress. She was my first love for sure. We kissed and held hands, nothing more. It was her bearing her testimony that made me decide to quite the Morg.

She was a super smart kid and we used to discuss religion and the universe while we looked at the stars at night.

She went to BYU, and last time I spoke with her she was a full on Mormon zombie.

My daughter is 10 and I let her have sleep overs. They sleep up in her Giant loft bed, and stay up all night. No boys though!

yes

I'd still let them do it but probably take more precautions these days.

My daughter (11) just had one last weekend at her friend's (nevermo) house. I think there were 5 girls there that night, two of which (LDS) did not spend the night.

There are too many perverts out there. If you want to protect your daughters, don't risk it. Even if the father/family appear normal and you think you know them well - you really don't know people. If I knew what I know now, I would have never let my daughter(s) stay overnight with anyone.

I don't have kids, but I often think about these kinds of situations.

I grew up going to slumber parties- Sometimes at childhood friend's house whose father is a convicted pederast. He was arrested after groping one of his daughter's friends at a slumber party. I know of at least one other female he molested before this. BTW, he was convicted some 6 or 7 years AGAIN after the fist conviction. And yes, he and his family are prominent Mormons in my childhood ward.

Other slumber parties seemed to be typical adolescent girl stuff- doing each other's hair, makeup, trying on clothes, prank calls. There was some sexual experimentation, but that's pretty typical and normal for that age. My non-Mo friends' parents seemed a hell of a lot more normal and safe to be around that the Mormons in retrospect.

SO in the end, like everything else in life, it's a crap shoot. I read an article in "Latina" magazine last month covering why old-school-Latina mamis don't allow their daughters to sleepover at friend's house and it's for the same reasons in the former paragraph. I think one of these best things to teach children is that no one has the right to touch their genitals without permission, even a doctor.

Just kidding.
When the kids were between 8 and 12 we let them occasionally when we knew the family pretty well. After 12 though, we stopped letting them unless it was a church or scout outing, or we knew and trusted the other parents would be aware of their activities.

When they are older, they claim to be sleeping over at one house while they are really somewhere else getting into trouble.

I don't have kids, so I should probably shut up, but I'll just share my experience as a former kid.

I went to many slumber parties and sleepovers with nonmormon girlfriends. Nothing worse happened than staying up all night, annoying the host parents. We ordered pizza, maybe made some prank phone calls, gossiped about boys, did each other's hair and make up (there's always one girl in dire need of a makeover), made popcorn, ate a bunch of junk, and watched too much late night TV. We even made up little skits with songs and performed for the parents and older siblings. I have pics of one of those performances, and they are a HOOT!

When I went to slumber parties or sleepovers where mormon girls were involved, there was always at least one toilet papering mission where we'd sneak out of the house in the middle of the night and go roll the neighborhood. Once, I slept over at one girlfriend's house and while she was sleeping, I banged her brother (who was about 15 at the time). Nothing came of that and I kept my mouth shut about it and so did he. But I was never invited into as much trouble as when I was hanging out with mormon kids.

I do let my son have sleepovers, and have since he was younger. He is now 15 and his sleepovers are noisy, messy, and obnoxious, but they don't get into trouble. I guess I have the advantage because it is only him and I, so there are no other siblings or parents to worry about doing bad things, and these boys can fight back at this point.

I think him being the only child makes it so he craves that company. He hardly ever goes over to their houses, which I wish they would. But everyone else has silbings, etc. So they all come over here.

I do go to bed at a certain point cause I can't stay awake any longer. But I do have to yell at them occasionally to get to bed or stop pounding up and down the stairs. They usually break something or put a dent in my walls......only 3 more years!!

I need to go re-read Raptor Jesus's holy epistle to the Perverts earlier today for specific guidance. But the first rule of thumb in seducing a woman is to (a) make sure she's at least 18 years old, (b) make sure she's not a subordinate at work. Once this is all fulfilled then it's time to seduce 'em.

sure, but only people we know well of course.

I used to work in my state AG's criminal appeals office. Unfortunately, I worked on far too many cases where child molestation occurred during a sleepover. After a couple cases of this, my extra-paranoid senses kicked in and I stopped letting them.

At least according to all those documentaries online.

My wife and I disagree on this. For me as a kid sleepovers were fantastic and we never did anything seriously wrong. I wish my kids could have that experience.

For my wife she and her siblings all got in lots of trouble at sleepovers and were in some weird situations.

So her vote wins and my kids don't get to do sleepovers.

I think maybe the trick is to stop/reduce them around adolescense. Most of the great sleepover memories I have are pre-puberty. I only did a few after that so maybe my parents started discouraging them or maybe it was that we happened to move about that time.

Hypothetical:

Mom: young women's president
Dad: bishopric, past bishop
They have 2 natural kids and adopted 6 children from other countries. They love kids, and are very involved with the kids in the ward. They are both BYU graduates. She has a degree in early childhood education. He is Ceo of a mid size company. They make a good living. They have a huge beautiful home on 10 acres out in the country. She has a housekeeper, and home schools the kids. Their older daughters are the favorite ward baby sitters. You have lived in the same ward for 12 years.

Being YW pres. she has a lot of sleepovers for the girls. They average once a month. Sometimes they sleep out in the fenced back yard.

Would you let your daughter spend the night?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/14/2012 04:39PM by Mia.

My niece is a quiet, shy,and obedient girl. A good girl through and through. Not boy crazy, or wild in the least.

The above setting (post) describes the situation she was in when she got raped by a 17 year old boy (she didn't really know) a week after she had turned 11.

He was the oldest son in the above described family.
Unknown to my nieces parents, this boy had raped at least 3 other young girls in the ward, while they were at sleepovers. The church leadership effectively kept his deeds a secret and swept them under the rug. If they had dealt with it in the beginning my niece would not have been raped by him.

The bishop, sp, and heads in SLC tried to keep nieces parents quiet. Her parents felt it was their duty to let people know what was going on.They didn't want this to happen to another little girl. Especially when, 2 weeks later, another sleepover was being held under the same circumstances. My BIL broke up the party, and told ALL of the adults involved he was going to go to every paper he could think of between SLC and Canada to tell the story if they didn't stop this right now. They released the yw's pres.,her and her husband denied everything. SLC told my niece and her parents they needed to forgive.

BIL and his wife were blacklisted in the ward. SLC was worried sick the church was going to be sued. My niece went into therapy (non-lds). The perp. was scolded. The ward divided down the middle.

In the end, my niece has recovered as best she can. She went on to college, got married, and has 2 cute little kids and a good hubby. The boy who raped her no longer had access to the girls in the ward, so he went on to rape 2 of his younger sisters ages 7 and 5. He eventually left town, married and now has little kids of his own. As far as I know, he's still an active church member. I don't know what town he lives in. He has NO record.

Are there boys over 13 in the house? Then, no.

Will the parents be staying up all night to ensure the girls don't sneak out and vandalize the neighbors' houses? If not, then no.

My daughter was invited to attend a Christian summer camp for a week. I was a bit concerned since, although I knew the neighbors who had invited her, I didn't know the rest of the people at the camp. I sat down with my daughter and had a short discussion:


Me: "Fanny, what would you do if one of the camp leaders sneaked into your bedroom at night and started doing inappropriate things?"

Her: (thinking for a moment) "I'd probably beat him up."

Me: "You'll do fine at the camp."


By the way, her name is not "Fanny" but if Fanny Alger's father had sat her down and had this talk maybe history would have turned out differently.

I thought sleep-overs were a good social skills opportunity for my boys. I always made sure I knew the parents and all adults in the house, went inside and visited at drop off and pick up, and made sure my son knew he could call and I'd be there instantly. Reading the above posts makes me terrified. I'm glad I don't have young kids now.

For my son's 18th bday, we invited 20 or 30 kids to stay as long as they wanted, including all night. There were several girls at the party and I decided to just stay up all night with them if any of the girls spent the night. As it turned out, the girls left at mid-night.

When we have teenage sleepovers, we lock up all the alcohol and prescription drugs. I spend the time preparing and serving snacks, so I can keep an eye on them without being too intrusive.

My daughter only has one good friend that she does sleepovers with. the family is a very strong Christian family so there isn't any trouble.

Uhhhhhh.....

Being a good, strong Christian family has proven not to be a deterrent to child sexual abuse.

That you KNOW the family is a much better indication than their religious affiliation.