Suppose your TBM kid is stretching to pay all his family's bills, on a very tight budget, being as frugal as possible, etc.

But, he and his wife are also still paying tithing.

So he comes to you for a loan, and you want to give him the money. After all, he's your son and he needs help, and you want to help him out in time of need.

But you're effectively paying his tithing for him, right?

What would you do?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/24/2012 10:20AM by PapaKen.

Make him promise not to tithe your loan to him.

Being emotionally disconnected from your situation, it's very easy for me to say, 'no way would I pay!'

And the arm-chair psychologist in my head thinks that 'effectively paying his tithing for him' is enabling him to stay in a cult.

Sometimes you have to 'be mean' to be truly compassionate, imo.

than it is his to convert you.

I handled my ill father's finances for a his last few years and paid his tithing for him. When you love someone, you accept them as they are and you help them. Period.

If he were spending money frivolously, then I wouldn't step in. But there is nothing frivolous about tithing to him.

As ex Mormons, we should be the best possible examples of unconditional love.

I would help, but I would do it in such a way that he won't pay tithing on what you give him. Pay his mortgage directly to the lender for a few months or give him a preloaded card for a grocery store.

I faced the same issue helping my aging parents. I would buy food, medicine, those kids of things. I realized that doing so would free up money for tithing. But they were always there for me, no questions asked. My card carrying sibs never would help much.

I did the same for my daughter with food, later realized she was addicted to drugs. Had lots of advice from people preaching tough love. I couldnt let her go hungry. So in reality I helped her buy drugs.
In either case I have no regrets, as the help I gave was from my heart to people I love. You have to make those choices as they arise. I have always preferred helping people I love than giving to charity. With the excpetion of 2 childrens hospitals. Primaries and St. Judes.

I agree with PP's- It would be kind of you to help (by no means required) and the best way would be something like a Walmart/grocery store card, direct bill payment, or ship an actual box of goods to ensure they were getting what they need. With things so tight how come they don't talk with their Bishop about getting some welfare services from the church? If they are paying 10% of their income and still running short of monthly expenses they will likely qualify for some help there.

Thanks everyone! I like the idea of buying food for them - Costco card just might be the answer.

Don't know why I didn't consider this before. I kept thinking that my loan would be helping LD$, Inc. make payments on City Creek Center, and that idea makes me FURIOUS!!

It really helps to get others' opinions. This board is GREAT!

Don't let your son go hungry, +10000000... on a gift card to somewhere rather than cash.

My first thought was just buy the food or the diapers, pay the electric bill directly or buy the grandkids their clothes rather than sending cash...there's still going to be a trickle with the tithing, but at least this way when forking out some dough, you can be clear on where the money going and that the important needs are met. I see pretty much everyone else pretty much said the same thing. :)