She called, and asked if one of her girlfriends can tag along. She's Chinese, and her friend is here on a temporary visa from Thailand, so it might be her only chance to see this town that has a great reputation as a visitors spot. I agreed to the friend tagging along. I am a casual acquaintance with the friend, but not as much as with the Chinese girl.

I'm also guessing this means that she thinks of our adventure as either not a date, or she wants a chaperone. I am fine with either one, because it is still time with her, which is time building towards something great.

There is a third possibility. The friend is always flirty with me, and I am wondering if they are trying to hook me up with her. She is on a temporary visa, so they might think that getting her married to me, would be a great way for her to get a green card. If I really loved a girl, marrying her so she could stay in the country would be no big deal. However, I am not looking into getting into a marriage of convenience. Though I don't think this is the case, because the Thia girl is a frequent flier of the visa system. She stays in the country for six months, goes home for three, then returns on a new work visa, though not always to the same city. It's a good system for her, because it allows her to visit with her family.

My Chinese friend already has a green card, meaning she can stay in this country till the day she dies, provided she doesn't start commenting felonies.

My question is how should I play things tomorrow, keeping in mind that I am primarily interested in my Chinese friend.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/26/2012 07:35PM by forbiddencokedrinker.

It sounds like you just got pushed hard into the "friend zone"

That is my greatest fear.

It's possible your not and it is really legit, but sounds unlikely. Really the only thing you can do is ask her on a 2nd date afterwards and try kissing her. Are you willing to risk things being awkward at work where it appears odds are she's not interested romantically?

It's also possible if you play it cool things can develop romantically on her side, but odds are against it. I've seen it happen though...

Just have this date be really casual in all regards and then ask her for a second date when a tag along wouldn't work so well. Pick a place for only couples to go. See if she will go. Maybe she wants her friend to approve of you. Don't get why she would have the friend come along if it was to hook her up with you. You didn't ask her. And she knows that. Rather strange. The bedding both thing....if you are serious...well, that is not a way to focus on one gal. Could be a real end game situation.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/26/2012 09:07PM by honestone.

I will probably fantasize about bedding them both tonight, but that is the only time that will come into play.

about the "just friends" thingy...but remember they are Asian/Oriental(hell i cant remeber which is the better pc name) and they have different ways of "courting" just go with the flow and by them a coke and smile!! :)I know that their culture may almost require some one else along...just go with the flow and see where it leads and have nothing preconcieved man!! it could be your reaction to the friend invite she wants check out...it might be she IS setting you up with her friend...it might be they BOTH WANT YOU...althought the latter is less likely but not impossible...I suggest while out that you pay for both...this ONE time...that will set you apart from others...and having them remember you and liking their time with you...thats if you can afford it...if not is it all dutch??
Hmmmm... i see some possibilties here!! :)

It's early, fcd. Let it play out. It NEVER hurts to impress a girl's good friend. Just be cool and show them both a good time.

I read somewhere that Asian girls tend to prefer guys who start off as friends, though I think this might have just been something hopeful written by a guy stuck in the friend zone. I am going to play it by ear, cross my fingers and hope the other girl gets called into work.

I am betting that if she is trying to play matchmaker for her friend, she will claim to have gotten called in last second, and me and the Thia girl will end up alone.

Also, I am only referring to them as the Chinese Girl and the Thia girl in order to clarify which is which, without breaking anonymity. At work, and in my head, I think of them by their names.

I agree. If she is indeed leaning towards just friends, the only way to turn it around is to let her see what a great guy you are. Start off by happily and gracefully accomodating her friend on this outing.

If I were really interested in a guy, I would not ask to bring a friend. And aren't you in your 30s? I'm assuming she's close to your age, which would make any desire to bring a chaperone weird.

As far as it being this girl's only chance to see Tourist Town - if I were the girl #1, I'd reschedule with you for another day and take my friend myself. Sounds to me like they're using you for a ride.

Don't be a tool fcd.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/26/2012 08:00PM by sdee.

It does sound likely that she is wanting to hang out as friends. Bringing a friend along seems like a dead giveaway to me, but then again you never know.

Go out with both of them and have a good time. Make them laugh -- and don't have any expectations. Look at it from your friend's point of view --she can't leave her friend from China high and dry. Go with the flow!

I am going to play it out. I am changing the location of the restaurant where we were going to eat. Instead of the nice Irish Pub, I am going to try for something like a Cracker Barrel. That way, I don't have to worry about the other girl having to pay for a meal she can't afford, and will not look like a sucker by having to offer to pay for both of their meals if she can't. I am also going to fight the urge to try and bed both of them, which I only mention because I know someone will suggest it on here sooner or later.

thats for breakfast after your first nite together you silly rabbit!!
Go Irish!! at least it means some drinks anyway...i dont think you are being played...its a different culture!!

You make a good point. The Irish place isn't all that much more expensive. Plus they make their own beer.

Take a friend of yours along, too.

OK, the friend who suggested downgrading to the Cracker Barrel, is a female buddy, he just told me she is planning on leaving her husband in the next couple of weeks. I am taking what she says, under the column of potential saboteur.

But how do I handle dinner? Offer to pay for both, downgrade to something simpler, or stick out with the original plan, stepping in to pay for the second girl only if she is in a tight spot?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/26/2012 09:05PM by forbiddencokedrinker.

You can't go wrong with pizza.

Everybody likes pizza and beer, and it's reasonable.

I think you are right, that is the way to go.

One other thing to think about -- maybe your Chinese girl is nervous about going on a date and will feel more comfortable getting to know you better without the pressure of being one-on-one? I know that I, personally, am a bit shy with people I don't know well and would want to spend some time with someone I was interested in more of a group setting first.

I don't know how well you know each other through work, and so maybe I'm way off, but I wanted to throw my point-of-view out there. :) Good luck!

We see each other often, and have fun flirting with each other, but don't really work that closely. Really, I mostly just interact with her a few minutes at a time, a couple times each day.

Why you ol' polygamist you! ;-)

I agree with GQ Cannonball - just chill and have fun!

Good luck! :-)

So I shouldn't mention my background with Mormons and their history with polygamy?

Nooooo!!!! It will scare both of them off.

This is something that should only be mentioned later in a relationship, as part of your past.

She probably is just being polite in bringing the friend who is visiting.
What was she going to do, be rude and make her stay home alone?
It's a different culture where good manners are important.

I don't think you are being friend zoned, though there may be some cultural issues that make reading the situation difficult. The best thing to do in this situation is to go out with both of them, be charming, be fun and be in control. If she brings up the issue of a relationship, then be honest with your feelings, but try not to be creepy. After a few dates, then you should bring up your feelings to see if things are going anywhere.

Either way, go out, have fun.

I wouldn't stress about her bringing a friend. Remember that you are both just getting to know one another. Relax and have a good time!

I just remembered something I should add.

I kind of went on a threesome date once where I finagled an excuse to bring another guy along. It was largely because I was worried the girl was expecting more romantically when I was more interested in friendship.

I ended up marrying this girl.

+1 I'd just chill and have fun. Don't read too much into it. Friendships can always turn into something more, and that's a great way to get a relationship off to a good start.

If I weren't so far away in both age and miles. Any way, go and have a good time. You may get a very good and pleasant trip after all. Jim

It is totally cultural, having a completely different meaning than sending a friendzone message. It acutally means it's a first date.

The best discussion on this Asian custom is here. Since her friend is Thai, this totally makes sense.

http://crossculturalrelationshipsbyjj.blogspot.com/2012/03/first-date-advice-coping-with-cultural.html


Anagrammy

What would we do without Anagrammy? This is great info and a possibly a very positive sign. No pressure, fcd, you may be sized up more than you'd planned on. lol ;)

It is hard to say, but if I had a friend from another country visiting, I would probably do what she did or cancel the date until the girl had gone home.It would be rude to leave her on her own particulalry if she is only here for a short visit.