I don't believe in the Church. I highly doubt I'll ever go back or participate in any way.

I want to have my name removed, because 1) I don't believe it 2) I don't want them to be able to count me in their "14 million" 3) I want to solidify my position in the minds of others.

I DON'T want to have my name removed because I don't want my local ward, or any of my family and friends, to see me as hostile.

There's also an element of wanting to be "with" my husband on this. He doesn't believe either, but he's not going to have his name removed, for the sake of his parents. This means that he and my children will still be on the records, without me. I'm not entirely comfortable with that (albeit imaginary) separation. On the other hand, I kind of like the idea of owning my OWN life and decisions.

I just realized the other day that your parents will see the absence of your name on their own records. That was one thing I hadn't thought of.

What other things am I not thinking of?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/02/2012 10:19AM by sdee.

Mormons do see this as a hostile action against them.

Someday, you can reconsider if you're no longer so concerned about your image with mormons. There's no hurry.

They still "count you" if you resign or not.

The one clear advantage would be that if you feel pestered by church visitors and callers, your resignation would most likely drastically cut back on church contact, if not eliminate it altogether.

You might consider letting your membership ride for now, and then see how you feel about it in a few years. Given your circumstances (with family and community issues,) I might well stay in if I weren't particularly bothered by the church contact.

You bishop is likely to spill the beans to others in your ward and the word will get around that you resigned. And there is some way that your parents will know from their own official church records.

I quit attending church meetings when I was age 17. My parents were TBMs. That was over a half century ago and there was no such thing as resignation back then. So I remained a member.

My father included me in his will for a significant amount of money, even though I was totally inactive in the church. It is likely that if I had resigned I would have been disinherited. So there was definitely some significant financial benefit for me NOT to resign while my parents were still living. Finally at age 54 I did resign. It was more of a symbolic gesture in my own mind than anything practical.

I have a 42 year old son who was baptized into LDSinc. at age 8, mainly because my parents wanted that to happen. My son never attended church after that. As an adult he joined a protestant church. To this day he is still a member of the CoJCoLDS. He knows that he can resign, but since he has had no contact with the church for 34 years he can't see any reason to bother with it. I agree with him.

What are all the consequences?

Freedom to choose and wear your own underwear.

Freedom to read any book that you so choose.

Freedom to learn about any subject that suit your fancy.

Freedom to go wherever you want on any day you want.

Freedom to think the opposite of how you were told to think.

Now you add to the list. It is your list you know!

One more to add that you are now free of but have not taken action yet.

Freedom to not care about what others think and choose your own paths in life without letting the judgment of people who don’t matter (because they don’t pay your bills nor live your life in your place) affect those decisions in any way whatsoever!

“I don't want my local ward, or any of my family and friends, to see me as hostile.”

This is a latent fear, a leftover of group think that must be released for you to truly be free to practice the above list including all the items that you are adding.

And to your Resignation. Yeah Baby, Yeah!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/02/2012 10:38AM by AmIDarkNow?.

I appreciate what you're saying, but you don't have to officially resign to have all of those advantages. I've been doing all of that for months now. I don't go to Church and I've told my family that I don't claim Mormonism. My feelings are clear to them, although keeping my name on might give them false hope. But I can deal with that.

In the church's eyes, you have excommunicated yourself.

I think if I were you, I'd stick and not resign because that (imaginary) separation would be bothersome to me too, and I would worry about the family fall-out as well and the "hostility" perceived by members and friends...let sleeping dogs lie, as they say.

On the other hand, since Mormons have a tendency to go after the children, often without your knowledge or permission, and put the pressure on them, official resignation is probably the best choice. Your husband may be reluctant, but he ought to consider this one.

Actual consequences I can think of:

1) You show as a non-member of the records of your immediate family - your parents, your spouse, your children. I believe, but do not know for sure, that your name will still be on these records but that your membership status will be as non-member. (I'll ask to see my wife's next Dec when she goes to tithing settlement then I will know for sure.)

2) If you want to be a member again you must be re-baptized and it must be at least 1 year after you resign.

3) As long as you are a member you show up on computer generated reports of "needs a home teacher/needs a visiting teacher". Typically the ward leadership knows who you are and says to leave you alone if you have made it clear you want no contact. Many wards will assign a Home Teacher / Visiting Teacher even if you say you don't want one. In some cases that may be a neighbor who counts it as "done" if they hi to you that month. In other wards they may send you something in the mail. In other wards they may leave you alone.

4) If you are a member you are subject to disciplinary action. They can decide to hold a "church court". It's pretty rare that they will do this unless you do something to start the process - like making a confession to the bishop. However they do have this option.

5) As long as you are a member they consider themselves to have "stewardship" over you. This doesn't necessarily mean anything from a practical standpoint, but emotional it bugged me. Of course a bishop is still considered to have stewardship for everyone in his ward boundaries whether they are a Mormon or not - but it's a little different.

6) Depending on the ward, a lot of members of the ward may get a ward list with your membership status on it. Depending on your ward they may keep this more or less confidential. The bishop in the ward I live in is maybe too good at keeping it confidential - I keep getting calls asking me to say prayers at church. In other wards it will spread through the gospel chain in no time flat - that's probably more the norm.

7) You are probably slightly less likely to get a visit from the ward as a non-member vs as a member. As the leadership of the ward changes they may not know who you are and pay you a visit if they see you listed as a member. This will vary widely by your ward.

Really from a practical standpoint what will happen with the church is pretty minimal whether you resign or go inactive. It has a lot more to do with how you will feel and how it will impact the relationships of those you care about.

Thanks. Your last sentence especially. I think I'll leave the whole thing alone.

I've had those same thoughts for years.....and because I have a TBM Dr. and dentist...I've wondered if I'd be dropped by them should I resign....the truth of the matter is that I could care less if I'm counted or not...I live my life completely outside any church connection....my faith is my own business....

Could be many, could be few. If you choose name removal (their term)/resignation, you choose the consequences that will come your way. They are different for everyone, it seems.

You decide what you want to do.
There is no such thing as: one true way, or one size fits all.

I have had my name and information removed since the 60's. I still get calls from the records dept. so as to update their records. Having been a mormon is sort of like having a bad scar you don't want anyone to see.

When we discovered that the church is untrue, we decided to remove our names. We did wait until my TBM FIL was released as stake clerk to do so, not because we didn't want or were reluctant to let him know (we came out openly to my MIL and FIL) but we did not want him to have to process the paper work. That seemed a bit cruel.

Primarily, we did not want the church bothering us in general - no visiting teachers, home teachers, re-activation efforts. Even more so, no gossip about us and what sins we were committing to be under the influence of satan. Only one child was baptized and we did not want his name to show up on the YM rolls and have the leaders and youth discussing him, friendshipping him, plotting to harvest him as their own. My DH and I had been in too many YW/YM presidencies to know that this would happen.

my TBM family will be finding out about my resignation in t-minus 8,7,6,5,4....I'm sorry but I really don't give a f*ck. When they mention not being able to see me in the CK I'm going to say "well, let's just enjoy the time we have left on Earth then."

NO ONE is going to stop me from living an authentic life. The second you begin "hiding" things, you have handed yourself over to the mormons. I'm sorry, but that's just not my idea of living or being happy anymore.

I fully expect to be gossiped about and shunned to the nth degree.....so what? That is their problem, not mine. That is THEM being judgmental not me. Good luck to them is all I have to say.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/02/2012 05:33PM by Tupperwhere.

I love what you will say to them about not being together in the CK..."Let's just enjoy the time we have here on earth." That is perfect. I think I would be like you if I did what you did. Congrats on being upfront with it all. And yes, it is all THEIR problem, not yours.

I've been thinking about this myself, even though I haven't gone to "the church" since I was 12. (i'm now in my thirties) I don't know why a dumb mistake I made as a 8 year is still haunting me?

Im 26 and grew up a TBM but after my mission I began that difficult yet liberating process of leaving the church. I'm now an atheist and a few months back I sent my letter of resignation following all the correct steps and it was denied due to a lack of personal info supposedly. So I sent in another letter with the details they asked for and it was denied too. I then sent in a furious and almost desperate email with both letters attached as well. It was denied too. So, I called the church record explained everything and demanded I be taken off and was denied again. I gave up and don't really care anymore. :/

being able to tell two or three suits who appear, without prior phone call, on your front porch: "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you. Besides, do you REALLY think I'm going to permit THREE (or TWO or whatever) adult males to come into my house when I'm here alone? Good evening, gentlemen." (Close door firmly.)

The looks on their faces is priceless.

sdee - unless these family members work at the Church offices, they will not be looking the the church rolls will they? The average Morg doesnt' go in and look a the membership rolls. Before I took my name off, I didn't think much about those memberships rolls.
I you will feel freer and happier with your name removed, do it. Other people who do find out somehow (which may never happen) will have to deal with it their way.
Keep in mind the TSCC has no power or hold over you any more.

I am another person who has opted to NOT resign.... I have no real reason to, as It has never bothered me for the last 15 years I have been 'totally inactive'.
This side of the pond (UK) there are less members per head of population, and the wards are pretty widespread. No one has ever bothered me (maybe there was the odd visit or phone call, at first... I cant really remember, and they were not 'invasive')

I think they probably count us as members whether we resign or not.........in any case, it's obvious they pull most membership figures out of any handy orifice.

You have some good advice, above, from people who have been through different processes....... IMO, as long as you dont contribute, you should feel free to do anything which feels comfortable for you.