I went to a temple wedding for a friend a while back (Obviously chilled outside and waited) and it required a road trip with a few other groomsmen. When we arrived at the temple one of the guys begins telling us a true story witnessed by a couple that lives across the street. One night they looked out their window and saw some native teens spray painting the side of the temple. They were shocked and about to call 911 but then witnessed the trails of spray paint fade away progressively. The native teens were obviously startled by this miracle and scared shit ran away. Of course this story is 100% true because, he knows these people personally, they're not stupid or delusional, and they're in close enough proximity to have been sure of what they saw.

The best part is I'm the one guy in that group who's seen as an irrational, prideful, moron because I ignore the truth...

There's so many wonderful Mormon Myths out there (some stories do have credibility), let's hear some! Heck, there should be a section devoted to just this kind of nonsense.

making the rounds.

The sad thing is that the persons eagerly recounting the absurd story willfully refuse to see how ridiculous it is.

i heard somebody say that people would shoot bullets at the bountiful temple but the bullets would disappear before they actually hit the temple.

About these missionaries who visited this elderly widow. They gave her the BoM after her second lesson. A week later they returned and asked if she had read any of it. She replied by saying she had read the ENTIRE BoM in a week. They missionaries were completely astounded and congratulated her. "Yes," she replied. "It's even more of a miracle because I am BLIND! Gawd opened my eyes so I could read the BoM!"

After FT meeting everyone was crying and bearing their testimonkies about how the spirit told them the story is twoo. I pointed out how ridiculous the entire story was, got some patronizing comments from the teacher about gawd giving us free-will to believe what we want regardless of what the spirit tells us is twoo.

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

vhainya, you're forgetting that it's a gift of the spirit to believe in stories like that. You just obviously weren't gifted enough... right? A shame, you obviously aren't one of the Elect, God-Favored, Zionist, knowers of truth, probably a fence sitter in the pre-earth life.

Fence sitter!! HAHAHA That is so me. My entire childhood I couldn't get over how I had picked the wrong family to grow up in. I wanted to be in some no-mo family because they seemed way more fun.

She didn't even mention it when they offered her the book?

Either they are incredibly stupid and her just as forgetful, or that is about the craziest story I've heard yet.

I even used a church-owned media source on this one...

http://www.ksl.com/?sid=6819386&nid=148

>June 14th, 2009 @ 8:08pm

>SOUTH JORDAN -- There were some 6,000 to 8,000 lightning strikes in the Salt Lake Valley Saturday, and it appears one of them struck the new Oquirrh Mountain temple.

>Witnesses say the lightning blackened the arm, trumpet and face of the Moroni statue that sits on top of the temple's steeple.

I'm sure he'll be white and delightsome again in no time, though.

Which tells you that bad shit is going to go down. Because what mormon story ever involves anything good when you are in a class learning to think?

Anyway. The philosophy professor says that prayer is for stupid butt faces, and that god is a silly nanny.

The RM couragesly challenges this idea in front of everyone.

Not to be outdone, the evil philosophy professors laughs evily and then evilly states, "if prayer works then say a prayer that this chalk won't break when I drop it to the ground," and stretches forth his evil hand evilly.

The RM gives a humble prayer, "dear heavenly father. If thou wilst taketh a moment of thy time from nurishing and strengthening food, to show this "philosopher" that he's an ass for using the brain that thou didst grant him. Then please let the chalk go unbroken in these the latter days. Nameofjesuschristamen."

The professor drops the chalk! Gasp! And the chalk disobeyes all laws of physics and drops at an angle to slide sexfully down the professor's pants to the floor. Unharmed!!!

God 1: Philosophy 0

j

I remember as a missionary in Australia in the 70's there was a popular story called "The Trial of the Book of Mormon". We used this story to teach investigators about how the BoM was true and even in a court of law it could be proven. The story went... there was a procecutor who tried his darndest to prove that the BoM was false, but (of course) the defendant always had a come back answer that showed the BoM was real. At the end of the case, the judge was so impressed, he asked to be taught the lessons and eventually converted to the LDS Church! Now I must confess, we all believed that this came from a REAL source; that this "trial" really happened. We (I) never doubted it. (WE never asked what the "source" was or who the people were, or where the trial was held, or date, or where this was recorded.) That would not be "faith promoting". Anyone ever heard this one before?

HAHA! Yeah totally battlebruise. The one I have was a large bound comic-style story and follows the exact plot you shared. I'm pretty sure it's sitting around somewhere in the house. Do you remember day of defense? That was the most ridiculous piece of crap attempt at apologetics. I still laugh at "Scriptural Rail Split" in reference to Brigham Young's Adam-God theory. I don't know which was better, denialist apologetics of the past, or the new admission and 200 page + beating of the bush.

And Battlebruise, where'd you serve?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2010 02:31AM by grassboy.

I was in the Melbourne Australia Mission.

Even as a teenage, brainwashed TBM, I thought the "trial" was a pathetic, one-sided, farcical travesty ... basically a "kangaroo" court (maybe that's because the idea came from Australia! ; ).

It was a fictious book written in the form of a courtroom trial, where the BOM was on trial, along with other LDS doctrines. You have the premise down, and yes even at the end, the judge, who I believe was an Orthodox jew or something asks to have the lessons.

I remember owning this book on my mission back in the late 80's in the Caribbean. We felt I guess that by reading ficticious accounts of people actually winning an arguement regarding the church, that we could to. Everyone I knew read the book. I can't remember what happened to that book, but hopefully it ended up where it belongs...somewhere underneath other garbage!

Heh, I just noticed, they have actually made a movie about this. Look it up on google.....

Dude, Jon Bytheway is speaking at the fireside. We should totally go. He is Soooooooooo funny.

Assuming they didn't have binoculars of course. Which, according to a few of the extremely TBM neighbors I had growing up, were the sort of thing people would leave next to their windows anyway.

One of the last FPRs that I heard while I was still active in the church was about a man who had Down Syndrome. His parents decided to have him get a patriarchal blessing even though he technically didn't need one, being one of god's really special protected spirits and all. In the blessing, it was "revealed" (cough, cough) that this man--the very man sitting in the chair--was no other than the dude who threw Lucifer out after his evil plan of saving everyone was rejected in the pre-existence. After the blessing, the Lard was kind enough to remove this man's disability for a few minutes and he was allowed to speak to his parents as though nothing was wrong with him. Then his disability was put back and all was as it was before. Of course the woman who relayed this story knew the people it happened to. It was only a few months later that I heard another version from a friend.

The other rumors that come to mind have to do with garments. They were the typical stories about someone wrapping their car around the tree and when emergency services got there and began cutting clothes off, they saw the garments and just knew that those special jesus jammies were what saved the person's life. Another one I heard was about someone who was in a fire. They were burned everywhere on their body except where their garments were. So, god is more concerned about saving the nipples than he is about saving someone's face?

I heard several variations of this one over the years. I started asking if garments came with a hood whenever it was told.

Yes, I was popular one in tbm-land. :P

Apatheist, when it comes to the garments, one of those fire protection stories was told on 60 minutes. Bill Marriott told Mike Wallace that the garments do in fact offer protection.The owner of the Marriott hotel chain then related a fantastic story how, when he was in a fiery boating accident, his garments protected him from being burned. He had said how he had severe burns everywhere but where his garments were. Considering it's another layer of clothing, he was in a boat (I assume wearing shorts and a t-shirt or sleeveless garment), then doesn't that make sense he'd be burned everywhere else. Put water in a a paper cup then in a fire and it isn't going to burn...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC1VHMQmAUw. The interviewer can hardly control his laughter as he interviews him :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2010 12:19PM by evolution.

I remember when 60 minutes did this special, but I didn't actually watch it. The stories I remember did not involve water and I heard them when I was very young. The 60 minutes thing was on when I was in high school. Like many FPRs, there are many variations.

the BoM is true. (The pair who converted and claim their research isn't relevant don't count.)

These stories would be charming examples of human nature if they weren't so manipulatively Mormon. I think urban legends are fascinating.

Here's one I heard about two years ago. My neighbor, who was trying to re-convert me, told the story of his uncle who was born with Down syndrome back in the '50s, but was given a blessing. The doctors came back and did some more tests on him, but he didn't have Down syndrome anymore. He died shortly thereafter. Naturally I asked some simple questions, and the story quickly fell apart, but it was a great story in their family, and proof of miracles.

This is what your story reminds me of, Changed Man! ;)

I can remember a story where an Anti kept sicking his dog on the Mishies every time they walked past his yard, then one day one of the mishies summonded up the power of the priesthood and commanded the dog stop, and it died at his feet.

God hates Dogs!

I have a story like that, but this one is TRUE! A companion on my mission told me that while his brother was serving as a missionary, they kept running into this guy on his property that would harass them and treat them terribly. One day he an his companion attempt to teach this guy one last time, and he says all these terrible things and shoves his companion off the steps and onto his butt. Disgruntled they walk away and the companion feeling rejected by the man follows the teachings of Jesus (knowing he has apostolic authority with a little a) and kicks the dust off his feet. That night a tornado touched down directly on this guys house and destroyed it, the houses on either side were unaffected. My comp swore this actually happened!!!

The soldier who's life was saved from a bullet by the Book of Mormon in his pocket. Even bullets cannot get through 2nd Nephi.

I was in Deseret Industries a few years ago. I was looking at the books to see if I could find any good deals.

Turns out the DI had dozens of Book of Mormons, and they were all ones where some family had put their picture and testimony in it. So basically people couldn't figure out who to give these Book of Mormons too, so they gave them to the DI. The Di then turned around and tried selling them for a dollar each.

Anyway, I moved all of the Book of Mormons out of the "Religion" section and into the "Mythology" section. And yes, it felt great!

Try an experiment...go back to the temple and try spray painting the wall. Here are the possible outcomes for mormons....

1) The spray paint disappears as a sign from god that he will not allow his temple to be vandalized....myth proved!

2) The spray paint doesn't disappear as a sign from god that you are being wicked for seeking a sign....myth proved!

Here are the possible outcomes for an Ex-mo....

1) The paint stays on the wall....myth busted!

2) You get caught spray painting the temple and get arrested...you're busted!

Mormon temples don't face the street, you know! Many sit on acres of land that are patrolled by missionaries. Their number one priority is to harass you with questions and invitations to see their childishly stupid dioramas. Number two priority is to provide security (seriously). Young kids would never make it past the gaggle of missionaries patrolling the grounds.

(apologies for the re-run, but there are lots of newbies around)

So anyway, I heard this one from a guy I used to hang with about a scoutmaster of his who owned a waterski boat and decided to take the troop up to one of the local reservoirs for an afternoon of fun...

So they were all out there taking turns and stuff and learning to drive the boat, and danged if this little thunder squall didn't come sneaking in and "BOOM!" There was a lightening strike that hit quite close to where the scouts had their picnic set up on the beach.

The scoutmaster suddenly went white and muttered, "I could've got us all killed!"

At the time, the leader was wearing swim trunks and perhaps another shirt, but he hurriedly headed below deck to the boat's small cabin and emerged shortly afterwards wearing his g's underneath his swim trunks...

He spent the rest of the afternoon alternately driving the boat and waterskiing in this get-up, and there were no further incidents with the weather...

I believe this one...

Besides, the missionaries in my districts in Italy (in the '60s) used to relax by putting on trunks over their one-piece garments. They looked ridiculous, the very reason I did not do it. Point is, I've seen swim trunks over G's, so...

substitute teach distance education classes that serve all of Utah. One day, the Psychology 101 class I was in was talking about sexual orientation. A Mormon from some Utah backwater chimed in and said, "Being gay is a choice, my brother served [a mission] in Africa and they don't have gay people there. If you're born that way, how come they don't have gay people everywhere?"

Bwahahahhaa!

This one's a little hazy in my mind. Back in the 50s before I was born my brother was swimming in the river and the next day was unable to walk. The doctor diagnosed polio.

My dad was in the mountains and was probably unworthy to give a blessing so my grandfather gave one. They then took my brother to a hospital in a distant city and were getting ready to put him in an iron lung when suddenly he was able to walk.

I have a sneaking feeling there is more to this story than I've been told. The family never talks about it and I don't ask. Personally I think the doctor made the wrong diagnosis.

I'll have to ask my unbelieving sister about it when she visits at Christmas. I'm definitely not going to ask my brother about it because that is the basis for his whole testimony and I don't need another sermon.

I'll return and report if my sister spills the beans.

How about the one when during the war the kamikaze pilot tried to drop a bomb on the temple in Hawaii and his gear wouldnt work, He then later joind the church.

Kamikaze pilots didn't drop bombs; they flew them...

And the only chance the Japanese had to bomb Hawaii was during the attack on Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941...

Kamikaze tactics weren't adopted until 1944...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamikaze

And the Hawaii Temple is 35 miles away from Honolulu, not exactly close to a military target...

Praise the Lard and pass me another bullchip slicer...