I’ve been inactive for about 8 years and about 6 months ago I decided to go in and talk to the bishop to see where I stood! Do to past “transgressions” I was put on indefinite probation. I was supposed to go to church see the bishop regularly, pray, read the bofm and of course not read antimo literature. The best part was while in my disciplinary counsel I told them I was reading The 19th wife and found it pretty interesting :)

Anyway, I have a couple of questions. Since I have started digging and investigating more it has become pretty obvious to me that the church is not an organization I want to be involved with. So why is it so hard to let go of the idea? I get the whole cult concept and I am an RM so I know it was ingrained pretty well. It just seems so hard to let it all go. I often find myself still wanting to believe in it and notice myself falling into a depression because of it. I’m just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to lesson this mind f* that seems to be going on. I wrote my letter of resignation about two months ago but still haven’t been able to send it in. I’m sure that would help but I want to get to a place where I can hand deliver it to the bishop not so much out of spite just out of certainty.

I'm not a psychologist, but I think we have to recognize that certain thoughts come from the "rational mind", and others are buried in the "emotional" mind. The emotional mind is very powerful. And it's very difficult to let those emotional thoughts go. They seem to pop up and we can't control them. But I think over time, the rational mind can win out. It's a battle, but the rational mind can prevail. If you really feel that you're struggling you might want to talk to a psychologist or therapist who can help you get control of your thoughts.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/03/2012 10:22PM by canadianfriend.

I remember some mind-bending situations where I was feeling the old feelings of "the spirit" at the exact same time when my mind was screaming "this is complete BS!"

You CAN know something to be false and yet still feel moved by a hymn about it, and you can feel guilty for breaking a rule you know to be invalid. You just have to be patient with yourself and gradually reprogram the old emotional pathways in your brain.

It's only been six months since you started really questioning? That is not very long really, take your time and really get used to the new ideas you've encountered.

I cruised along assuming I was just a failure of a mo, completely inactive for a decade. Then I found this place, and I'm still coping with the switcheroo five years later. I was right to be uncomfortable there! And I'm not bad for not fitting in. But the family relationship consequences are lame.

How will yours take your changing beliefs? Whether you resign or not, how will the ones you tell react?

Mine were pests about my inactivity, but when I resigned, the insults really started to fly.

I was raised in Utah but since have moved away so I’m sure the backlash won’t be as bad. My mother will probably lose her mind lol. I don’t think I would tell any of my active friends in Ut, it’s something they wouldn’t understand. It’s kind of weird feeling how I do now but still being able to imagine how they would feel since it wasn’t that long ago I would have felt the same way. I guess I should have known the direction I was going when I told the bishop at my disciplinary counsel the thought of excommunication gave me a since of freedom. But honestly I think it will take me awhile to tell my mother if I ever tell her.

Thanks for the info! I guess I always lumped my inactive time and my moving away from the belife as the same but I can see now when I was inactive I always thought I would eventully go back and my belifes never changed. So I guess six months isnt really that long to change a lifetime of mental manipulation. To read about it then actully experiance it is pretty wierd. I shall continue on this path of enlightenment :)

Are you having a reconciliation problem? You have been inactive, but you feel like you should return to the way you were raised. You see the man behind the curtain but were raised to revere him as a prophet. You don't want to live a lie, but you don't want to let down the TBM's in your life. You've lived a life with "transgressions" and also the life of a missionary.

It is hard to invest in a fairy tale, especially when you know it is a fairy tale, and expect to earn dividends. At the same time, it is hard to put the fairy tale on the shelf because it has such a beautiful story, promises of happiness, and answers to life's problems.

Do you know what you really want in life? How you want to define yourself, define your relationships with others? It kind of sounds like your bouncing around, trying to find your way, and then guilt hits you and you look for comfort where it has been in the past. But the comfort is false so it makes you depressed. Kind of a vicious cycle.

Sappy excerpt from a greeting card...I'm almost as bad a Uchtdorf with his bumper sticker here...but the lines "So plant your own garden and water your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers" seem to apply. Embrace the past, take the good things from it, but let the parts you have out-grown be cast aside. Don't wait for the corporation/church to make you happy. Stop looking for the approval of others and live so you approve of yourself.

Good luck! It is some hard work. It may seem easier not to study and let the church give you all the answers, but that won't take you anywhere new.

It's not suprising that it's hard for you to disengage. When you were active you were deeply tangled up in the church, and the church had ample opportunities to program your mind.

If you think about it, other Christian churches have a service for about an hour every week. There may be an optional Sunday School for adults. Kids and teens get perhaps an hour of religious instruction per week. That's about it. It's not too difficult to walk away from that if you wish.

Mormonism wants you for three hours every week. The church wants additional hours for your calling, more meetings, and to clean the chapel. They want FHE, family prayer, and scripture study. They want your high-school aged teenagers for an hour every school day. If you are a young man, they want two years of your *life*. All of this serves to deeply indoctrinate you and to program your mind.

Board member "The 1st Free at Last" periodically posts excellent information about how Mormonism programs the mind. You can search for FaL's posts on this board or visit the website:

http://members.shaw.ca/blair_watson/

I agree with CandianFriend that rational thought and emotional thought aren't always on the same timeline.

I didn't have any problem leaving mormonism. It was obviously wrong and I left. What really surprised me was the huge hole it left in my life. I was so used to the mormon church taking up all my time, telling me what my beliefs and opinions should be, always coming up with new things to feel guilty about. It really threw me how empty I felt after leaving.

I don't know if this is what you're going through since you've been inactive so long. But you might want to look into finding things to take the place of mormonism. Read up on alternative philosophies, try a new hobby, etc.

mrmines - you have been told all your life that your entire life centers around TSCC. Giving up in some ways is like giving up your life. But, you are not actually going to die. You should go regularly to some place where there are other people your age (not Mos). Take a class or go to another church or sign up for art/swim/dance/literature/? lessons in a group or something. Once you get around people your age who are not Mos you will see that you still have a life (AND A GOOD ONE) without TSCC! When you meet someone new (friend or lover) you don't need to tell them every detail of TSCC immediately. Take your time and enjoy your new life. GOOD LUCK! I know you can do it. Send that letter in and start tomorrow.

You are in a transitional period. Confusion is part of it as you question your old ways of thinking and experiencing and haven't settled into new ways. Something that helped me was to pay close attention to what I actually thought, felt, and wanted to do and then to acknowledge them as real.

It's not easy because, in my experience, part of being a Mormon is overriding our own thoughts, feelings, and actions in favor of what the Church tells us we *should* think, feel, and do. It took me a while to separate what really belonged to me and what didn't and then some time to really accept my thoughts, feelings, and actions as my own. I experienced a lot of confusion in the meantime.

If I may make a suggestion, journaling just a few minutes a day about what feels right and real to you can help you identify what you are really about. Then, as you are ready, gradually change your actions to what you really think and feel. As your thoughts and feelings become clearer and your actions reflect them more and more accurately, the confusion will stop and you will feel clearer and happier.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2012 02:30AM by robertb.

Keep having your brain remind your inner authentic being that the church isn't true or helpful. Hopefully, in time you'll feel everything settle comfortably into place.

When we're under cult mind control, we usually don't realize it. It can be hard to shake deeply held ideas which required years to grow in you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2012 07:40AM by Cheryl.