My husband's previous wife is a fanatical TBM who also is violent and has a serious personality disorder. They were married for only 3 months before she left after physically abusing him. She was pregnant too and they had a son (after they divorced). Fast forward a few yrs later, after MANY battles on visitation, her blocking them, him taking her to court to enforce it, the child is now 5. She lost custody in late 2010 to us when she made allegations that my husband, our son and I had sexually abused the child everytime he visited us. All allegations were unfounded and we were investigated by 5 different law enforcement agencies. She made all the allegations up to try to keep him from visiting us. During the investigations, the boy was examined many times (more than 15 times) by LE and medical personnel - each and every one of them said the boy wasn't abused. Prior to the final custody trial, we all went thru a custody evaluation (to the tune of over $40k, $11k of which was paid for by her Ward) where it was found thru psychological tests that she suffers from paranoia, has a personality disorder so bad that she'll affect the son should she raise him and the evaluator said she should NOT raise him, that my husband, the boy's father, should. The child also had his own court appointed lawyer who also said the boy should be raised by the father and specifically NOT the mother. Two other court appointed experts said the same thing. During the trial, she lied on the stand many times and was called on those lies. Her answer? "I don't remember saying what you said I lied about." Many other things have happened over the years that shows she will not facilitate a good relationship between the boy and his father - this is one of the factors that the UT courts look at for deciding custody. So, after a few days in court, hearing her lies, seeing how blatantly evident it is that she is not the right parent to raise the child, the Judge decides that it's in the best interest of the child to go back to the mom. Oh, did I mention that while on the stand, the mom said, no less than 5 times that she was a faithful member of the LDS Church?? The only non LDS in that courtroom were my husband, me and the custody evaluator. It just makes us sick that with all the evidence and the recommendations of the 4 experts, that the judge can just arbitrarily say that they are all wrong and the mom is the best person to raise the child. Even our appeals lawyers say that it was mormon bias and they are all LDS too. Just venting - thanks for listening. (I'm a never-mo. Found this website so I could figure out how to un-indoctrinate the boy from the Cult and their brainwashing).

Oh, god, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine. This is so sad.

Time to call City Weekly

I would go to the media with this one. I'm so sorry what your having to deal with.

My husband and I had a similar situation, but no church involved. It's not right what happened to you.

I agree, alert the media. The judge who did this needs to have some bad press, what an awful irrational decision to make.

From the behavior you are naming it sounds like she has NPD (possibly ASPD?). These disorders are not treatable. Make sure you express that to the media so they know how devastating the diagnosis is in terms of prognosis. Most people do not know much about personality disorders and figure they are like other mental illnesses (I even had one person argue that antisocial personality disordered people needed disability rights advocates on a messageboard before).

Keep fighting to keep your husband's time with his child intact, and watch the boy carefully for signs of physical abuse. I would also tell your husband to keep in close contact with the boy's teacher. Your husband has a right to contact the teacher and to see all of his son's school records. If he gives the teacher a heads-up, she will be on the lookout for signs of abuse as well.

If your husband lives or works close to the school, he might be able to drop by to see his son during the school day. It is not unusual for parents to eat lunch with their child, or to drop by the classroom to observe instruction (depending on the teacher.)

I'm sorry for what you've gone through. My husband had a similar experience with his ex wife, only they never went to court because neither of them could afford it and they lived very far apart from each other (my husband is in the military). I admire you and your husband for fighting for that child. It certainly does sound like the ex has a personality disorder.

Shrink4men.com is a very good Web site for non-abusive men and their loved ones who are dealing with abusive, personality disordered women. I recommend checking it out, if only so you can see you're not alone.

Thank you so much for the Shrink4men website.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Tara is truly like a lifesaving beacon for guys involved with crazy women.

Can you appeal? I would appeal. Hell, if I were you and could raise the money, I would try to appeal all the way to federal, where no one would care about the church, if that were possible.

Yes, we are definitely appealing this whole mess, unfortunately it'll only go to the State courts. Thanks also for the website Shrink4men. There are quite a few websites out there for father's rights in these sort of cases. My husband too is military and we don't even live in UT (southern AZ actually). Doing a once a month visit to see him is very costly, especially if all 3 of us want to go visit - but, we do it coz it's important to keep that relationship going. The 15 months he spent with us were wonderful. The mom could have visited him here each month but she only did so once during the whole time he was with us. She did see him over the course of the 15 months but only if we went up there for something for the court. What a crock the whole "trial" was.

The Arizona Appeals court is not Mormon dominated. You have an excellent chance of getting a fair review of your case. Btw, was this in the Gila Valley area?

Everything is being done in UT as that's where the divorce decree was done with the custody initially. She lives in UT.

I'm glad you're appealing. It sounds like the judge's decision was very much against the weight of the evidence.

Just going off of what the OP said, my guess is Borderline Personality disorder...or perhaps Histrionic.

Borderline is my guess...

Anyway, I agree with the advice to contact the press.

I would talk to a lawyer about taking her to court for making unsubstantiated claims of abuse. Besides fucking her kid up by making him go through the often humiliating process of being evaluated for sexual abuse, she wasted The time of CPS. They have enough to do without messing around with piddledick claims from a head case mother.

Also, I would contact the media.