Recently, a friend's ward choir was practicing a hymn for an upcoming sacrament meeting. It was a hymn most of you probably know, one that my friend loved and was really looking forward to singing.

The choir director wanted the choir to sing the hymn two or three octaves, if that's the term, higher than normal.

At any rate, most of the choir members didn't have the vocal range to reach the higher notes. It was obvious to the choir members this rendition of the hymn sounded awful. A couple members politely mentioned this to the choir director who ignored their observations.

Finally, a sweet, always quiet elderly man politely asked the choir director if she would consider that they sing the hymn in a range the choir members were more capable of handling.

The choir director, with an attitude of "How dare you question me," said, "No, I've prayed about it and was told this is the way we're supposed to sing the hymn." This had the desired effect of ending the discussion.

Naturally, the next week when they sang the song it sounded, as the choir suspected, awful.

When I lived in the midwest we would often have visitors from slc.

One of them was what I refer to as a music nazi.
She got up and took over leading the congregation in a song. When we were done she was laughing. She said, just as I suspected nobody in this ward knows how to sing. I'm going to show you how its done! You could have heard a pin drop.

She had everyone stand up while she belted out a hymn that was supposed to be sang with reverence. She was swaying back and forth and acting like she was in a southern baptist choir. It was hilarious. You could hear the teen agers laughing.

Then she told us that she wanted everyone to sing it exactly like she had. Everyone quietly sang the first verse and sat down. She sat back down looking mad as a wet hen. That was the end of showing that ward how its done.

Two or three octaves? I would imagine it would sound really horrible, since most people don't have nearly that much vocal range. Maybe you're thinking of musical notes? The choir director wanted the choir to sing a couple of steps higher than usual, which to me, sounds more realistic.

I can just see how this situation developed, though... I don't like to sing in choirs much anymore, because it seems like there always is a music nazi type. And when it's the director, that's when things can really get annoying.

Probably up a couple of keys
Instead of C-major up to E-major.
Nobody has a three octave range, except someone like the world famous coloratura soprano Yma Sumac.

Actually, there are plenty of singers who have a three octave range. But they tend to be trained singers, not necessarily people in a church choir.

Several singers have a three octave range. Some have more higher than that.

Freddy Mercury had a four octave range. So did Julie Andrews before her surgery. Not sure if he still has it, but David Lee Roth had a four octave range as well.

Sumac has four, FYI.

And then there's Mariah Carey who sings five octaves (even if I don't care for her, personally).

I was forced to join the choir at our stake in Moscow and the choir director was a massive biotch...she was crazy. She literally scared me. She insulted us a lot haha. Fortunately, the piano lady always brought us cookies:)

Moscow, Russia or Moscow, Idaho? ;-)

Funny you should mention that. I grew up Presbyterian and my dad sang in the choir and my mom was the church organist. When I was in my early 20s, the church I grew up in needed a new choir director. They ended up hiring a Russian immigrant. She was Jewish, which didn't sit well with some people in the congregation. However, she had doctoral degrees in voice and piano from a Russian university and taught voice for a living. My parents were all excited because she was so well qualified...

Little did they know that the church members who were against hiring the Russian immigrant had a good point. She wasn't that familiar with Christian music and was very demanding on the church choir members. My mom ended up quitting her job because the woman was so much of a perfectionist who wouldn't discuss musical selections with her. My dad, who was always a very devoted choir member and used to sing a lot of solos, also quit for awhile because the lady insulted him and told him that he didn't have a soloist's voice. She actually lasted in the choir director's job for a surprisingly long time before she was ousted.

At the time all this was going on, I was living in the former Soviet Republic of Armenia and engaging in some musical pursuits of my own. I got a good taste of how blunt people from that part of the world can be, especially when it comes to performing music!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/19/2012 02:37PM by knotheadusc.

Aj
Music nazi. The church is full of them.

My daughter (who hates to sing) went through the same thing you did. She went and hid in the bathroom. She had an amazing YW leader than ran in and hid with her! They hid in the stall and ate M&M's until the music practice was over.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/19/2012 02:37PM by Mia.

I used to hide in the bathroom to avoid going to Sunday school when I was in the 4th grade. I hated the teacher because he gave me the willies. For over a month, I'd hide in the ladies room so I wouldn't have to sit through his class. One day, my dad and I ran into the teacher at the grocery store. He asked where I'd been. Needless to say, when we got home, I got the spanking of my life.

Just Once Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> The choir director, with an attitude of "How dare
> you question me," said, "No, I've prayed about it
> and was told this is the way we're supposed to
> sing the hymn." This had the desired effect of
> ending the discussion.

Yep, in this Church even a lowly, non-priesthood-holding choir director is entitled to revelation from God on such matters as what key the hymn should be sung in.

So why the HELL didn't the Stake presidency and High Council and all those righteous, Mormon priesthood-holding men from southern Utah get revelation from God and refrain from massacring 120 men, women and children at Mountain Meadows?

Q: Why don't Unitarian congregations have good choirs?

A: They are always reading ahead to see if they agree with the next verse.

The very beginning of my involvement with the church i had one of the EQ dudes chastise me for singing "too lusty" during sacrament hymns. He said that it "just didn't sound right" for a woman to not be singing in sweet, high pitch.

I do have a lower voice than most women. But I had many years of vocal training from all the musical theater I did in high school and college. I knew I was good, but took great pains not to showboat in church because it felt rude. The fact that he even was listening to me that intently when i was working so hard to be off the radar really creeped me out.

Anyway, I said nothing at the time. I wish I had told him to go fuck a goat.

Women are not as good as men at conducting male voices.
I've visited almost every church there is, and never saw a woman leading adult male voices until Tscc.
Children's choirs, youth choirs, women's choirs, sure.
But you need to sing bass or at least baritone to know how they're supposed to sound.

In one ward I attended I was heavily involved with the choir--it was the only honest way to be involved in church--and the choir director was a woman. I assisted her and we wrote our own arrangements of otherwise boring music. The pianist was also very knowledgeable about practice, theory, and performance. The three of us did what must surely have been a good enough job getting our choir to its potential.

But then a new guy moved into the ward, he was late middle age, uneducated in music (or anything else in the world), didn't have a calling in our ward, but was a priesthood holder. The minute he joined the choir he took over. None of us could ever understand why the bishopric venerated the guy. . . He could carry a tune but was far from a star or a decent soloist.

But after that he was treated as the foremost authority by the bishopric and got to have final say on how every song should be performed. As in, if he said a line should be forte, it was sung forte. End of discussion.

Penis's know everything!

On the other end of the tale.....The bishop once insisted I be chorister. This is funny! I don't read music, can barely carry a tune, know NOTHING about music. He thought that because I was a woman I knew how to lead music. When I told him NO, he told me I needed to learn how. What better way than to get up there and make a fool out of myself? I told him I would paint a portrait, put together flowers for a wedding, cater a party for 100 people, But I was not going to lead music. That whole scene was dumb.

I was the choir director in my ward for a few months. I am a male, just for reference. :-)

I was put at the end of November and told to get an xmas program going. From the beginning I was opposed, quietly and without my knowledge, by the music nazis. I cracked jokes sometimes. I picked the "wrong" music. I didn't end the program with the "beautiful" song that they sang every year. Yada yada yada.

Eventually, I switched positions with the sacrament chorister (a music nazi-ish person) who had apparently stumped for my removal. I enjoyed being sacrament chorister, actually, and it did help me out of the church. I'd look over the congregation and see that most of the people were bored and some looked miserable. If church was really a good thing, most of them would be some approximation of happy. But when they didn't need to show the world how happy they were, they weren't. That (among other things) gave me the kick in the pants I needed to start leaving.

You are absolutely right about the countenances of the people reflecting the real state of their spirits. Oddly, I never noticed that until I found this board (and I fell away from the church about seven years ago but only came here a few months ago) and read comments about people bearing their testimonies about how happy they are. . . while crying and frowning and talking overmuch about enduring to the end.

Outside of the church, the phrase "enduring to the end" does not apply to my life in the least.

Hey. I guess it really is a death cult.