I am a recent convert to the LDS church and I am in a situation, I don't know what to say or do anymore. I believe that I have fallen in love with a missionary but I can't tell him how I feel for the reason of there being so many rules. What do I do? I don't know if he even feels the same way about me because of the same reasons. I can tell you the whole story but I need help on figuring out what to do in this case. Please. Thank you.

Another victim of "flirt and convert"?

No it isn't haha not at all, it was "love at first sight"

If it were me, I'd stay as far away from a missionary as possible. A mission really screws up your emotions and your sense of self, and there is a tremendous amount of pressure, which can cause a lot of confusion for a 19 year old kid. It's a terrible time to be getting into a relationship. And if you did by chance happen to form a relationship, either his companion would rat him out, or he would start feeling guilty and confess to the mission president.

If you like this guy, be friendly, write letters, send care packages. But my guess is that if you start a relationship now, especially a physical one, you're going to be badly hurt.

There has been no physical contact. nothing more than a handshake.

Step 1: Get out of the Mormon Church

Step 2: Live happily ever after.

Do what wine country girl suggests! It is the only way to fix your situation.

I like what wine country girl has to say!

I totally agree with wine country girl speaking as a former missionary who had tons of chics converting to know me.

Get the hell out of the mormon church there are tons of fish in the sea. Your life has only begun and you will find so many guys in the future.

Missionaries are just slaves to the mindless B.S. fed by the church and enforced by family pressure. The guy is not in his right mind because he is full of the hoop-la of being a good follower of christ.

Bottomline, you will just fight with the guy like I did with my wife for years over the church standards. It fucked my marraige up. Beyond that, it made me into a jackass. But hey, I am out of it now and fixing my life.

Thank you monson and your 12 goons!!!

lmaol I really love your last line....you might not get my question but what if this missionary is my true love? Put yourself in my position, I think I love this missionary. So much that if something were to happen to him I would die!

How can I live happily ever after with out the guy of my dreams?

ajhart needs to weigh in on this thread.

run run away...FAR, far away as fast as you can and don't look back. I promise you won't regret it!

If you're on this site you can be sure that we tell you to dump mormonism and if you really feel for this missionary, you will want to plant the seed that will make him dump it as well.
And, while we don't want to pry, a little more information will help to illustrate if you're a "hormonal conversion" or genuinely believe that Joseph Smith and all that razz-ma-tazz is for real, and we can help you navigate.


(You may also learn what "Chicken'n'Backpacks" means...)

you know what I like your feed back on this. I feel comfortable with the church in a way but then in others I don't...I got baptized by the guy I like, well I asked for him to baptize me. Whenhe baptized me, I felt safe with in his arms when he took me out of the water. I joined the church because I like the church, it is a place where I feel some peace because at home I don't feel peace at all. I have left so many bad things because of the church. I am staying in the church no matter how many times I get told to leave the church.
Thanks for your feed back, please dont take what I am saying in a wrong way. I hope you can understand and try to help me understand my situation.

Whatever you do DON'T tell him or anyone else (other than this board or nomo's).

I had a single VT companion who had the same thing happen to her. She was GORGEOUS and there was a definate connection between her and one of the ward missionaries at the time (this was years ago). I was not privy to the details, but he gave her a heart locket and the next thing you know he is being transferred OUT and FAR AWAY. His infatuation/"love" for my VT companion lasted long enough for him to be humiliated for getting transferred. Once he got home, he turned around and married a girl he had promised to wed before he left on his mission.

It will, unfortunately, only end in heartbreak. Think of it this way...he's 19 years old. Depending on how long he's been on his mission, he still has another four years of college after he gets back from his mission. He's probably still controlled by mommy and daddy's purse strings. He more than likely doesn't have a job waiting for him when he gets off his mission. After his mission, it will probably take him several more years to figure out what he really wants to do with his life. Do you really want to fall for someone that can't support or think for himself right now?

And, not to be harsh, but if you are a new convert, the LDS church doesn't even condone you getting married until after your first year in the church because they want you to go straight to the temple and have LOTS of babies.

If I were you, I would count your blessings that you have the courage to ask this board what to do. Take the next step and step back and read up on the history of the church (History of the Church, Journal of Discourses, Doctrine and Covenants, etc. Go to www.utlm.org and read up on the TRUE and documented history of the church). Start asking questions. LOTS of questions. And, what kind of church (except the Catholics and monks) condones not allowing single missionaries to have feelings for another single member of their church???

It took me 42 YEARS to figure out this church is a CULT. Do you really want to immerse yourself in a relationship with another Mormon (a missionary at that!) when you are so new to this cult?

I wish you the best of luck and hope that you will be able to look back one day and say to yourself about this whole situation, "What was I thinking?!"

Thank you! I just hope everything goes according to plan. I really feel that I care for this missionary alot he has been on his mission for over a year, with still about a year left to go. I am willing to wait as long as I have to just to know if there is a chance. I am 20 years old and he will be turning 22 I think? this may. I have prayed, prayed, and prayed that if he is the one it will be, but if it isn't then I'll just try not to show how sad I will be in front of anyone. I have cried my heart out for nights trying to figure it out. If it weren't because of all the rules that exist I believe that we would be together and happy by now. There is still hope with in my heart that maybe we might even get married one day. This stud is everything I could every dream of.

You sound like a high school girl.

If you are really 20, then let me ask you this, why are you thinking like a high school girl?

Love does not conquer everything, it just helps glue together what's already there when times get tough. What's already there is the FRIENDSHIP, the shared interests, the "I get him, he gets me."

The reason I suggest you are reacting like someone much younger is because this missionary has only spent discussion time with you. You've never really hung out, kissed, met each others friends, gone camping, taken a road trip or done any of the other things that would lead you to believe realistically that this guy gets you.

I'm guessing that you don't feel safe because you are living at home in a dysfunctional family. Perhaps you see MOrmonism and the missionary as a way to acquire a disciplined structure, a way to make sure people treat you nicely.

You will be disappointed. The "love" this congregation and the missionary shows you is phony love. They don't know you but they need you -- they need to grow their numbers. None of them would give you the time of day if you said you no longer believed.

You can ignore all the advice on this thread. I sure did when I was your age. I ended up with four children at 23 years of age and I had to live with the consequences of my mistake I made at your age FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. One of my children is 44 years old--he is mentally ill and I am still taking care of him. I had him out of wedlock and decided to keep him.

My point is that you need to make GOOD decisions now because continuing to do what feels good (stud? really?) without thought of future consequences will fill your life with regret.

One chance to choose-- a good life for yourself or a life of intellectual and financial poverty pumping out one kid after another while your missionary spends practically all his free time serving the church.

Sounds hot, doesn't it?

Anagrammy

He most likely showed interest in you to convert you...or his friend did. Why are you here. Shouldn't you be at the Mormon site?

haha well I am on this site because I think I might find the solution to my problem here. The elder didn't flirt with me or say anything to me to get me to convert. I just believe that cupid struck the arrow in to me and I fell in love.

You asked for advice so here you go:

You are going down the wrong road. Do you really know what's ahead of you? Most converts have no idea. You have the opportunity to get out now and you should. Find out what the cojcolds is really about (not what they've told you). Forget about the missionary and move on with your life. You need to do some serious soul-searching at this point in your life. Why did you convert in the first place? Have you honestly asked yourself that? Do you really think there's any truth to the golden plates, the resurrected being Moroni, or that Joseph Smith was a prophet? Choose reality. You will have a much better life in the real world rather than in the delusional world of Mormon bondage.

I don't know if joseph smith is really a prophet I just know that going in to that church has given me hope, hope which I didn't have. It have brought some peace in to my life. I started getting lessons from the elder and his companion of course because I was interested in seeing him again. I know the difference in between the faith I have in jesus christ and the way I feel towards this missionary. I don't know what is ahead of me because I unfortunatley don't have the power to see ahead in the future but I can picture us having beautiful kids & married.

I hope you listen to Runtu and baabaablacksheep. I'll give the missionary the benefit of a doubt (after all, at 19 boys are a lot more hormones than they are rational/clear-eyed, no matter their appearance) that he tried to charm you just for conversion's sake. He probably was sincere... but Mormon missionaries are not on their right mind while they're serving their mission! Really, they aren't! Try living in their tightly controlled situation for 18-24 months and you'd probably not be in your right mind either. :oP

Whether they are aware of the psychological effects they are having on their investigators or not, missionaries aren't at liberty to admit to or to act like being in love with you. Chances are good some missionaries develop this mad love for just about every investigator they work on... then they're transferred out to another area after a few weeks or a few months, to work on (and develop more mad love for) other potential converts. They had signed away their lives for the duration of their mission, and the odds aren't on your side trumping their church/mission rules on their priority list.

So don't invest too much into this 'relationship'. If it is love, it can surely wait until his mission is over. If you really care, you can probably try staying in touch by sending him dear elders or letters (to the mission office's address). But don't expect anything back... Even if they want to, the missionaries can only receive and write/send letters on their 1 PDay a week, and they don't usually have enough time to write to non-family... so it'll likely be a one-way correspondence, much like sending mail into a black hole. But if the dude really has feelings back for you he might pick things up after his mission is over.

I don't know if you'd really want to wait. Like what others say (on other treads if not on this), this is a really messed up religion and you can't really expect normal behaviors from Mormons... they have their own different 'normal'.

Luck!

Thank you! I totally understand what you mean, I am willing to wait for this guy. I guess I kinda need a bit of an emotional help haha to be able to stand this whole time. To have the patience to wait for him I met him like last year about a year ago.

I converted to the church as a teenager and fell in love with the missionary who baptized me. He lead me to believe that he felt the same way. When he got home from his mission, he married a gal he served with. Your heart will more than likely be broken, and you will undoubtedly learn a lot from it. No one can tell you what to do. You're young and in love, so why not go ahead and tell him? Tell everyone at church, too, who cares? They've all seen it a dozen times. Give them a little something to talk about. Then get the hell out. Seriously, if you converted because of this guy, it won't last. And if you converted recently, and you're on this board, it WON'T LAST. One more thing, that stupid missionary came back to visit our area after he was married with 2 kids and told me with tears in his eyes that he wished it had been me, that he thought of me as he lay in bed with his wife, blah blah blah. He wanted to have sex with me, and at 19, unmarried, totally inactive, I had more scruples in my pinky than he did in his entire body. We live and learn, Kiddo. I AM SO FREAKIN' HAPPY I DID NOT END UP WITH THAT A-HOLE! Good luck.

Hey koolgirl,

when your in the church your taught that its your responsibility to convert the rest of the world. Theres a lot of pressure on you to befriend people in order to bring them into the fold. You are extra nice to people that you normally wouldn't pay attention to when you think there is a chance they are joining. Later once they are members, you don't feel the need to try so hard anymore, and probably lose most interest in them. As a missionary, it is your main/only responsibility to convert people. The pressure on them to bring people into the fold is all they know. Although they are not suppose to flirt to get people to join, their interest in you may come off as romantic. This can give one false hopes. True friendships can be formed, but its likely you won't see him again after his mission is over.

If that is not the case and the missionary really does have feelings for you, he isn't suppose to act on those until he is done with his mission. People in the church will hassel him even after his mission if they find out he has gone back for some girl he met while out there. They will question his morality and make him feel guilty.

My brother is on a mission now, and he told me he just converted girl and that she hugged him after the baptism. He told me that it made him worried and uncomfortable because he thought that she was cute, and his mission president was there watching. He said she was attractive to him and that made it worse. He is trying to avoid doing anything against the rules and not get into trouble.

Its not something that they can act on now. I wouldn't suggest trying to go for him if you intend on staying in the church. If you really do believe all the stuff they have told you, then do more research. Read about what early church leaders like Brigham Young really taught. Read about what happened back then. Think about the rules that the church holds and the doctrines. If you still beleive in the credibility of the LDS church after all that, then do what ever makes you happy. If you find that you have unanswered questions, or things don't make sense to you, then speak out. And If you still have interest in a guy that can believe all those things, then try to talk some sense into him. Hes just a kid, and hes duped.

hey nathalie,

You know whats funny, I got my way and got him to baptize me. I was scared for the first time in my life and when he took me out of the water I hugged him, I felt so safe with in his arms. I know that there might be a slight chance for us to be together. I'm sorry that yours didn't work out, I sincerely hope that you come across your true love. I feel that I may have found mines, something tells me that he might be the one. I am the only person he has baptized. He is now his own leader from what I know. He hasn't showed me any sort of affection. I can see right through his eyes and when I see into a persons eyes I can see into that persons real feelings. Or so I think that I do. I feel trapped in a way because I can't tell him how I feel and he can't tell me if yes or no....besides that well I believe in god, in jesus christ, and thats the other reason as to why I am in this church. Not just because of him, but for my self. Thanks to me meeting him that day I am in the church and I have gotten so much. I have gotten things that I didn't have anymore. Like faith, hope, and peace.

I don't know why an apparent true-believing convert would come to an ex-Mormon site for advice. But if you are legit, there are a great many things about Mormonism that you should know which basically proves it isn't true such as how the Book of Abraham has been translated by Egyptologists and shown that Joseph completely made up his scripture.

Suggest you start reading www.MormonThink.com

Students fall in love with teachers, patients fall in love with therapists, violinist falls in love with conductor, parishioner falls in love with priests, convert falls in love with missionary. There's a reason there are rules about these things,because relationships based on a mentor create an imbalance in power emotionally where the person being groomed by the elder/more powerful one is particularly vulnerable to any suggestion of an intimate connection. You will be hurt.

Your feelings are normal. It's the nature of having a mentor relationship. But you will be hurt because the need and emotional intensity is almost always one-sided. He cannot need you in the same way you need him. He has many similar mentor/ministerial relationships with all the people he teaches. It means far less to him than it does to you.

Find love among equals.

Excellent advice. Very well said

Hey Koolgirl :) I was you around this time last year. This insanely gorgeous missionary baptized me and I was pretty much smitten. He was good looking, sweet, very intelligent- and he made me feel really good. He told me everything I wanted to hear. I honestly thought we would end up getting married...it was the closest I've ever been to being in love. I'm sure your feelings are very real, as were mine...but there are a lot of factors you may not be considering. As others have stated, he's in an extremely different state of mind than you right now...essentially off limits. Even though I pretty much loved my missionary the day I met him, I always kept our relationship extremely appropriate and in line with all of the mission guidelines...it wouldn't be fair or very smart to pursue him while he's on his mission because you could both end up getting very hurt. After my mish got home, we kept in touch but I decided not to tell him how I felt. I realized that he was probably saying all those nice things and being so sweet because that was his job! Missionaries are told to convert people, and keep the testimonies of those who have converted strong. I don't want to generalize and say that's what your guy is doing but know that being charming is his job. Guys like him want to marry a role- they want that ideal Molly Mormon who will get married in the temple and have kids and this perfect eternal life. You need to find someone who will love you so much for the person that you are...after leaving the church, my missionary is still supportive of me and we remain friends but I know that he would never consider me as a potential romantic interest because I don't fit that role anymore...that was kind of the lightbulb moment for me- I wanted to be loved for me, not my involvement in the church! I know he probably projects this image of perfection...but if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. It doesn't seem like you have much doubt in the church itself (and to that I say read as many of the posts on this board as you can) and then you will quickly see how many relationships have been torn apart because of the church. I would be miserable if I ended up with my missionary...it would be so superficial...I wish I would have given the idea up a long time ago because I experienced a lot of pain and tears thinking about him...its not worth it. Trust me. Missionaries have gone a long time without being able to have normal social interaction with girls...so when they get a cute convert to talk with, I'm sure they pay extra attention. But you also have no idea what his situation is back home...he may even have a girl waiting for him. One of the hardest things about keeping in touch with my missionary after his mission was seeing all the girls who threw themselves at him after...gorgeous, tbm girls who were born and raised in the church who had bishop dads- impossible to compete with. That part will drive you crazy. Because if he's as amazing as you say, don't you think there's girls already waiting for him to come home? Trust me, missionaries are a bad idea! I know none of this is what you want to hear but I don't want you to make the same mistake I did because it sucks! There's always the exception to the rule but if I was you I would run...from the church and this guy. Out of sight, out of mind. Remember that. And remember that there is some guy out there who will love you for you and not the role you will play in his perfect eternal life. I don't even know if any of this will make sense because I'm on my phone but please save yourself the heartache. I might add on to this later because my thoughts are so scattered but just know that I've been where you are and I wish I would have handled things a lot differently.