So angry at my TBM mother right now! I have been out for years (since college) and have been so much happier without TSCC. I have been lurking here for a while, posted once but can't remember the screen name I used. My part member family is very liberal and seemed to be fine with my wanting nothing to do with church (after my mom initially freaked out).

Anyway, I am happily married to a nevermo and had our first baby 2 weeks ago. I have had zero contact with anyone from church for years (besides family friends at occasional social events, where no one has ever bothered me about anything, maybe because my life is going great, and i look so much happier without it don't know what to say!). My mom was here visiting for the baby being born, and went to church while we were still in the hospital. I thought since it was Easter she would go with my TBM sister who lives across town, but apparently she went to the ward nearby. Didn't think I would have to tell her to not give my info out, but apparently I was wrong! Just got a call from the RS president telling me my mom gave them my info, and that she wanted to come visit!! Seriously! I have never met this woman and I have an infant! Why would I want a stranger here! I told her I wasn't mormon (because I could care less that they think that an 8 yr old can make a life binding decision, and I remember I freaked the bishop out in my interview at 8 when I told him the reason I wanted to get baptized was because that is what everyone else does though didn't say that). She then asked me if I wanted visiting teachers, she kept mentioning that if I changed my mind I would always be welcome, etc. Basically not taking no or my annoyance at being bothered by a total stranger.

So angry that my mom can't respect that I have absolutely no interest in religion, especially hers which caused me a lot of mental torment until I realized that god wouldn't want me to be that unhappy and wouldn't punish me for not torturing myself at church every week. Prop 8 came later and cemented my decision that no true church would discriminate like that. Found this site recently by a happy accident and found out about all the other problems! I will probably have to resign now, only reason I haven't is because I felt no need to spend any more effort on TSCC ever again!

Thanks for letting me vent everyone, hopefully they will leave me alone since I told her no contact please! (but not holding my breath that they will stick to that)

across the country, so I feel your pain. Have you formally requested name removal? It's the only way I could keep the local ward away.

Hey, at least she hasn't gotten the baby baptized.
Yet :/

I don't blame you for being pissed. Sometimes parents need to be shown boundaries, just like people from the Morg do.

It doesn't in every case, but it does in many.

Sorry your MOM still doesn't respect your choice.She probably told them how you must be visited, etc. so that baby can be blessed. It is amazing how they intrude in your life. If they continue annoying you, I think resignation is the only option.

Oh, man. Now they know there's a potential new Mormon baby, so they'll probably keep bothering you. Great. Thanks, Mom. Yeah, I'd be mad too.

Your Mom is probably feeling the responsibility to make sure that baby gets some Mormon exposure. Make sure she doesn't try to have the baby blessed behind your back. I've seriously heard of that happening.

Yeah they always try to catch you at vulnerable times. When a baby is born they know you'll be thinking about how to raise it with values and morals and of course they think TSCC is the answer. Heck, I remember thinking that too, even after I figured out that the church was a scam. It took a lot of time to see how harmful the church is to kids.

My parents came to visit 'us' at our new home in our new city a few months after we moved here. We had made a family decision NOT to go to church until we were settled because the ward seemed very needy when we visited "when are you moving in??" I also got 'gifted' with a serious case of contamination OCD after my baby's birth, so i needed extra contaminations (read visitors) at a minimum.

So, before visiting us, they went to church. They saw us for a couple of hours before leaving again.

A month or so later the church started showing up at our door. This later lead to me, when finding some ex-mormon info, to spend lots of time reading it, because i had to make a decision- do we become active, or get out.

Info about how the church is a fraud made me pretty angry and i wanted nothing to do with the church.

Mormon parents (maybe others, too?) just don't know when their responsibility as parents is over.

You have every right to be angry. Members of the church don't respect personal boundaries and assume they always know better than the person they are affecting. Your mother should be told that what she did was disrespectful. By the way, I don't understand why she didn't spend time at your sister's ward. I thought church was about family togetherness.

Stand your ground always and don't let the church insanity invade your happiness and enlightenment. You deserve to be happy. You don't need the guilt, frustration, lies, flip-flopping, prejudice, bigotry, and the host of other negative realities associated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Let your mother know who you really are even if you know that she won't fully accept it.

One good turn DOES deserve another. ;)

Thanks everyone for the support! I know how intrusive TBMs can be, they were horrible to my brother when he did not want to go to church in high school to the point where he had to get an MRI of his brain since he was physically manifesting stress (guess that is what happens when you are in the closet during prop 8 and have to listen to everyone saying ridiculous things to you. Luckily he is happily out now!)
I should have realized my mom would be a hypocrite since she does this frequently. She is married to a nevermo (my dad thank goodness!) and I'm pretty sure was inactive until she had kids. Therefore she thinks I'm exactly the same and of course will go back. I thought I had made it clear that I don't consider myself mormon and disagree with major points of view! Apparently not. I just thought I had until at least when we visited and she wanted to take my kids to church!
I have no intention of going back and think the church is a terrible place to raise kids, and luckily my husband agrees that there will be no church of any kind in our kids lives growing up. I'm all for a brief education of world religions and letting them decide what to do at 18!
I love the Jehovahs witness idea Rebekah! Also I realize that if they keep bothering me I'll have to resign. Hopefully they leave me alone! Thanks again for all the support! It's wonderful to know that I'm not the only one who thinks their behavior is obtrusive and ridiculous!

You can tell her you find her behavior creepy and stalking.

You do not want her or any of the Mormons calling you..
Your mother has issues and you consider her telling the church who and where you were next to identity theft.

Tell the Members you will have them talking with the local police if they call you again.... then do it!!!

Be sure to ask for the RS presidents address and personal information next time she calls.

Why? she may ask? so you can give it to the police next time she or anyone else calls from church.

tell her you have legitimate reasons for wanting nothing to do with the TSCC and you are not going to discuss them with her, but she will be explaining to the police her 'stalking" or anyone else from the ward, who contact you again regarding church!

That should get them off your back.

Just be sure to get her personal information first before you land the stalking on her!!

Good luck, you'll soon be used to new baby and your hormones will not be amplifying everything. You're doing a good job!!!

New babies can have a way of making family members become unglued when it comes to religious choices. I hope that the ward doesn't pester you, but if they do, I'd be rather blunt with them. If all else fails, resignation is always an option.

Keep in mind that this is not a case of a mother not knowing when to stop being a parent. Your relatives have been conditioned to believe that their own salvation is at risk if they do not do "everything" they can to bring you back in, failing that, they must target their own grandchildren to make sure they fulfill the concept of "we are saved after everything we can do."

Having a new baby irritates these guilty feelings, "Have I done everything? Could I do more? More? More? Other?" and they experience relief by giving your name to the local bishop, calling some missionaries, bearing their testimony, etc.

It would be a mistake to take this behavior personally. It is not about you, it's about the cult and its guilt wagon. What can you do? Assure your mother that you have given the whole subject of Mormonism much thought and do not take your decision lightly. You understand the concept of the eternal family and it has been revealed to you as a result of your diligent study that it is the bond of love that goes on, if anything does, not handshakes and passwords. Tell her you are happy she finds comfort believing that, but that you ask for her to respect your choices just like you respect her right to stay in the church.

COngratulations!

Anagrammy

I'm so sorry your mom did this to you. You have every right to be angry and to feel hurt. My dad did the same thing to me so I can relate. My church records were in a limbo for a while after I moved to a new house and my dad took it upon himself to move my records into the ward he knew I should be in. He had access to that stuff because he was the stake executive secretary. He even gave them my nevermo husband's name and told them my "familiar" name. It's a really long story so I'll stop there. I think you've done a great job handling the situation.

re: Greyforts post:


If I were U...Id find out who the Bp of the local ward is & tell him that you DON"T want your child 'blessed'.. IN WRITING!

Blessing an infant w/our parents permission....that would be a SERIOUS infraction of (my opinion) Child Abuse...

Srsly; Mormons think that ANYTHING they do in the name of/for the good of others re Mormonism is O.K.


IF someone in my fam did that... I'd get a lawyer & call the police/CPS AND get a Restraining Order, family or Not.