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Posted by: Jesus Smith ( )
Date: May 03, 2012 03:15PM

The prophets and apostles are illusionists. They pretend to magic and use slight of hand/mind for money.

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Posted by: AKA Alma ( )
Date: May 03, 2012 03:34PM

The patriarchal blessing thing always creeped me out a bit. I thought it was wierd to have some guy tell your fortune, so I never got mine... people would seem shocked that I didn't have one and when they would ask I would say "It's not a saving ordinance, so I never thought it was that important."

That seemed to surprise them even more... that it was OPTIONAL, just like a baby blessing is OPTIONAL.

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Posted by: brian ( )
Date: May 03, 2012 06:11PM

Never, ever looked at mine after getting. Spent 40 years active and never thought it as anything but a man saying a prayer.

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Posted by: JoD3:360 ( )
Date: May 03, 2012 06:18PM

Other than telling you what tribe you supposedly belong to, everything the Patriarch tells you is just reminders and counsel that you have heard all your life. It is nothing more than a job description, and anything that sounds even remotely personalized is fully dependant upon your conversation beforehand.

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Posted by: jpt ( )
Date: May 03, 2012 10:04PM

That, and the conversation he may have previously had with the bishop.

Being a patriarch wouldn't be difficult.

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Posted by: sam ( )
Date: May 03, 2012 07:30PM

It is pretty much a waste of time. The old Patriarch gets it wrong most of the time or provides meaningless information. I think the church needs to get a new crystal ball for each Stake Patriarch.

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Posted by: ambivalent exmo ( )
Date: May 05, 2012 04:44AM

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Posted by: Misfit ( )
Date: May 03, 2012 09:05PM

Is anyone scheduled for the afternoon?

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Posted by: snowball ( )
Date: May 04, 2012 11:49AM

May as well go to a storefront psychic. It will probably be cheaper than the stake patriarch and probably more interesting than most patriarchal blessings.

My parents pestered me about getting my blessing off and on as a teenager, but I didn't get it until just before my mission. I think the thought of one more interview with the bishop on top of all the others was just too much.

My blessing was pretty standard issue as I recall.

* Tribe: Ephraim (the leadership tribe) whoopee!
* Serve a mission (prophetic--I had my call in hand)
* Marry in the temple (oops hasn't happened--99.999% chance it never will)
* I would be a great leader, and great follower. (I lead the way out of the church and follow my own conscience)
* Would be a leader in the church and the community. (It was a way different church and different community than what I had in mind, but I guess he kinda got that one a bit sorta)
* Would rise on the morning of the First Resurrection. (I woke up this morning--does that count?)

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Posted by: xyz ( )
Date: May 04, 2012 11:59AM

Patrifartical Fortune ...a.k.a. Totally Bogus Divination?

I got better results having my birth chart done.

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Posted by: goatsgotohell ( )
Date: May 04, 2012 12:12PM

Well, I ate up my blessing - Come on you guys, it is like YOUR OWN PERSONAL SCRIPTURE! It assured me that everything was just going to be peachy, and even when life was not going according to the Patriarchal Blessing plan, I could cd myself into seeing some way that it all worked.

One thing I found really weird was that the Patriarch taped the blessing and said when he wrote it he would better word it to the spirit he was feeling, so the exact same words may not be used. It seemed like if the Lord was using him as mouthpiece it would be nice if he could just get the words right the first time.

Now I realize that my PB, as personal scripture is just like all the rest of LDS scripture - made up BS! I also love reading the history of the church and realizing when you wanted a blessing from the patriarch is used to cost a dollar - which seems like it would be quite a bit of money back in the pioneer day. I just googled it and got results that indicate in 1850 one dollar would be worth about 13-15 dollars today. I wonder if the patriarch gave any kick back to his scribe?

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Posted by: judyblue ( )
Date: May 04, 2012 12:25PM

I waited to get mine until college. When I finally did, the sole reason behind it was because I liked a boy and was hoping for one of those legendary PBs you hear about where they tell you your "eternal companion"'s initials.

My mom was upset when she found out I had gotten it and not invited her. That was something I never totally understood - why were PBs supposed to be some kind of family event? Was this just a Utah thing?

I always thought the idea behind it was so weird (which is why I put it off for so long). I absolutely did not want my parents or people who knew me there to hear god's personal message for me. It was like an invasion of privacy.

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: May 04, 2012 12:26PM

If he dressed like the dude in "Fantasia" would he be any more believable??

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Posted by: Misfit ( )
Date: May 04, 2012 07:45PM

If you'd like, you can have mine. Or I could make one up for you.

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Posted by: goldarn ( )
Date: May 05, 2012 05:42PM

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Posted by: Dances with Cureloms ( )
Date: May 07, 2012 09:54AM

and both times it didn't mention the tribe I was suppose to belong to.

Great nonetheless.

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Posted by: imalive ( )
Date: May 04, 2012 08:03PM

Ironically, the man who gave me my patriarchal blessing almost 20 years later married my husband and I in the temple!

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Posted by: Truthseeker ( )
Date: May 05, 2012 11:49AM

I'll dig mine out an transcribe it here tomorrow or Monday - it was full of very generic crap.

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Posted by: Lou Louis ( )
Date: May 05, 2012 04:55PM

Just another emotional tactic used to keep your emotions off balance effectively draining every common sense notion you developed before you became a member.You are in essence digging your own emotional hole voluntarily. I was told that the "The Road Map" contained some blessings that would pertain to this life while other parts,the ones that didn't would come to be in the here after dependant on your faith of course....this tactic is truly pathetic but amazingly effective when you truly don't understand all the effort employed by the LDS church to gain control of the way you think.

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