My convert exmo wife and I were discussing that there are at least two types of exmos.
1. The hook line and sinker type (like me, first alcohol to touch my lips at age 33 after denouncing my faith. ) who truly believed and tried hard to do what was right and;
2. the exmos who never really believed, ie sinned with alcohol and sex the whole time they were mormon.

I think the depth of pain and suffering in removing the hook line and sinker are greater than those who never really took the bait.

I am still a bit embarrassed by my former beliefs.

Are there other types of exmormons out there?

What kind of exmo are you?

I'm the first one

I think for me the hook line and sinker were installed at birth.

I lived it because I was indoctrinated into it. I didn't live it for the love of it, but for the fear of it. I tried to make the best of it. I studied, prayed, held a recommend, lived the life, raised my kids in it. I was 100%. I always felt like I wasn't getting the spiritual life back in return for my efforts. I often felt frustrated, and blamed myself. I would plead with God for the spiritual lifts that I needed to keep me going. He answered my prayers.

He showed me the way out. The day I realized it was all a lie was one of the most spiritual experiences I've ever had.

I've been to temples all over the country plus a few. I've been to all of the historical sites. I lived in the cradle of mormonism for 15 years (not Utah). I was there when the 1st temple was dedicated in Ohio since Kirtland. I saw Motab sing in the Kirtland temple (I expected a spiritual experience, nothing). I've spent hours and hours in the sacred grove. I was there for the Nauvoo dedication. None of it compared to what I felt at the moment I realized it was all an incredibly huge lie.

These are people that are part of TSCC, they try to believe, they want to believe, they do everything they are asked and more, they follow every rule and are often the biggest zealots. But in the end, they never really did believe, they always doubted.

No I am not one of these, but I have known enough.

Hook, line and sinker from day one and that was at the ripe old age of 18. The napkin around the naked body with the old lady touching me was a little disturbing at about 23 years old but I hung in there. I thought I just wasn't worthy enough to really grasp all that knowledge and all those sacred (not secret) things. Primary president and giving birth to 6 children in less than 8 years and I still wasn't doing enough. One baby died and another had a serious accident; of course, it must have all happened because I wasn't good enough. Finally a serious depression and everything crashed and confirmed I wasn't good enough. I left the church for a couple of years but went back again. Finally, I realized I didn't believe any of it. It took a long time but even the "hook, line and sinker" types can heal and thrive. Life is so great with 40 years with the dh and none of the children falling for the bait we did. Life is good but I still am pulling out the barbs.

Thanks to RFM I am too. I have been out about 7 years and about to turn 41. I am very happy for my kids and their potential for a mormon-free life. Although the TBM family ties are still a bit irritating.

I'm still trying to extract all that dang tackle. It's in there pretty deep, and it's hurts.

Yes, Almost There. It takes a long time to get the hooks out and I suspect many of the scars will remain. It does feel great not to be hooked and dragged along the bottom any more. Lately I've missed some of the people that I thought were real friends. There is a certain amount of grieving that goes along with each aspect of losses. The freedom is worth the pain. And, luckily the pain gets better with time.

I believed and had phases of "Peter priesthood" and "sex, drugs and rock and roll"

I believed the whole time but tried harder to be perfect some times more than others...

I'm one who was born to sort of jack-mormons, then tried to get into it but never really swallowed it. (Not brainwashed thoroughly enough as a child.) Then afterwards, I poked around into the actual history of JS and the SCC and now I totally don't believe. Trouble is at this point, I am married to a rock solid TBM.

I have never lived wild, but have a beer once in a while if I can get away with it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/04/2012 11:09PM by rationalguy.

Hook, line, and sinker... but not BIC. I wanted something to belive. I turned off my brain and went by emotions. My brain kept screaming. I told it this would be better - focus on milk, not meat. In some ways it solved some problems, in other ways it created new ones.

Like others, it hurts like hell to pull out the hook. But losing the weight of the sinker sure feels good. I learned things in the morg and I like the person I am even if I'm a bit pissed that I turned my brain off! Even more, I am angry at the church for selling a lie.

I agree - I think it hurts more to leave when you have truly invested. Kind of like when a fish swallows the hook and you are not sure it will live when you pull the hook out or cut it off because it is too deep. The people who never swallow the hook can be pissed off at the actions of others but not feel the pain of personal betrayal.

I know that there are more than 2 categories because I had the belief of category one, but the actions of category 2 at times.

Quite honestly, category 2 sounds like the Mormon excuse of "you never really believed or had a true testimony."

Horseshit to that. I believed whole heartedly but I as also strong-willed, and felt I couldn't ever measure up anyway. I gave a talk once in church that the bishop and SP asked me to write down afterward (which I got fussed at for during repeated attempts "because it wasn't the exact same") where I spoke on temptation and behaving like god is in your presence.

I drank, had sex and everything else with the belief that god was in my presence. It didn't matter at times. I openly did what I wanted to do at times, even with a full belief.

Very interesting.
Thanks for sharing.

I think there is a third category...

I believed it all, knew all the juicy bits too and tried for years to make it all make sense.

According to mormons, I broke MANY commandments and I always felt like a piece of crap for it too. I confessed mistakes to bishops and bought into all the miracle of forgiveness crap. I NEVER entered the temple unworthily by their standards. I beat myself up mentally over my mistakes and would feel terrible about myself and guilty for sinning. It was really very depressing to be so unworthy.

So, I think the categories are such...

1. Commandment obeying TBM
2. Commandment breaking and not caring mormons
3. Commandment breaking and TBM who feel worthless all the time.

I was number one, TBM, thought it could "stand the scrutiny." Unfortuntely, it took a stent a BYU, a temple marriage to a thorougly incompatable RM, three children and a lot of reading to find out that I had based my life on lies. I took my children left my husband first and then the church. Was the only way to not raise them in the same lie. I was only 24 years old.

Interestingly, the sister closest to my age was a number two. Strange how children raised in the same family can have two totally different experiences.

The fourth category would be worthy righteous members who never feel like they are good enough, no matter what they do.

I was one of those. Because I never received any spiritual acknowledgements That I was on the right path. I didn't know what else I could do. Read more? I already read more than most. I went to my meetings. I lived the mormon way as well as I could. It seemed like it was never enough.

I think the church is full of people like that. It's why nobody looks happy.

Mia Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The fourth category would be worthy righteous
> members who never feel like they are good enough,
> no matter what they do.
>
> I was one of those. Because I never received any
> spiritual acknowledgements That I was on the right
> path. I didn't know what else I could do. Read
> more? I already read more than most. I went to my
> meetings. I lived the mormon way as well as I
> could. It seemed like it was never enough.
>
> I think the church is full of people like that.
> It's why nobody looks happy.


This was me as well!!! I was always "the smart kid" in every class. I knew all the answers. I even read the BOM at 8-9. I prayed about it and didn't get the answer, so of course I blamed myself, and now I am dealing with the depression that followed. My whole family wondered why I was never successful, but now I know it was the fact that I felt not good enough because I never got the "Right Answer". I read and read and read, I prayed for hours and hours at a time! Now I realize that I did get an answer, but was too ingrained in the BS to see the true answer.

I Love the scripture in the BOM that talks about the learned man...because that is what I am. I am smart, I am wise, I know the true truth...and I hearken to the God inside now, because I actually listen to Spirit and trust my intuition rather than say "that can't be it because its not LDS." I also realize, that I am the GOD of my creation, I create what is my reality, and now I am no longer insane (using my definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results!).

I am so much happier now, and every day I get more happy knowing that I no longer have the MORG controlling me!

I think I fall in this category too. "What is wrong with me? Why doesn't God love me? I'm doing everything I can, I can do no more but the promissed blessings do not come."
I was unable to realize that there was nothing wrong with me until I could correctly realize that the problem was the Church. It wasn't that I didn't measure up. It wasn't that I was unloved. It was because the promise was a false one.

I think a category that has not been mentioned are people that have been given terrible advice, or misled by a leader in the church. This may not cause the member to leave the church right away, but it causes them to question it.


My sister for example was in an abusive marriage and left her husband. Her husband was RM tbm. She went to the bishop, and stake president, and they went together. The church stood by him, and told her to stay with him. She at first did, but the abuse did not stop so she ended up leaving the marriage. She took hell from the church for it. She did not immediately leave the church, but the seed of doubt had been planted as she now questioned the moral authority of church leaders. It took about 5 more years, but she is out now.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/05/2012 11:32AM by archaeologymatters.

I can't help but think of Susan Powell. Most likely she had a lot of pressure from church to stay with Josh. Incredibly sad ending.

My husband's TBM daughter is the hook, line and sinker type (at least we think so). Even though my hubby has been a nevermo. I told him that the day she wakes up to Mormonism and the crap that her TBM mother has put her through will be quite the shocker. My husband has not once said anything negative to her about Mormonism (other than he himself could not buy into it) and he never will. We both believe that there will someday be a day of reckoning.

I was the first type--I was a convert at the age of 17, numb with my parents' divorce and my father's death. I believed the Church, Joe Smith and the BOM with everything I had.

Yeah, it hurt to see that I'd been dupped; it hurt to realize how I'd lived my life in not quite the way I'd have wanted because of the "gospel"; and it hurt to realize I was an intelligent young woman who was blinded by what I knew to be illogical.

Never believed. Rebeled.

So I guess #2.

I just did whatever I was told. Just went along with everything until I finally developed the balls to say no at age 40.

That's me too

Yup, that's me too. Mr Cog Dis.

I was BIC and always accepted it as true; afterall, my parents, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, cousins all *knew* it was true so why not? I figured the testimonkey would come later... or maybe I always had a testimonkey and this was as good as it would get?

Then I started to rebell in my teens - I was a bit of a Jack Mormon, though kept myself just the right side of the tracks to ensure it wouldn't be too late for me. I wanted to go on a mission and "sort myself out" even though I hated the very idea of going on a mission and spending two years trying to convert people to a religion I couldn't keep myself.

The next ten years were spent living a double life - between the one that got married in the temple, and the one that hated attending church and knew he didn't have testimonkey. I couldn't hold a calling, bear my testimonkey or speak in sacrament. And yet I didn't *know* the church wasn't true yet - I still figured it probably was, even without proof, and that the problem was me.

I was nearly 30 before I figured it out, over a couple of months, last year.

Yes, I had the hook,line, and sinker implant at birth. It's funny. It didn't hurt a bit to be yanked out at 23. Quite the opposite.

BIC family. Wife and I both bought into the crap from day one. I never, lied, drank, smoked or lay under the biblical sheets pior to wife. Once we realized the LDS inc. lied to us it was bye bye.

If I have to be honest then so do they.....