Normally, I'm not one to cry in my ale over my ex or the two of my three daughters who have become active Mo again after several years of inactivity, but this weekend's been more than I can handle. I need some advice/suggestions.

It goes like this: Daughter 1 (the lone ExMo) and her hubby of almost 2 years (never-Mo), as well as Daughter 2, are visiting Ex and his faux-Mo b*tch-wife (that's what most of my kids call her-- she's not a nice person) for the occasion of Ex's MBA graduation.

D1 lives in another part of the country and chose to go to her dad's graduation instead of her sister's (Daughter 3) high school graduation next month (which makes D3 terribly sad and hurt).

Despite the ways Ex and B*itch-wife have raked D2 over the coals, she just posted on FB that she had the "best Friday ever" doing baptisms in the temple with them.

D1's marriage is in trouble; she told me last week she has no idea what a normal relationship looks like (EX and I divorced when she was 12) -- and it's hampering her own efforts at a happy marriage. Although she wanted to be a SAHM when they got married, now she wants a high-powered career (like b*tch-wife has). They are in marriage counseling.

I feel guilty about Ex and I's divorce and the fact that he's moved on with an aggressively Mormon woman who hates my kids and trash-talks me behind my back -- although they're apparently "in love" and very happy together. (They even spawned a kid in their mid-40s). They have the perfect family facade going on. (Idk if Ex still has his rampant behavioral addictions or not).

I feel jealous that D2 can share religion and happy Mormon temple experiences with him. (Her BF who will go on his mission this fall; it's likely they'll have a temple wedding when he returns. Ex and b*tch-wife will be able to participate and I won't).

That's something I'll never have with her -- by my own choice to leave the Church.

I know TSCC is all fake, and what they are doing is fake, but I'm still angry, jealous, and emotionally wrecked. Drinking, exercising, meditating, and telling myself that I'm just being petty and ridiculous does not help. Yeah, I'm trying to be happy for them and it's just not working.

Any suggestions?

I'm sorry... I'm not a mom, but I am technically a stepmother to my husband's very alienated daughters. And we've felt the same way about ex and her husband and the way they've taken over my husband's daughters and turned them into Mo zombies.

That being said, I can't imagine being a mom and having something like this happen. All I can say is you can take some pride in the fact that your kids still have a relationship with their dad. Maybe you don't like him or his current wife, but at least you were mature enough not to trash your kids' relationships with their other parent. And for that, you should certainly be commended. Clearly, you love your kids more than you hate your ex.

Give yourself a break. It's natural to feel hurt and jealous in this situation. The very fact that you recognize that you have these feelings and are attempting to deal with them rationally shows that you are a kind, thoughtful woman. It sounds like your ex got the raw end of your divorce deal.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 05/05/2012 02:21PM by knotheadusc.

Thanks, knotheadusc, that does help. :)

And, yes, I've made it a point to not trash-talk Ex to the kids, so they didn't really have any idea about their dad's behavioral addictions or psychiatric issues (the main reasons we got divorced).

Ex and I went to LDS counselors and therapists, who only ever saw his problems as a spiritual issue and kept blaming me for not being a good wife. Only after the divorce did I learn about behavioral addictions, etc.

So, yeah, it kinda sucks to see him going to the temple with D2, even as he told D3 (the other Re-Mo daughter) that he wasn't going to attend her graduation nor send her a gift.

I suppose the best I can do is make sure D3 knows she's loved, and make sure her graduation totally rocks.

Tara the Pagan Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> I suppose the best I can do is make sure D3 knows
> she's loved, and make sure her graduation totally
> rocks.

Now that sounds like a great way to take your thoughts away from the ex!

I know it sucks to watch this from afar, though. With any luck, your other daughters will eventually see their dad's issues for themselves.

Would congratulatory messages from us to your daughter (cards or somesuch) help alleviate the situation a bit?

I think she would love any kind of congratulations!

(She had to return early from a study-abroad program in Asia due to illness and completed all her credits through independent study online, so it's even more of an achievement -- one that sisters and dad aren't acknowledging).

I hope runtu is taking note for the dictionary: Re-Mo, and Faux-Mo. Classic.