Jesus fucking Christ piss shit fuck cock bitch.

I just got off the phone with my mother. And we had to fight over me taking the time off to find another job and get my head straight.

I'm a grown adult. And I worked incredibly hard to save up enough to quit and look for another job.

But that's not FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH!

What if I don't ever find another job EVER?

What about my long hair and beard????

No one will ever hire me because I look like a fucking hippy!!!!

And what will the neighbors think and the rest of the family think????

Suddenly the son that was doing so awesome and had a great job that was really hard to get is such a FUCKING FAILURE for coming back to his parents' basement for ALL OF THREE MONTHS!

And I'm an EXMO at that!!!!

How dare I????? For shame!!!!

Well, guess who just got the full brunt of my godly wrath????

That's right. My mother.

I love her to death. But if you think you've seen my fury on this board, you have no idea what I unleashed just now.

I told my mother that I loved her and she hurt my feelings, and now it was time for me to hurt hers.

And then I systematically kicked her to the floor and eviscerated her.

She was very concerned that I all this was a "surprise" and very different than what we have talked about.

And I said, "Why wouldn't it be a surprise? You and dad are very concerned about me but you can't handle my feelings. And, frankly, you aren't very supportive. Here I am telling you that I need you and support and you are concerned about MY HAIR, MY BEARD AND WHAT WILL THE REST OF THE FAMILY AND NEIGHBORS THINK???

WHY WOULD I SHARE ANYTHING WITH YOU WHEN YOU ARE ONLY CONCERNED ABOUT OUTWARD APPEARANCES?"

There was a lot more. I really took her to task. Yes, I shouldn't have answered after all that whiskey, but I did. And she shared her honest opinions and concerns and I did mine.

She was concerned if I came to visit about "comments" about their "choices."

And I said, "Mother I know you don't agree with my life choices and I don't agree with yours. But we've both been very amicable lately. And I'm taking this time regardless of your feelings and concerns. Now I can either come see you, or I don't have to. I didn't call you for a handout. I called you because I thought you'd want to be here for me as I get my life in order. But I don't have to do that with you.

In fact, I don't even have to come out to Utah at all. I can look for a job out here in California all the same. Now do you want to see me or not?"

Then she started to back down. I told her that I understood her concern about not having a job lined up as I quit. I told her that I understood full well that our family doesn't believe in that. That they would rather bottle everything up inside until they collapse at a family function and do irreparable damage to their heart.

That really cut her. But it's fucking true.

I have a stable job. but not a "good" job. It's cost me my health - and while it didn't destroy my marriage - it sure as shit contributed to the downfall.

And for what?

What do I have to show for it?

I wrote a book in spite of it.

No house. No children. No bullshit American dream.

The corporation takes and takes and takes and takes. It demands all and gives a fraction of a hundredth of a percent in return.

Goddamnit.

This is just like when I came home from my motherfucking mission.

No one gave a shit about me. They weren't worried two fucks about my actual health.

All anyone fucking cared about was getting me better to get me back out "in the mission field."

I was a disposable tool.

And when I was broken, I just needed to be fixed and get back to work. Otherwise I was fucking useless.

And now I'm society's tool. Produce or get the fuck out. If you are creative, you better be so in some douchebag money making way.

Appease the masses, or die penniless and alone. Maybe someday someone will appreciate your talent.

Until then, you better be something that someone else is willing to pay for.

Otherwise what the fuck use are you?

Your mom has a point - the other Jesus went around with a beard and look what happened to him, killed before he even turned 34...

Than live in the bullshit world the roman "civilization" left for us.

Actually, besides the crucifixions, torture, other forms of creative execution, constant military conquest, slavery, gladiator fights, loving young boys, and animal baiting (having animals fight each other) the Romans were not all that bad.

You are loved, you scaly behemouth...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/07/2012 11:10PM by SL Cabbie.

Cabbie...your vocabulary is becoming more and more unfamiliar to naive Tiptoes.

@Sweet baby Jesus Raptor...you know we have your back, whether or not it is scaly, hairy, or bearded! You string obscenities like no other and you make us giggle with joy! <3's

Alas, I think I misplaced that e-mail addy you gave me last fall; I would be happy to 'splain myself and share with you what I shared with Raptor... I trust Lord Raptor will forward you mine; I give him permission...

As for my vocabulary, well... Just for laughs here I posted that I wasn't really a cabdriver but a committee of PhD's who meet secretly at an undisclosed location at the University of Utah...

There were definitely some people who loved it, and honest, I can send an apologist running back to Happy Valley almost as fast as my friends Will Bagley, Simon Southerton, and Jesus Smith... I was one of the "Sputnik kids" growing up, and by the time I finished college (on the 12-year plan with about 30 extra undergrad hours), I had a fair amount of education in a lot of areas...

That was the result of growing up slightly "Nevermo" behind the Zion Curtain... A bit insecure because I could tell they were full of shit about evolution, and I had my suspicions about their history as well... Over-compensation, but what was I to do?

That's enough. As for my credentials here, well a certain troll targets me regularly (and honest, none of it is true; I've been vetted), and I have to think it's because I made intellectual roadkill of him more than once...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/07/2012 11:37PM by SL Cabbie.

tiptoes, according to the latest research, our magnificent Lord has feathers. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Take a look, for example, at snakes or lizards such as those in the swift family, and you'll "see the resemblance." Other lizards, such as Gila monsters, have different "beaded" structures, of course...

It was an early fascination of mine with reptiles that led me to realize the LDS Church was full of shit on the age of the Earth, etc. In general terms, their world wide presence is also strong evidence for "continental drift" and the original "super-continent" Pangea... And there are little things like similar vipers in desert environments, the sidewinder of the American Southwest and the "Horned Vipers" (cerastes spp.) of Africa. You can note the similarity, including their unique method of locmotion, but then the North American variety evolved its tail appendage as a defense against being stepped on by herd animals such as bison.

Not that you'll get a Creationist to agree with this one; they'll simply point to it as evidence of the Almighty's wisdom...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/08/2012 01:45AM by SL Cabbie.

Wow.

That's a lot of swearing! :)

What's good in all this is that you know what you need in your own best interests, despite anybody else's expectations.

If you can hang onto that, despite all, things should work out for you.

I like the idea of taking a leave of absence from work that you mentioned, as I'm a compromiser type, and quitting is so final, but whatever you have to do, RJ, to get to where you need to be makes a lot of sense.

I think creative sorts mostly find that society values conformists, until comedians make us laugh and artists make us feel and actors make us cry and poets make us dream.

Here's hoping Mom puts seeing you first, above all, hair 'n all. What if you showed up 100% bald all over? Would that suit better?!

Good luck to you, RJ, as you take this time to do what you need to do, no matter whose basement you end up in along the way.

But I was hoping they'd like have me for my company.

:(

I guess I'm just not worthy enough according to the free market.

But, alas, I has no room.

Still, if you want to come further north, we'll find a corner for you where you can relax with some congenial company. I just wish Spokane had a better job market to tempt you with...

I would offer to help you find a better job down here, but I can't find a good one for myself.

Raptor, I am sorry you are out of work. I can offer some advice. There is this guy, who happens to have the same name as you, who wrote a very funny book. Reading it, would cheer anyone up. Ordering it, would probably put some money into that authors well deserving pocket.

RJ - do you have a car you would be taking to Utah?

If so, why don't you consider taking some of the $ you saved up and buying a ultra lightweight trailer so you can have your independence.

The fiberglass models like T@b, Burro, Scamp, etc can be towed by a sedan, even a Toyota 6 cyl. That way you can have your nest and move from place to place as the spirit moves you.

Imagine yourself in Bryce Canyon for a few weeks, then up to Park City, and just moving on testing the feel of places. (Just occurred to me how much you would LOVE Boulder, CO)

Just tossing it out there. I am sure you are already reading the tea leaves about your telling your mother off. Sounds to me like your subby does NOT want to do that for any protracted period of time. Being a family reject while enjoying the expected rejection jobhunting provides--it's too hard on you.

If you are seriously interested, email me and I'll give you some links online and some further ideas to consider for this situation. It happens I've been doing some internet research for my daughter, who is also a veteran swearer and in between lives as well.

HUGS

Anagrammy

Raptor would fit in very well here in Boulder.

You can stay in our basement. The kids' playrooom would be really cozy for you.

I hope your mom lightens up. Jeezus!

I am sorry to hear about the fight with your mother, but in her heart I bet she is genuinely concerned about you. The economy is still not great. There are a lot of people who have been out of work for a long time. I am glad you saved up money to tide you over while you look for a new job, but by quitting your job instead of being laid off, you are not eligible for unemployment benefits if your savings runs out. Her comments about your hair and beard are meant to be loving advise about how to look professional when looking for work. I don't think she is intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. She is just drawing on the best advice she has been given.

"Against thy mother aught: leave her to heaven
And to those thorns that in her bosom lodge,
To prick and sting her."-Hamlet

Knee jerk conditioning with the hair and beard. We might as well be chainsaw murderers.

It's a shallow, salty lake they swim in...

You know that's what someone told me that same thing about quitting and unemployment, but then a different someone told me different and that the first person was discouraging me on purpose. A fitting motive for the first person, but I am fortunate enough to have not needed to test out the opinion of either of these people.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/08/2012 09:18AM by WinksWinks.

but that is the exception...you have to have a really good reason...salary was reduced...hours changed...other things...I hope ya get what ya want RJ :)

Ajhart has just given you a BIG virtual hug. Log's Wrath CD is playing in my stereo right now, I'd highly recommend giving it a listen. If the intro to Grace doesn't make you instantly forget all your worries, I don't know what will.

I hope you don't ever think of yourself as a disposable tool again...you are totally a useful tool. Like one of those laser ruler machines that helps you hang a picture perfectly straight. That sh*ts handy.

Hang in there man.

I was gonna say something, but I don't think you'd like it. Alls I can say is - GET ACCOUNTABLE!

RJ, IMHO, too many people don't understand how soul-draining a "normal" job is for creative people. And TBMs seem to be the worst at not understanding a creative mind.

I'm sorry your mother can't see & appreciate the real you, but I think here on this board you ARE understood, admired and loved (and worshipped) for the Raptorian deity you are. Dunno if that helps any. A mother's rejection often stings the worst, I think.

Please hang in there. Flex that mighty creative power within yourself, and since we quoting the bard tonight, "to thine own self be true" (Hamlet, Act I, Scene 3).

I also think Anagrammy's idea of the travel trailer might be worth looking into if you can swing and want to do it.

Anyway, that's my tuppence of support for you. Am babbling on, I realize. Am shutting up now.

I am sorry for your pain. Do you think things will be better now that a blowout has occurred?

I'll tell you what you have to show for it all- your book. You are a great writer, seriously. Send samples unsolicited to publishers or magazines you wouldn't mind writing for.


I am sorry your mom is so shallow, jeez.

I don't know how you feel because we are different people, but I do have experience with parents who don't understand creativity and want to push "the establishment" and that safe, secure, American dream bullshit. I had a similar "conversation" about employment with my dad a few years ago. He kept harassing me because I had stopped looking for a regular job and was doing freelance writing, which is not the steadiest work out there. My husband was deployed at the time and my dad felt I should be "using my time wisely" before we moved to Germany for a couple of years.

One day, he called me and started giving me a bunch of shit about not having what he considered a "real job". He said he thought I was depressed and had given up. It was a very uncomfortable conversation and it pissed me off, because I always get pissed when someone presumes to know more about what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling than I do. I finally just went off on him and told him that my employment status was none of his fucking business. I hadn't asked him for a hand out and no longer lived under his roof and my earnings were between me and my husband. He was pretty shocked, but to his credit, he backed off. Then he promptly got dementia.

I think most parents feel they have the right to offer their unsolicited opinions to their kids... and maybe they do. But part of the privilege of being an adult is being able to disagree with other adults and charting your own course. I'm a creative person myself and the thought of being in a cubicle under fluorescent lighting all day and then sitting in traffic to and from work is completely unappealing. Fortunately, I'm now in a situation where I can pretty much do what I want... at least for the time being. Personally, I think the American way of life, which centers around work and values people only for how much money they make and how much they produce, is a path to misery. Life is about much more than the almighty dollar and worrying about what other people think.

You have a real talent for writing. You're funny and likable. You have a lot going for you, but you're going through a rough time right now. Divorce is one of life's biggest stressors. I understand that your parents are worried about you (and perhaps they're concerned about how what you're going through will affect them and their reputations)... but I have a feeling you're going to be just fine. Hang in there.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 05/08/2012 09:49AM by knotheadusc.

Did you know the more drunk you are the shorter your paragraphs become?

If you come to Utah you know how to contact me.

been there, done that. I think there is more that goes into this than just appearances--but it comes across that way--being a mother! My mother had these meltdowns many times. This is just one. My brother's wife threw him out and he had nowhere to go. I won't tell you where she said he could stay in her house. I was in a horrible, horrible place in my life--and I took him in.

You are in a place in your life that you can make this type of change--so now is the best time--before you have other responsibilities, children, a mortgage, etc. You probably very much need a change in more ways than one--divorce and sounds like a crappy job situation. Do it while you can.

I would bet your mother is worried about more than just appearances. She wants to know you are okay and some people shut down when they can't help their child. She probably feels somewhat helpless.

I also did what you just did to my mother a few times--when she got in my siblings' faces about their failures or what would the neighbors think. You aren't the only one.

I feel where you are coming from, RJ.

“If you are creative, you better be so in some douchebag money making way.”

One day when I was 29 I wanted to live by the sea and write poetry. I had money saved up, so I did it for 2 years, supplemented with part time jobs. Long hair and beard – check.

Another time – I was 19 – I loaded my Indian teepee on my truck and drove around the country living in it for a year.

And plenty of other things besides.

It did not get me the American Dream, but maybe my dreams are different then others.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/08/2012 10:06AM by anonaholic.

If you come back and get fed up, we have a futon, a bunch of couches, giant tvs, xboxes everywhere and lots of whiskey ;)

Ultimate comeback, "Mom, I'm making so much money from my fucking book about the fucking Mormon church that I don't need a job."

:)

Oh, have I mentioned that I loved your book? I bought it, so everyone must be buying it, huh? :)

Ooh, what is the book called, and where can I check it out?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=li1nxXY6NWM

:-)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/08/2012 11:17AM by robertb.