One of my most fanatical TBM friends who I really only got to know as her visiting teacher just called. She was fun to talk to because she's usually got something new going on in her life. But we have less than nothing in common. She just called to say she'd been thinking about me and really missed me and I was one of her favorite people and she wished I was still her VT and to give her a call. It was really quite gushing but that is sort of her style. Also, this is a seriously, mystically TBM woman who, despite her good qualities, is almost cringe-makingly Mormon in her speech. I feel like I should call her back because she was so nice on the phone, in her own way, but I really don't give a rat's fanny about most of my Mormon "friends" any more. The majority of them proved the shallowness of their friendships over a year ago - I don't feel like exploring the subject any further. Should I just call her back and chat politely for a few minutes and then drop it? PS, she's the only one recently who's called me to substitute for her in Primary but I never called her back that time.

Edited because I forgot to mention she left all this love on my answering machine because I don't pick up my phone when I see most Mormon phone numbers on my caller ID.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/07/2010 12:30AM by CA girl.

She will probably give up after a while.

'Cuz you know if you respond, she'll take that as a sign that she is getting somewhere and if she thinks her efforts are working she'll report back that you are receptive and you know where that will lead.

Besides- if she really was a friend she would have stuck by your side even if you didn't go to her church.

I just realized in the original post, I forgot to mention that she left this message on the answering machine. I never answer the phone when the caller ID shows a Mormon number (with a few exceptions) or unknown caller. I know she expects me to call her back though.

There are a few people who kept thinking we were gonna return their call. Thankfully, all but one has given up, but she just sends us the VT message every month and some yummy recipes to try out instead of the awkward phone message which never gets answered. She is a nice lady but we'd prefer to have brief pleasantries on the street than to submit to any type of church exercise.

But if you do decide to call back, I find it best to be very nice but unwavering. Remember- if you are mean on the phone it only serves to strengthen their test monkeys about satan and they will gird up their loins in response.

People who leave the church but remain pleasant and nice are a bigger threat to their confidence in having the only happiness.
In fact, maybe they will admit privately to themselves that they want what you have...

In that case you might want to thank her for thinking of you and at the same time let her know you're happy about no longer attending her church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/07/2010 03:54AM by Cheryl.

Tell her you have discovered that the Church isn't true and that you feel a lot happier and have been blessed because of that knowledge and because she is a true friend you want to invite her over to share that information with her.

You will never hear from her again

I do the same thing with my caller ID. I don't answer the door, either. Being the victim of past abuse and threats, I have an oversensitivity to Mormons. I think to myself, "They want me to do something I don't want to do, they want to take something away from us, ot they want to harm me and the children." As a group, I think of them as liars and manipulators, in business, and socially. You will learn to recognize the individual Mormons you can trust, but it takes time.

Your former VT is most likely going to ask you to substitute for Primary again.

I have a friend who used to confront the Mormons on their fake friendship. She has since left the cult. She had too much personality and sense of humor to be a serious Mormon. Whenever a Molly MOrmon would express friendship, or say something like, "I miss seeing you, Dear Sister. We should get together sometime...."

My friend would respond with, "Good idea! When?"
She would get out her day planner, and say, "Lunch next Wednesday would be good for me...."

I could hardly suppress my laughter at how uncomfortable that made people, as they trued to squirm out of the date.

I know...I know...there's always that split second, even years after leaving Mormonism, that you think maybe they just MIGHT be sincere.

I'm curious! I wish you'd call her back, just to find out what she's up to! Please let us know.

or something if she tries to pin me down to going to an RS function or something. The problem is, unlike a lot of Mormons I know, her heart is in the right place in spite of her one track mind. She honestly is nice but she can talk the party line like you wouldn't believe. Maybe I'll just call her back and say thanks for the call and leave it at that.

Every time someone suddenly acts nicey-nice like this, it reminds me of a hundred ward council meetings or Primary presidency meetings that I sat in where we discussed who we could assign to "friendship" a certain inactive and help them come back. It seemed like loving concern at the time but it is purely creepy and cult-like when looked at objectively.

...to be very honest and blunt with her, in a kind way. I'd tell her (speaking from your POV,) that I don't attend or believe in the church anymore, but that I always enjoyed her company and would love to see her for lunch. BUT if what she's doing is trying to fellowship me back in, then she's wasting her time and my own.

Then see where it goes from there. If she bears her testimony to you, just say, "I'm glad that it works for you, but it didn't work for me. I hope that you can respect that." If she persists, then you know where you stand with her.

After years and years of "gushing" from TBM SIL whose actions clearly showed that her words were phony I had finally had enough. What I found most irksome is that her gushing was usually done in front of others; totally uncalled for given our past relationship. I would reply in a normal way, not stand-offish or anything but just, well...normal and to be honest I would feel a bit inadequate not returning her "gush" in kind but not wanting to be phony.

Well, finally her gushing got to me, (probably because it came as an exuse for some really lousy behaviour on her part and also encased in a couple of whopper lies.) I responded by tactfully and honestly asking her not to do it. Telling her that her words were hollow in light of her actions and that I knew of her lies to me.

Her only response was to say I was "mean." I'm thinking she won't ever pull this gushing stuff around me again.

Assuming that you drink.

I personally thank them for thinking of me, it's the polite thing to do anyways regardless of sincerity. And I can drag out the love bombs as long as they are willing to participate because I actually don't feel obligated to do anything I don't want to do. When the invite to come back to church is finally given I have no problem stating that I no longer believe in the church and leave it at that.

And LOL at a few posts above, I thought I was the only one who makes suggestions of going out to lunch, or something non-religious when someone suggests we get together sometime.

" ...it's the polite thing to do anyways regardless of sincerity"


mormons depend (consciously or unconsciously) on the good manners of those they attempt to manipulate.

Suffering manipulation is not a requirement of civility ...

One question: why does she "wish" she was still your VT? Mormons can't visit and chat with friends if it's not their calling? Their minds work in mysterious ways.

Elise

Just ignore the call and continue to screen your calls. If you dont, then she will continue to bug you.