I walked into a Mormon church last weekend for the first time in 2 or 3 years. It was a wedding reception (in the gym, of course). As I walked in the door, I was almost completely overwhelmed by a sudden wave of nausea. I had been feeling just dandy all day, and after I left I felt a lot better. But inside that building, I felt like I was going to toss my cookies. I only stayed 20 minutes. Holy freakin' crap.

Holy CRAP indeed.

It's understandable. It's a big time trigger. I went to chirch with my mom 1 time after I had been out for 7-8 years. I just sat and fumed the whole time and wanted to interrupt the service to argue with the mumbling speaker.

One of my neices daughters (24 yr. old) is getting married. Nothing was mentioned in the paper or on the announcement about where she was getting married so I'm pretty sure it isn't a temple wedding (Her folks, siblings and grand parents are TBM and she has a bro. on a mission.)

I decided to attend for several reasons. I want to support her (even though I don't really know her) and I doubt she is being treated too kindly by her family.

Another reason reason I am going is to do the Xmas family thing. (I can say 'hi' without really engaging the TBM family and having to endure the awkwardness of sitting with them and trying to have a conversation).

And the third reason I want to go is because the reception is being held in the church house I attended when I was growing up. I want to see if I can bury some demons of my past TBM days. I fully expect entering that building will trigger some strong feelings for me. It will be interesting to see if I get sick, (as you did) or block out the feelings completely.

The reception is this coming Saturday and my ex-mo sister is going with me. She was always a rebel so it most likely will not affect her like it might me. She loves to thumb her nose at the church (and did it while she was growing up too). I kind of want to chicken out but because she is going, I doubt I will and I appreciate her support in my facing the demon family and physical reminders of my past insanity.

Just another step in my recovery.