I know that my response to this letter doesn't really warrant its own thread, but the other one closed and I really wanted to mock that letter. Probably because there was a time I might have written something exactly like it, or maybe living among people who say things so similar to it all day long is starting to drive me slowly insane. Either way, I feel like translating this letter from Mormon to English.

"Mormons don't think they are better than anyone else, its the fact that we have more."

Mormons. We don't think we're better than you, it's just that you suck.

---email from Ben W. May 2012 -----
(Translated by MiB)

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Hello, my name is Benjamin and I'm a 19 year old Mormon.

Hello, my name Bemji. I'm the product of a culture of willful ignorance coupled with an impotent educational system...and I'm a Mormon.

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Having said that, I've never felt the holy spirit in any other church.

Having no need to say that I said that, because it's self-evident, I've never felt the holy ghost (we don't say spirit) because I've never actually been in another church. It's discouraged.

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This website depicts me and my faith as a joke and/or a drug that is in desperate need of 'recovery'.

This website depicts my faith--and due to my inability to separate self-identity from group identity--me, as the joke that it is, which is also discouraged. And/or look who just found the forward slash bitches. Hot damn that sounds sophisticated.

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have you ever read the book of Mormon?

have you ever read an 1830s book of Mormon? It reads much like this letter.

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try focusing on what the belief consists of rather than what the people do.

Try sticking your fingers in your ears and shout, "I can't hear you, I can't hear you. Meow meow meow meow!"

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I know that Christ died for my sins, that i may live again.

I know that I killed Christ with all my late-night internet browsing that got me featured on Dateline.

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Is that not the same?

Is the unclear comparison not similar to that other thing?

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i not only have one holy book to gain knowledge of God from, but two and maybe more to come.

I have at least two, maybe more, ridiculous, antiquated sets of rules to live my life by. Oh God I'm going to come!

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Judge lest ye be judged.

I meant "judge not", but oddly "judge" fits better.

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This website needs shut down.

To be or not to be? Doesn't matter I'm from Idaho.

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i don't call mormonism a religion.

I don't call Mormonism by what our leaders insist it be called.

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It's a knowledge that can only by gained by reading the book of Mormon, another collection of prophecies that point to Christ and a second coming.

It's more of an intangible, metaphorical, existential, erection.

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the end.

I'm done talking.

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And when the end comes, which i believe is in my lifetime, do you want to be judged by the Lord for putting down your fellow man?

Just kidding! The end is near and don't put each other down. To illustrate, I'm writing this letter putting you down.

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If there need be an organization such as yours, it should be toward ignorance of christianity as a whole.

Go after the Catholics or gays or some one--we do.

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Mormons don't think they are better than anyone else, its the fact that we have more.

Mormons are better than everyone else.

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And you reject the words of God, for the book of Mormon was translated by young farm boy from an ancient Egyptian writing.

And you reject the words of God, and God speaks in fragment sentences.

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There are words in the book that haven't been used in centuries.

There are words in the book that haven't been used in centuries, I can't think of any but I'm sure...oh Egyptus! Bam!

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there is no way that the book of Mormon was made up.

There is no way that the Book of Mormon could be made up.

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And if it weren't made up, and it's words are true, who did they come from? The very God that gave his only son. Joseph Smith...

Joseph Smith made it up...

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translated the golden plates through his devotion and faith in the holy spirit.

with his head in a hat.

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So read the book, and when you find yourself thinking that it isn't true and it's just a bunch of made up stories and good teachings, then you have fallen to temptation.

So read the Book of Mormon and when you realize it's not true go reread it over and over until you do think it's true.

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When you realize that the devil himself keeps you from reading the book, you will open your eyes.

Blah blah blah church is true blah blah eternal torment blah blah blah what is that? Has it a name? Will you give it to me? Satan rules the waters. JesusChristAmen.