I am no longer a member of the church, but my wife is. As a result, my children are still subjected to the LDS church.

After moving to Utah and learning that it is against the law in Utah for a doctor to be alone with someone under the age of 16, I now REQUIRE my presence for any type of worthiness interviews.

If you hare a mixed family and your children are subjected to this. Insist that you are allowed to participate for your children's protection. In some states, discussing sexuality with a minor (other than sex ed in school) is a misdemeanor.

I never had any weird experiances, but my GF (wife now) was questioned extensively about her "experiances" with me. She was 16. The bish asked how often, where, what exactly we did and on and on. I never found out, but are those questions normal? Anyway she thought it was sick and enjoyed making him blush, and shamelessly told him everything.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/04/2012 06:12PM by 2litl2l8.

Doesn't matter if most or many kids don't have problems with the interviews. Doesn't matter if the bish is "a good guy."

The bottom line in this: Kids should not be sitting alone in closed room talking about intimate subjects with bishop real estate dealers or accountants when the law doesn't allow it for well trained doctors, teachers, or social workers.

Parents owe this protection to their children.

...than the fact I had a pervert bishop who got his jollies by asking pointed sexual questions to 17 year olds (while I swear he had to be jacking off behind his desk), is the fact that if I'd told my parents about it and how uncomfortable it made me and what a pervert I thought he was, I would have been disciplined big time for saying such things about the bishop. They never in a million bazillion years would have thought there was anything he could possibly say to a teenaged girl behind closed doors in a little office that was out of line. If he'd asked me to take my clothes off and I refused, my parents probably would have drug me in there and done it for me.

NormaRae Wrote:
If he'd asked me to take my clothes
> off and I refused, my parents probably would have
> drug me in there and done it for me.


You're probably right and thats the sad part. Most people are so brainwashed that if someone like the Bishop or Prophet or anyone with a high authority said or did something out of line it was ok. But if a non member school counsler did this there would be law suits.

...this a-hole WAS a high school counselor. He should have known what the boundaries are. I have often wondered if he got so frustrated having teenaged girls in his office at school all day and not being able to talk sexual to them, so he saved it up for Sundays when he could. If he had only asked me about masturbation, it wouldn't have been so bad, but he went far and beyond that, even feeling like he had to give me a sex ed lesson. He used to always come up to the girls and hug them. After that I would turn the other way when I saw him coming. The thought of him touching me made me want to hurl.

+1

But this is the one thing that I have a hard time forgiving! Institutionalized abuse! It is not ok for any adult to ask a kid if they masturbate! Never, never, never! (especially to shame and guilt them) I'm angry that I was not taught better boundaries as a very young teen. I have to pat myself on the back about that one. The thought of my chid being subjected to one of those things is what forced me to take all the crud off the shelf and really look at it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/04/2012 06:41PM by menomore.

I remember being subjected to these invasive interviews my entire adolescence and then suddenly realizing not long after I turned 22 how inappropriate it was, and that my parents should have never let it happen. What's scary is that it never really crossed my mind how horrible and controlling it was until that moment. I always hated them, but considered it my god-given "duty" because EVERYONE in authority over me said so.

Having a parent there can only help a kid think twice about letting some old guy pry into their personal life. I applaud anyone who puts their foot down about this.

I was never subjected to an "interrogation". Had I ever been asked about my sinning (drinking, smoking, "spankin' the monkey"...I would have lied through my teeth. Plus it was none of their f***ing business so I would have refused the interview. I WAS "interviewed" by the SP when I talked him into letting me be ordained an elder....but I smoked that one by him too....

A friend of mine at church went with her daughter to "the" interview. The Bishop was a little startled and said he had never had anyone request that before. I agree with those posting here. The Bishop (or anyone else) has no business asking such sensitive questions of young people.....

Amen. It amazes me what church leaders ask. Just terrible.

I am 100% convinced that these iterviews are how my husband learned how to lie so well and hide things from authority figures.

I remember only getting this when I was 18, actually. Never again. It was very weird and awkward. An old, crusty man asking me several questions about masturbation, porn, sexual activity. It was revolting. Of course I lied like a mofo, like I imagine most Mormons do, but these things should not be happening.

When an old dude asks a high school senior about touching himself, his sexual fantasies, what he does with girls, if he watches porn... that's a no-no. Parental concern is justified.

dogeatdog, I imagine thats true. I like to believe I am an honest man but when it comes down to it, I'm a fantastic liar, I learned all the tricks, facial control, eye movements, breathing, eye contact, detaching memories, hiding a lie with 1000 truths, etc. from my experiences in bishop and parental interviews, and with my mission president as well. Luckily as a student and professional, these days

I have very little I would be tempted to lie about but sometimes its instinctual and I have to make myself tell the truth which is difficult because lying has been so ingrained in me from such a young age in order to avoid disappointing my parents or my leaders.

That's how I felt when I was subjected to them. "It's time to learn Mutt's sins and to accuse him of much worse things."

I wonder, though, about the unintended effect of having a parent in the room during the interviews. Having to answer to one authority figure is bad enough, but two? It could be worse.

Of course, the thing is, NO ONE should be asking those questions.

For those of us who were miserable anyway, sitting there with 2 adults ganging up on us would have been excruciating.

The whole process seems like an attempt to break a kid's spirit and make them docile anyway.

By my teen years I was rebelling pretty hard against my parents and this would have just been another power play with Dad.

...coordinating your lies, even if your father is on your side. What does Dad already know about me? What lies have I told him? How does that work with what I need to not tell the bishop? Ow, my head hurts!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2012 10:39AM by Stray Mutt.

wrong section



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2012 10:40AM by laytonguy.

My point to this conversation is this:

1.) I think my presence as an exmormon would have prevented the bishop from asking inappropriate questions, especially since I informed him before the interview that I would be attending to prevent the questions from being asked.

2.) If he would have asked an inappropriate question, my child would not have felt awkward because I would have no problem stating "that is none of your business you f'ing pervert". I'm fairly certain that even a rebellious kid would be ok with that.

an unintended consequence.

And I don't know what other options you have besides just forbidding the interviews altogether. Some parents have attempted that, but it usually makes trouble with the spouse.

I sure wouldn't let the kids go in alone.

These cult members put their Bishop on a VERY high pedestal...my TBM husband would do ANYTHING his Bishop asked him to. I swear if his Bishop told him to give him a bj he would. There was no way he would ever imagine that his kids couldn't trust a BISHOP with their lives. I am sure most active cult members are the same way. The Bishop is "God " as far as they are concerned!

My son feels comfortable with being interviewed by himself by our bishop. However, the bishop knows to NOT as any other sexual-related questions other than if he's obeying the law of chastity. My son gives him the answers he wants to hear and handles the pressure well.

On the other hand, I make sure to be with my daughter with every interview the bishop does with her. To his credit my bishop is very accepting of this and gladly lets me be there.

I think I must be a lot older than most people participating in this thread because as a teen I had no idea what the work masturbation meant. If my bishop had asked me if I masturbated I'd probably have thought it was something else I should be doing and told him 'no but I'll try really hard to work on that'. It wasn't until I was older and learned about sex, (no formal ed) that I decided it was none of his business, I honestly though have never been asked straight out if I masturbated. Of course I'm a female and that might have something to do with it and I haven't been active for about 15 years so maybe it's a newer thing.

Good point.. They probably didn't harp as much about pornography back then as they do now either because of its easy accessibility on the internet.

"...this a-hole WAS a high school counselor."
The process is ripe for an Acorn-like sting. Send kid in with phone to record conversation.