My wife made a comment tonight that sent me into a rage...and she sincerely apologized for it a few minutes later. I calmed down and started explaining why it pissed me off so much.

While I was talking, I explained events over the past few years that explained why the comment pissed me off, and explained why I am the way I am now.

She started crying and said sincerely "I'm sorry you are so fucked up."

She had no idea really of the depth of everything.

I honestly couldn't grasp why she was crying for me...then in dawned on me that I probably can't get "back".

I honestly don't think I can get back to feeling sadness or regular emotions. Just like I can't believe in god or Mormonism anymore. Once it's undone you can't go back...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/07/2012 12:26AM by Lost Mystic.

It actually IS a giant breakthrough.

That was a huge step towards getting your life back.
You were able to communicate
some very valid and visceral
memories and emotions,
and it sounds like your wife really "heard" you.

That, my friend, took some serious cajones.

It will begin to get better, I promise.

Change is extremely difficult. If you try to see it as just a tiny step, an integral part of being human, the next step becomes a bit easier.
Just do it a tiny bit at a time.

I know I'm rooting for you, as well as many others.

You're doing amazing, even though it feels raw right now.

You expressed emotion, you were able to explain where it came from, and your wife understood - you connected with her. That all sounds positive. No, you won't ever be the same person you used to be, but none of us will. We are all changing, all the time, and that's a good thing. Just try to focus your change in a positive direction.

By the way, I think I figured it out - Raptor Jesus is absorbing your emotional energy through the medium of RfM. Go challenge him to a duel and take your power back.

I get the impression your wife really loves you and wants to understand what's happening with you. I'm glad you have that, and aren't alone.