Eekel's last thread closed before I could share my ramblings with everyone. It aggravated me enough to log in from my work computer, yea, EVEN my work computer owned by my uber-TBM boss. Enjoy, or perhaps save it to enjoy its barbituate effects upon retiring for the evening...


My wife and I resigned from the church eight years ago, and we've never been bothered by anyone from the ward. On the other hand, we were never active in the ward from the time we moved to our current ward and when we left - so no one had any connections to us. But it would be irrational of me to assume that because I've never experienced harrassment, no one else could possibly experience it.

I'm a 31yo, bisexual, bunny-hugging atheist liberal living in the armpit of the Jello Belt. There is *no where* else for me to go for support and discussion. I have zero aspects in common with the people I must interact with on a daily basis. At least on here, I can at least partially take the mask off and try to be myself. If my wife and I were to live a full and completely authentic life, we would risk alienating our families, and could even jeopardize my employment. I was also raised from birth on a "don't rock the boat" non-assertive mentality to a degree that has literally stunted my ability to interact with others normally. In eight years, neither my wife nor I have actually admitted to any family members that we resigned. I felt more comfortable admitting to my mother that I was gay (or so I thought at the time) than I am to admit to her I've cast myself into outer darkness. That's why I can't move on - because in MY situation, the consequences would be more than I'm willing to endure.

The reason a lot of us here "project" our hatred and misery onto the church is because for most of us, the church is like a cancer affecting every. single. aspect. of our lives. In fact, to be blunt, if it doesn't affect every aspect of your life, you're probably not following the teachings of the church correctly. As others have pointed out, you're violating your own temple recommend by visiting this site, and in reality by just having a close relationship with those who've left the church, regardless of familial obligation.

Whether you want to believe it or not, for a lot of us leaving the church was like leaving a cult. Yes, I just used the "c" word. You need to picture in your mind how you would expect someone leaving scientology or FLDS or JWs.. for a lot of us here, the challenges of trying to disentangle the tentacles of the "one true church" are very similar to those who've escaped the clutches of l. ron hubbard or warren jeffs. (Obviously those leaving FLDS are likely far, far more severely affected - I'm just trying to illustrate similarities.) When something so deeply affects your life, realizing it's all a sham can be earth-shattering.

Going back to my subject heading, it is utterly impossible to try and fit everyone's different experiences and situations into one concrete mold. Every bishop is different - every stake president is different - every relief society president is different - and just about every family is different. This provides endless plausible deniability for the church - "oh', it's not the church's fault you're just a bitter apostate". Well, yes, you're right, it's not the church's fault.. but it is the church's fault that a lot of us bitter apostates face ridicule, scorn, loss of relationships with loved ones, employment, and risk causing these same feelings and experiences in our loved ones around us simply because we chose to let go of the iron rod and take a different path. We risk having those around us choose the church above us - they "choose the savior", which is just code for choosing the church.

For a lot of us, the only way to "fix the problem" is to abandon every aspect of our lives and start over new somewhere far away. But in this day and age, we can't simply build wooden barges and float across the sea to the promised land..



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/07/2012 06:52PM by apatheist.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,521640

From 2 different posts in this thread..

"the 'true' aspects of caring, loving relationships are AWOL in Mormon culture. They've been forced out of the picture, individually and collectively by the way things are measured & rewarding in Morland:"

"Just today I finally broke through and realized that I have NEVER ONE DAY felt loved by anyone in the church, but especially the men. It was sex, always sex. We were not allowed to actually be female, feminine, nurturing, because if we did we were "harlots", "sluts" and if we showed kindness and mercy to men, then obviously we wanted sex with them. They wouldn't let us be humans, be friends. It was always sex."





Enough said...

Don't go getting yourself fired, now, apatheist.

Hang in there apatheist. Yes, I agree. It's horrible that a person can't just be. My wife and I just resigned recently and we live in a small town where, (per actual city data), the population is 81% percent Mormon. We've lived here 5 years. Word will get around soon and we are expecting it may be a very rough ride. At least you do always have the support of those of us that understand and care.

My hometown, however, where decades-old trees are being chopped so that people can see the gleaming white monstrosity from all four directions, probably has that much.

When I think of living there again, I start to shudder uncontrollably.

"After a dozen or so threads it's disheartening to see nobody can get past the surface or their own emotions when discussing the church."

When you've had a cancerous religion slither its tentacles into every single aspect of your life, it's pretty tough to get past our own emotions. When you've contemplated suicide innumerable times over the years as a church member because you have feelings that just aren't "natural".. when you continue contemplating it after you've left because you feel completely alone in the world..... yes, it's pretty fucking hard to look at a cult with zero emotions.

As far as getting past the surface, I did that a long time ago when I found out the endowment ceremony - the most crucial ritual on the face of the planet, yea, EVEN planet earth, had been changed drastically, multiple times over the years. Not slight grammatical changes, but entire paragraphs removed and sections reworded. This was only one of many, many things I've discovered that horrify me. It doesn't matter what any person's emotions or agenda are geared toward - it's absolute fact. The endowment ceremony was changed. Mark Hofmann sold forgeries to church leadership. The facsimiles from PogP are pagan egyptian funeral scrolls. The list is endless, and literally every week I find out something new that I had never been aware of.

If you don't think we should be concerned that the most critical experience known to man, what is supposed to be the entire basis of the "One True Church", when a pimply-faced boy has to re-recite the sacrament prayer four times because he stuttered, then I believe you have some digging past the surface of your own to do.

We as humans are both logical and emotional creatures.

Eeke has attempted to discredit and trivialize us because we expressed emotion such as anger as a response when our logical research has turned up substantial evidence that the Church is not what is claims to be and has in fact lied and deceived us.

We have a right to be outraged and are entitled to express the accompanying anger in a healthy manner.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/07/2012 07:33PM by davesnothere.