Here is the link to my previous post that is connected to this one, so I don't have to repeat myself.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,536890

I ended up writing a letter. Mr. Fidget thinks I was too harsh. I wasn't trying to be harsh, just direct.

Mr. ( blank ),
I have been trying to contact you and will continue to try and get ahold of you before this letter arrives.
I want to make it perfectly clear that you have NO right to inform my father of my decision to resign from this church. According to your own Church Handbook of Instructions, the only person you are supposed to contact is the Stake President. The matter of resigning should be and will be handled with confidentiality and respect.
If and when I decide, I will inform my father of my decision.
I am sure you understand your mistake of informing my father of my husband's resignation, and I rest assured that this will absolutely NOT happen again.
Thank you.
Fidget

Thoughts? Was I too harsh?



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 06/21/2012 09:11PM by fidget.

I hope you find out you were direct enough. I hope he is smart enuf to honor his obligations as a Bishop. If not, you have nothing to lose. Let the world know. They will Randy Bott him.

It doesn't look too harsh to me. Just direct and to the point. Then again, I once had a job where one of my duties was chief writer of nastygrams so I have a flawed definition of harsh. :)

Generally bishops talk to their counselors who talk to their wives some one of which will set it free on the rumor mill. I suspect your chances are slim.

We told the Stake Pres and Bishop we would let people know as we saw fit. We never got the chance, the s*%t hit the fan, and the shunning started.

You may want to consider telling your father before he finds out.

Doesn't sound angry. Just direct. I think it is about perfect.

So he just called me back finally. I explained to him everything, also told him my letter that he will receive was not meant to be harsh but direct. I felt so good dropping the letters in the box earlier. Now I have this overwhelming sense of dread. I am trying not to cry. I tried to explain to my husband that it's different for me because I know all these people, we live in the ward I grew up in. I feel so lost and alone. I can't explain it. I know its right, but this doubt.....what if?.... I didn't expect this rollercoaster of mixed emotions..

As a person who comes off too harshly on a regular basis, I'm going to say that you are just fine. You communicated very clearly and without any unnecessary harsh undertones.

At least that is how I read it. :)

No. You are fine. He has to learn to respect female rights to privacy, an area you are teaching him.

Anagrammy

Sometimes, when we come out of a surreal experience like Mormonism, we question what's appropriate. As Mormons, we were not allowed to talk back or question authority. So when we say, "That's not OK with me" when we used to shrink and just take it, we can feel strange. This only feels strange because it's new.

Now, if you sent him a letter in ALL CAPS using the F-word in several places, that might be a bit harsh. But stating very firmly what you expect is healthy.

The tragedy of Mormonism is that it prevents women from being the strong, empowered women they were meant to be. This robs the world of the unique perspectives and gifts that women possess. Even as a male, I don't feel right if I only hear a man's perspective on things. I like to hear all different sides, male and female, young and senior, etc.

Here's to you, and the incredible woman that was always there.

T-Bone

Thanks everybody...I can't believe how nerve wracking this has all been.

You did great :)

There are a lot of other things you could have added in there:

For example, you could have spelled out that any acting-out on his own initiative would be considered by you grounds for a civil lawsuit for invasion of privacy, or a public exposure of his bullying tactic in the local media...

I did think about adding that, but then I chickened out....

I'm hoping he'll honor his word and I won't have to resort to a next letter. :)