In a few days, a friend of mine who's a member will be visiting me, and no doubt I'll be trying to explain why I left and became an atheist.

They're a good person and a good listener, and I value their friendship.

But it'll be my first time explaining my findings to a church member that isn't a missionary. I don't know how it's going to go, and I also feel a bit pre-guilty, if that's a word, because let's say they agree with the evidence I'll put to them, I wouldn't want their family life to fall apart or something. Know what I mean?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2012 06:51AM by procyon.

I'm going to have one of these conversations myself very soon. I haven't successfully done it yet, but this is how I'm going to do it.

* I am going to start off the conversation telling him how much I value their friendship, and how I've been holding back because I'm afraid of losing this friendship. I'm also going to tell this person the damn truth: That in my 3 years as a Mormon, he's the only one I ever met who I felt is a true friend...which is why I'm sharing this news with him....

* I've done a lot of thinking, and in my time as a member, I've witnessed contradictions and have learned things that have made me realize Mormonism isn't for me (will insert examples). I was also deceived and withheld of information during my conversion process that prevented me from making a truly informed decision.

*I cant compromise my integrity by following this faith knowing what I know.

*Will explain the action I plan to take (personally not resigning from church. Will remain inactive but on church records...at least for as long as I can without people bugging me)

*Will continue to live the gospel...I just don't need some old guy telling me how to do so...nor have anybody tell me that the only way I can reach heaven is through a husband I don't want...and one the Church will likely hook me to anyway after my death. (I understand you might want to say something else, being atheist.)

So basically, here's the formula I'm following:

*Reassuring friend that they are loved, valued, respected by me.

*Break the news, with some (but not necessarily all) reasons. Make subtle reference to the dishonest nature of the church culture.

*Take stock of your moral compass. Let them see you doing it.

*Tell them what your leaving entails (will you resign, or simply go inactive? Are there occasions when you would attend Church?)

*End the way you began: with reassurance. This time, reassurance that you're still a good person, and you don't need the church in your life to validate that for you.

Hope this helps.

Hi jezebel2mishies, your name gives me the giggles! :+)

Well anyway yeah, that's a good formula, I'll keep it simple, calm and friendly, explain what I've found and hope for the best.

TBMs won't be able to understand and it's usually a mistake to discuss flaws in the church unless they're ready to see some of them.

Adults have a right to change churches whenever it suits their needs without getting permission or giving explanations.

Hi Cheryl,

I know what you're saying, but people aren't all the same, and there are always exceptions in people.

I think waiting until they're ready doesn't seem practical, because that could be anytime between now and their or my death, or never. And I couldn't ask them, "are you ready to hear all this yet?"

I'm not seeking any permission from anyone. I've already taken actions I feel to be right for me. I have resigned from the church. But I find that my friendship with this person, and some others, transcends the religion. In other words, I don't mind what they believe. I like them as people and want to keep them as friends. If it doesn't work out that way in the end, then que sera sera.

However, with all the enlightening, consciousness-raising things I'm still learning about, which helped liberate me from that stifling belief system and make sense of my years of doubts and questions, I want to lay some of it out on the table, so to speak, and out partly out of sheer curiosity, see how these people respond to such evidence.



Edited 10 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2012 09:29AM by procyon.

In which case, I say, "Go for it."

But with certain people in my life, it's different, and what you said first is, sadly and rather frustratingly, very true at the moment.



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2012 09:29PM by procyon.