Don't know if any of you are fans of the show' The bachelor' but rumor has it that Emily picks Jef who grew up mormon but isn't active, I want to scream at the tv "Don't pick him, it's not worth it!" You can tell he tries to hide it " my parents are away doing charity work" right. they are on a mission. So, anyone watching?

I am watching and know you are referring to his "hometown date" outside St. George. It can't be easy for him, just like a lot of us, to be surrounded by TBM family when he clearly is not. I think he lives in Salt Lake so at least there is somewhat of a buffer and he clearly lives his own life. I don't think it's fair for someone to judge me based on my TBM family just like Jef. Even if Emily picks him, the show has a terribly poor track record of these couples breaking up after the show ends so it likely won't matter anyway!

It's not Jef's fault that his family is Mormon, and she shouldn't hold it against him, BUT I think it's a red flag that he isn't being straightforward about the whole thing. He should have told her that his parents were on a Mormon mission, etc. She's going to find out eventually anyway if they end up together. Also, if he's an ex-Mormon, wouldn't he be eager to point out that he no longer believes? The fact that he seems to be covering up for his family is not a good sign. (Of course, it's possible that he had a conversation with Emily about this that wasn't filmed or got edited out.)

Someone mentioned it here, and I wanted to see if I could tell if he was LD$. This girl has NO idea what she is getting into. I could see the LD$ passive-aggressive judgment, and the disapproval from the family over a previous girlfriend should have been a huge red flag. The brother was a TBM jerk. She did not know he was practically going to give her the discussions, and dropping hints that "you have to belong to the same crutch to be accepted here". Their clothes were garment-friendly frumpy, and the family seemed so fake to me compared to the other families. She does not know TSCC rewards salesmanship, and entertaining, narcissistic personalities. They can put on a good show, but underneath the veneer it is all about control.

Living in Utah made it difficult for me to watch; the culture has made my life miserable. It always comes down to really understanding the culture. If I had known what they believed, how they lived, and how TSCC really operates, I would never, ever have moved here or rejoined.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/05/2012 02:23AM by atheist&happy:-).

I understand what you are saying - the TBM brother practically gave Emily a bishop's worthiness interview and says to Jef that he's never been interested in having a family. This was definitely a more extreme example, but the show has a long history of going to the contestant's hometowns while the other half is grilled by family members they just met. Who in real life does this? None of my siblings ever sought my approval of their spouses - nor should they. These are all friggin adults for Gawd sakes! I'm sure Jef is mortified by his family (and rightfully so), hence his "charity work" comment in regard to his parents.

members of their families all the time. They pressure them to be active, convert, go to the temple, etc.

We all know the baggage. Those other families were simply families. This woman, and her daughter are a family. "Having a family" is a loaded phrase in TSCC. There is the one, true proper way that involves "worthiness", the temple, sealings, priesthood, etc., and morgbots think you have to follow the roles given by profits so you can live for eternity with your family. The "plan of happiness" is all mapped out, and they cannot imagine why anyone would want to deviate, because who wouldn't want to be with their family forever or happy?

Sure people are adults, but a lot depends on how independent they can be from their families, and whether they can leave behind the mental hold TSCC has on them.

It's just entertainment, but I'm sick of the culture, because I grew up elsewhere, and I cringe when I see someone near the edge of the LD$ cliff.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/05/2012 02:41AM by atheist&happy:-).

It's hard to trust someone who say's they are not active right now, they may go back and then what? for her it stinks if he is not totally honest.

In my 40+ years in the Church, it was actually quite rare for someone to go from totally inactive to uber-TBM - and even then it usually didn't stick.

When I moved in here, the bishop of the ward was a reformed mormon who used to own a bar--and I worked with a few years before and he wasn't active mormon. He went on to be SP and still going strong as an active mormon.

My uncle--drank, smoked, etc., and swore he'd never become active mormon and then did in his 50s--and became SP. Even his very TBM wife said he was a lot more fun as a heathen.

The bishop of the ward I lived in just after I got married--same thing. Reactivated in his 50s and preached to me about learning to pray in public which I never did and still don't do.

Most of my cousins--one got married in the temple to his 6th wife in his 60s. They bear their testimonies now at family reunions but sowed more than a few oats in their 20s, 30s, 40s.

I was the devout one--and I left in my 40s.

Oh--and I just happened to catch the last few bachelorette shows (I work at that time and have the TV on)--every time I catch any of these "seasons" I think "how low must your self esteem be to put yourself up against 24 other bachelors. They keep talking about falling in love with her--and, true, like she said--she goes and meets the family, tells them how much she cares about their son, and then goes on TV the next week and dumps his ass. What? The guy dumped this week reminds me of my younger brother. It made me ill. If she doesn't want to participate in doing this--then why did she agree to go back on the show again?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/05/2012 11:55AM by cl2.

In my current ward, there are three couples who were inactive in their 20s and 30s They returned to activity in their late 40s or 50s and are now the uberist of uber-TBMs (never miss a Sunday, donate to anti-gay causes, etc.). There are two former HPGLs, a former bishop and a stake RSP among them.

In my family, several of my wild cousins who left in their teens or early 20s are now drifting back (or being dragged by spouses) in their 40s. Since they live in small towns with high LDS populations, the pressure must be getting to them.

One aunt, now approaching 70, partied her way through the teens, 20s, 30s and into her 40s. Two divorces and one child later, she returned to sainthood with a vengeance. She used to be really cool but now she's now utterly insufferable.

(Humiliating confession)
I was reading a bachelorette chat board. This topic came up.
I am wondering if it is true.


Thanks, for clearing that up. Also, when a mission president is called, they are required to get rid of all debt (except a home) and sell business interests. I personally know three men called as mission presidents. One was a dentist (and only in his early 40s). He had to sell his practice. The other owned several McDonald's franchises that he had to sell. We were leasing a home from another man. He had to sell it., Unfortunately, we weren't in a position to buy it and had to move. You're right that they are given a stipend to run the mission, housing and a car is also provided in most cases. All other expenses, they pay for.

I knew some folks that ran a very successful burger place in Utah that they shut down and sold when they went to serve a mission. I thought it was kinda foolish and selfish to do so since they had numerous family members who could easily have taken over.

Alot of you keep saying she doesnt know what he's getting into and that he is lying to her. I have worked in the audio industry for 5 years and i can tell when something is being dubbed over. I listend to it several times and im pretty positive that when jeff says his parents are going to be gone for "charity work" he originally said something else. The producers obviously dont want any religious stuff on the show so they dubbed it over to say something else. I'm sure they have descused religion several times, theres alot of stuff that they dont show you on the show.

Exactly - "charity work" was completely a voice over or splice and dice from another time when they asked him to say it differently.

That show, in particular, is notorious for even having words about one guy/girl spliced into what the lead says about another guy/girl! It's crazy.

Jef has survived to be one of the final two. Perhaps the rumors are true after all.

Jef stated that his family loved her and that his mom and dad (currently on a senior mission) want to meet her.

Still no talk of religion that I heard, but I was only watching very lightly.

Yes, I am watching and thought the same thing about "charity work"....I was ticked she picked him as one of the two....just another gal who doesn't know a thing about Mormonism. I saw some previews for the show on the 22nd. I think in the end she picks no one....did you see those teasers?....looks like she doesn't go thru with it. She may still be like she was with Brad.....just wants celebrity....but I did like her more as the bachelorette.

I'm a bit surprised that she let the blond guy go (the insurance agent from Texas.) He's personable and they seemed to have good chemistry. Plus he seemed genuinely fond of her. Jef is tougher for me to read. Did you notice his white shirt/black tie combo at the rose ceremony? Very mishie. I don't think she has a clue about Mormonism.

My daughter and I watch the Bachelorette. The girl, Emily, kept saying, "Jeff is different than anyone I've ever known." She has never known a Mormon! To us, Jeff is typical. Full of the gift of gab, and the ability to write Jr. High-type love letters. Mostly, he is full of himself. Yeah, another narcissist.

His family were dressed in what Mormons wear for those giant family photos--all in shades of denim and khaki, and I'm sure the TV crew put a bright pink cardigan on one of them. The family seemed stiff and uptight. They were critical of Jeff. Emily has a little girl, and we thought about how awful it would be to expose her to a misogynist, polygamous cult. Her new grandparents would hound her until she got baptized--and the mother, Emily, too. A lifetime of harassment, and criticism--run, Emily.

Was that a ctr ring on her finger last night?

I know Jef. He's not into the church at all. His brother Mike isn't either and never has been. I'm not too worried for Emily. His family is seriously laid back and they let their kids make their own choices. And yes, his parents are mission presidents. I think Emily will be just fine. I think Jef has his head screwed on straight.

That's the impression I got...he has a tattoo on his arm, and he drinks with the guys, clearly he's not hardcore...I actually like Jef...waaaay too corny for me but Emily seems to like him haha

One of the gossip magazines is reporting that whomever gets the nod was her second choice, the first choice man having bowed out (saying he didn't know her well enough to propose marriage.) Who knows?

To be fair, I'm very certain - having both watched the series regularly, been to tapings, and having seen Jef's hometown date episode multiple times - that the line about his parents doing "charity work" or whatever he said (that clearly ducked saying they were on an LDS mission, let alone their titles!) was very much a voiceover.

Just as they've ducked around the extent of Emily's faith (and did to one of the other F3 guys, Sean, as well) - she's a staunch evangelical Christian who has and does lead Bible studies at her church - I think they (the producers) have wanted to discount the extent that Mormonism plays into Jef's family history.

Granted, some of that probably comes because of their concern that would impact Emily and Jef's relationship (unless he's truly far further from Mormonism than he lets on with his self proclaimd "half Mormon" status) but...

I don't think that the dodge of his parents on a mission was Jef's original statement and that that was a splice and dice with a more politically correct cover thanks to the producers wanting to downplay the differences in faith tradition.

(And I do hope it comes out at some point that they - Jef and Emily - have truly talked through this issue to a much greater extent than the producers would ever let us see...because if not, I don't see how in the world they have a chance of standing post-taping of the ATFR show on Sunday. If Jef's truly more Mormon than he lets on, and Emily's faith hasn't been an act for the last many years, even before she was in the more public eye thanks to ABC, I think they're going to have a hard time making it work with all the other strikes reality TV brings against them anyway!)

So, she's down to Arie and Jef.

Arie seems to have more hotness and chemistry with her. However she seems really, really conservative (as in overly religious). She did not offer the "stay the night" option with him which was odd. It's like she only offered it to the ones she knew would refuse. When she visited Arie's family, they seemed really liberal and unconventional. I think that was the family that started speaking Danish in front of her which was really impolite. She probably relates to his race car career since that is what she had with her first husband.

Jef might be OK for her. He's from a "conservative values" environment and not really Mormonish. His career seems a little sketchy selling water bottles but who knows. His family seems well off which might be an extra attraction for her. She probably likes the "strong family" thing (little does she know).

I hope they all find whatever they are looking for...besides money and attention. :-)

I can see her with either one.