Sadly there is in mine. We never bring up the church on the phone or at visits. I think its too painful for them and I kind of chicken out and say nothing.

It's a strange relationsip and its directly caused by the Mormon cult that we were raised in.

Feels like the freekin twilight zone in my head when I am around them, which thank gawd is seldom. Living 1000 miles away from TBM family is a blessing in my case.

Just weird to see how they function so intimately with a lie.
I suspect at least two are on meds either for anxiety or depression.

My dad knows about the DNA of Native Americans. He read Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Dimond. Took him 3 months. He really enjoyed it and said on more than one occasion that it was fascinating. Maybe the lack of mention of "Nephites" in the book just doesn't connect in his head? I really don't know.

My Mom won't look at it. She is a devout TBM who went thru the temple in the early 60's and participated in the grisly penalties. Never a word. 1000 + temple sessions easily.

I don't think she could admit even to herself that her life has been based on a fraud. Amazing the cult mind control can have on a person with high intelligence and who is quite likable.

Yep, there's an elephant in my own living room, bedroom, etc. All the time.

Elephants can live 40 years or longer. Mine is going on 39 years now and showing no signs of ambling off into the sunset. She does accompany us in the car and to restaurants and wherever as well.

I've named ours Sheila--for no particular reason.

My parents would be right with yours, at least a 1000 temple sessions. They passed the point of no return with the church a long time ago. My father kept his eyes closed and his ears plugged but I know my mother knows a lot of the stuff that doesn't make sense. Still, she is going to prove her faith no matter what and at her age, all I can do is pat Sheila on the trunk.

The one time you really want to be able to say anything is with your family. I have missed that.

Your family is really missing out. You have so much to say, and you say it so well. I can't imagine having a child as eloquent and well spoken as you, and never hearing them.

I'm glad you're here. I love reading your posts. You are so funny, and so thoughtful, depending on the subject. I love hearing what you have to say.

+1 ....and I would add insightful to your list.

The same can be said of you, Mia.

+2 I've enjoyed how you can express yourself in a simplistic way.

What a way to start the day. That means more than all of you know.

Really, it's a loss for both of you that doesn't have to be.

Working with the idea of speaking your truth with love, would you be recovered enough to enjoy a conversation about what's going on in the ward? Would you like to talk about your parents' views about how having a Mormon president might benefit America?

If YOU would like to have a wider talking zone with your parents, then there's nothing wrong with saying some of the below:

"I feel like there's an elephant in the room when we get together because of the church. You know I don't believe and you also know that I love you and want to be part of your lives. Since a big part of your lives centers on the church, I want to hear what's going on with you in your callings, with your thoughts on Mitt Romney, etc.

Just because I don't believe doesn't mean you can't talk to me. I'm still your son--please don't treat me like you can't speak freely. I love you and accept your belief. Nothing you say will offend me or raise a big argument--let's make our peace with our differences and continue to be a close family, what do you say?"

Anagrammy

I really appreciate that Anagrammy. We actually do talk all the time about their callings, or did, my father is gone now. I have talked non stop about the church and government and grandkids and church books, and how my mom typed the patriarchal blessings, and on and on. I showed interest and I read my mother's poems on the savior and told her how beautiful they were.

So here's what Sheila thinks of it. A lifetime in the church has squelched all reciprocity. I find that true of many many mormon lifers. It isn't that the church is the most important thing, it is that the church is the only thing that counts at all. The world narrows continually for them---I call it mormon glaucoma.

I would definitely advise anyone to follow your advice. Every one is different and it could be invaluable for many.

It isn't all bad, and there is love, and sometimes Sheila does take a nap, but it's hard not to have wanted more.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/13/2012 01:02PM by blueorchid.

Actually, I have several elephants in my living room. Miniature ones made out of various materials. I collect them.

Oh god I have way too many at my house. My dad has always worked in random countries, think Bangladesh, Africa, Texas, and he brings me soooo much elephant stuff I end up giving it away. FCD hit me up if you want any elephant crap.

Also yes on the fake one as well. It sucks, I hate feeling like I can't talk about everything with my hubby anymore. Infact it feels like we can't talk about anything.

This elephant is taking up all the room!

I live in a house full of TBMs. Only my parents know of my disbelief. However, church stuff is brought up constantly. Not really doctrine but stuff like "We have to clean the ward house on Saturday. My visiting teachers are coming over tomorrow. A lady at church said blah blah blah."

Every time these things are said I tense up and then try to act natural. Each time it's as if my mom has realized it mid sentence and the awkwardness gets thick.

I hate it so much. I don't know how I can handle it for years on end.

I think I'll do like you and move 1000 miles away. I'll miss them but not the ever present elephant.

I’ve managed the purge our living room of all elephants. My wife and all four kids have taken somewhat different paths on their journey out of the church but we have all always been open to discussion. So no elephants. Well, at least not in the house I live in.
The in-laws house is a different story all together. Both of them can’t deal with the fact that anybody might have a different opinion than them. So the only way to avoid an argument is to have shallow conversations about things that don’t really matter. I’m content to play their game but apparently they open up and express their opinions quite vocally to my kids when I’m not around. Consequently my kids have stopped staying over at their house because they don’t like the lectures.

Are you trying to say I've put weight on?

rofl....you are on a roll the last few days.

Yep there is an elephant in my families homes too.

Only 2 still go to church. They can't function without the church. They still believe it all. Everyone else has left.

Maybe the Ronmey run will open some eyes?

Hope springs eternal.

My TBM family has an elephant in every room of the house. Totally in the Mormon CULT. It's sickening to realize how brainwashed they are.

The family is long gone. The only Elephant in my living room would be the occasional pink one.

There's a whole circus!