TBM boyfriend and I had a really good weekend. On Saturday we went to a Christmas party held by some of my work friends. It was fun and sweet.

Then we came back to my place and he asked if he could see my computer to look up something (turned out to be the weather). I said, "sure, hold on," and proceeded to clear my internet history, which this week was full of anti/post/ex mormon sites. I don't know why, I just didn't feel like going in on the issue at that moment.

When he asked what I was doing, I said, "oh ummm I'm just clearing my history from all the anti-Mormon sites I've been looking at." Which pretty much brought the topic up, obviously, but I wanted to be honest and he can tell when I'm lying because I'm a horrible liar.

He said, "the internet is the worst!" Then he asked what I had looked at, and I said, "oh several things. I watched a great documentary on the Bible vs the Book of Mormon. Did you know there is no archeological evidence for the Book of Mormon?"

Then he wanted to watch it. He opened it up on youtube and started to watch, and then started looking really, really sad. He just got in is own world and it was like a cloud came over his whole being. I started to get worried.

Instead of letting him finish watching it, I said, "honey, look don't watch it, if it's going to make you so sad." I had to basically pull him out of that sad world.

If you could have seen his face your heart would have broken.

I realized after this that maybe I was protecting him too much, but I got worried about how hard it would have been for him. I am trying to take it slowly. But then I felt like an enabler.

I am interested in him learning about all the things I have been learning, but they are the very things that have convinced me that the Church is not what it claims to be.

Should I have just let him watch all of it? Should I push the issue? I've been trying to back off and let him go about it his own way. Maybe at another time he will decide to look that documentary up, on his own. From everything I have read on here, losing your faith in the Mormon Church is painful and difficult. I wanted to let him go about that in his own time, if he ever decides to.

Its just the old "you can lead a horse to water" thang.

You did good.

Timothy

Timothy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Its just the old "you can lead a horse to water"
> thang.
>
> You did good.
>
> Timothy


Which reminds me of a great one-liner.

Dorothy Parker was once asked to define "horticulture". Her reply:

"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."

Good one, Dot!

Ron

You don't ever want to pull him away from something that tells him the truth.

Of course he is sad, the truth hurts. But you need to let him work it through.
Leaving a cult is not easy.

I know, that's what I was thinking. Learning the truth is going to be painful, if he ever goes for it, and that's just a fact. I can't shield him from reality (at the very least, the truth that there is no archaeological evidence for the BoM) just so his feelings don't get hurt.

I really have been trying to go more easy since I posted on here last week. It's like, showing a person the light slowly and with less discomfort, or ripping the blindfold off and having them potentially go blind. That's how I thought of it. I am going for the first way.

But lately I'm really just feeling like not getting involved at all and just letting him be the author of his own destiny. If it comes up I'll speak my peace, but I can't alter his beliefs - trying to do so gets exhausting.

Mommy and Daddy are Santa.

If it ever happens again, let him see the whole thing. If he gets too sad show him your boobs. He'll cheer up fast, and with no church to hold him back......

If he has a strong testimony, then he's about to go through a grieving process as it dies. Don't hold back if he wants to see or talk about it. By supporting his need to know, you are helping him through the grief. It may just make your relationship stronger too.

Out of curiosity, what was the video?

Did you see the one about the pear of great price? That's a good one too. Maybe it could sneak into your internet history for the next time he wants to look up weather on your computer.

The video was the Bible vs the Book of Mormon on youtube.

It's an hour long and it basically makes the point that no matter what you believe about the Bible, there are archeological remnants of those civilizations from that time period, while there are none from the Book of Mormon. They talked to a lot of experts and archaologists as well as a very funny Jewish Rabbi in Israel who said, "a temple in America? This is impossible! Jews were not allowed to build temples outside of Jerusalem!"

Thanks CA girl! :)

Not only were you non-confrontational, but you made it perfectly clear to him that HE mattered more to you than anything and that you wanted him to feel loved and happy more than you wanted him convinced you were right. That should give him the security in your feelings for him to search on his own. Trying to convince him he was wrong would have made him feel insecure and defensive. Keep giving him that unconditional love and let him set the pace of what he wants to know. Sounds like you gave him a lot to think about and he's either going to shut down, frightened to look more or he's going to start searching in earnest. Making him feel secure is the best thing you could have done. Sounds like you are a terrific girlfriend - I hope my son finds someone that unselfish some day.

He doesn't need protection. He is going to get informed if you show him what you are looking at. How he responds to it is up to him. So he is sad. OK. That's a normal natural reaction.
He has been protected and sheltered. It's probably time for him to get in touch with the real world.

I think you are handling it all very well.

Give him time. He'll figure out what he is ready for.

There is saying I like: When the student is ready, the master (teacher) appears.

You gave him the infamous "you can't handle the truth" spiel. I'd be surprised if he leaves it alone, he'll dig deeper.

It's okay to be an enabler. I wish someone would've done that for me BEFORE I went on a mission.

But actually, use reverse psychology. Tell him you DON'T want him to read the anti stuff because you are afraid it will make him lose his testimony. Then he'll WANT to read it. He does, he loses his testimony, he leaves the church, and the two of you live happily ever after.