Because I think most of them are trying to juggle family and belief. I was one of the lucky ones who's immediate family was glad to see me call it quits. I was never all that concerned about the extended family's thoughts on the matter. So I try not to judge those who aren't so lucky, especially those whose marriages would be on the line.
I have mixed feelings. Their twisting of logic sometimes frustrates me even more than TBMs all-in brainwashed approach.
Overall I'm pretty sympathetic though.
For one I think they are largely the ones who will help the Mormon church to be less cult-like and more healthy over time.
Many of them I believe actually learn to use the Mormon church as a positive thing in their lives. Once they learn to be immune to the control mechanisms they can use it as their framework for spirituality.
However, I think they have to do a lot of mental gymnastics that has got to get tiring.
Often it is probably for social/family reasons and they have to do the best they can.
New Order Mormons have chosen a different priority than those of us who resigned. Some feel they can or even must "work from within."
They are our brothers and sisters who came to the same realization that we did; however, due to their own priorities, they elected not to resign at the present time.
Frankly, they are one masturbation interview from leaving at any point (in my opinion). Each person loads their shelf and it is a very personal experience, usually, that kicks the whole thing to the ground.
So, I consider them on the way out because there is no "working from within" to affect change. If there were, the Mormon Feminist movement would have made a difference. After the flare of protest over the excommunication of Sonja Johnson, what little autonomy women had due to their money-making bake sales was taken away by the priesthood.
If there were "working from within" the September Six would have been restored to full fellowship and received an apology, along with Thomas Ferguson.
If there were effective people influencing the G15 to make the temple ceremonies less offensive, they wouldn't have had to take a survey now would they? They could just discuss the many cards and letters flowing in and express their concern over their beloved members. Instead, they took a poll looking for a preponderance of numbers who would show them which things were the most offensive. Any rational person can conclude that such behavior in a religious setting demonstrates a complete lack of compassion AND inspiration.
What influences the G15 to affect change is statistics. This is just what history shows us.
We can respect the choices of NOMs to try to change the church, while being fully aware that they are on a fool's errand.
Since I don't believe in God, or heaven and hell, it's not a matter of salvation to attend the correct church (if there even IS one, and I don't think there is). If they want to be in the LDS church, that's fine as long as they don't try to push in on me.
My main concern would be that people learn how to direct their own lives and not be subject to mind manipulation. I think it would be hard to maintain independent thought and action while in the church.
I know a husband and wife who stayed for the social aspects and because of the old "it's a good way to teach morals" line. I haven't talked to the wife about her unbelief for YEARS. But I get the sense that years of exposure to meetings have influenced her thinking quite a bit. And their kids are totally into the church. I don't think that's a great outcome.
So I guess I DO have a bias that it's better to just bite the bullet and change your life to go with your beliefs. But I know it's harder for some people than others. Ultimately, everybody has to figure out what they think will work the best in their lives. And we don't always KNOW what will work best until we try, and find out the results.
If NOMs discussed their knowledge openly in church wouldn't they be deemed apostates? I get the social side of things but how does one maintain sanity listening to a block of lies at the pulpit every Sunday?
I thought like this for a brief time. I could stay in the church, because it made me a better person, I could fight against all the racism, the unscientific rubbish, urban legends, and mythology around me. Problem was I could not stand being a hypocrite any more. Another problem was that I was bitterly unhappy. Graduate school at BYU was more than I could stand anymore, I tired the U for a brief while, Then I got accepted by USC's film school. I was so very happy to be there and away from SLC! And them I realized I was a better person away from the church -- all the judgement that Mormons have of "gentiles" is, well, wicked.
That's the unspoken separation between us and them.
We've given up families, friends and a tribe out of discomfort with life as a hypocrite and a lifetime of promulgating what we know is a lie.
It's much easier to understand a TBM than to respect the choice of a NOM. Which is our growth challenge. It's one thing to claim tolerance, but can you tolerate that?