They've got it backwards. Group of four boys, all but one know me & DH well, and it's happened twice, both Mormon households. "they can come in, but you can't - buh bye." After son came home crying, I went to the house to see what was up and met the dad - classic RM, and the rule did indeed come down from him. WTF? Dude, I live almost around the corner from you, I'm f'n right here, why don't you come meet me? I told him that, minus the cussing. Blank look.

I've never run into this before. Hospitality? Not so much! What the hell does he have to fear from my cute little 10-yr-old? The kids know him from school.

What the hell is wrong with people?

So is this a mormon thing?

I don't know if it is or not, but I am sure gonna use it if the missionaries or any other cultists drop by.

It's a rude, elistist, ignorant thing.

Sounds Mormon to me...

Has the one little boy (the child of the parents who didn't know you) been in your house before this?

I don't think this is just a Mormon thing. It is not very nice to be playing with someone outside and then everybody ditch a person because the parents haven't been introducd. :(

They all went in, Son got as far as the entryway, Daniel turned around and told him he had to go home. I was really mad. When I talked to the boy, he impressed me as a smarmy, smirking little shit, like father, like son. Father: knee-length shorts, Tshirt with sleeves, short, mission-style haircut, including the combed part on the side, insincere smile even while saying hurtful, exclusionary things, and hard eyes.

I know the other Mormon set of parents, although of course we've never been invited into their house - they will just stand in the driveway & talk, but seem outwardly friendly. I've known them 3 years, so am considering going to talk to them about this, since they've enacted this rule on 2 of my son's friends when they were with him. I want to ask where this comes from, since I've never encountered it before. It's backward, and the boys' feelings were hurt.

It's not Mormon it's Victorian, and it's elitist BS.

No it's not a Mormon thing, it's a modern-effed-up-world thing.

I'd say yes it sounds like a mormon thing.

I am a convert and many times I hear at church the little 'rules' TBM, or BIC or Utah import women in the stake have and because there is a competition for who has the most rules to look the most righteous, they are adopted by many. Problem is they just make people look fanatic or plain rude, like in the case of your son.

Good for you for walking to their house and giving him a piece of your mind.

Actually if it were a modern effed up world thing the parents would want to meet the kids and parents BEFORE they ever played together inside or outside.

So no, I go back to the elitest, jerk-off actions and I so wish I could be there when you ask them if this is a Mormon thing.

I don't think it is a Mormon thing. In fact, I have never heard of it. I have heard of parents who want to meet the other parents before they allow thier kids to go to another home. That seems reasonable, but this guy is being silly.

Sometimes I don't even know half the kids in my house.

I grew up near a major metropolis nowhere near Utar. The rule came from latchkey parenting back in the Stone Age. You know, when telephones were wired into the wall and such.

I'd bet it's a Mormon thing. I grew up in a Mormon neighborhood in California, and the kids next door - who I played with every day, who knew my parents for 15+ years - weren't allowed to spend the night for sleepovers because we weren't mormon. God forbid they caught some Jewish cooties in the middle of the night.

My SIL usually just wanted to ensure that the parent knew where the kid was. She would call the parent and say, "Hello, this is Mary Smith, and your son is visiting my son at our home. Is that okay? When do you need him home for dinner?" Voila, the two parents now know each other.

Serena, what the RM said sounds like code, for, "We need to know the parents from church." Not very nice. I would suggest inviting the parents over for dinner, but somehow I don't think that will help.

Ahh,the sleepover thingy.


Mormons don't want their kids introduced to or influenced by other religions.
Yet they see no problem with their missionaries showing up and bugging people endlessly to join their little cult.

I'm not super young, almost 37, & I've seen both sets of rules go down for different reasons my entire life - parents who were being somewhat cautious to parents who were being controlling, & then parents who while responsible trusted their kids to parents who were wishy-washy & irresponsible.

So if I want to check with parents about whether a child has a medical condition (epilepsy etc) or allergy before allowing them to play here then I'm elitest?

I don't know if it's a Mormon thing but I'd be really uncomfortable with a random kid at my house and not knowing if there are things I need to be on the look out for.

It's not that hard. 4th & 5th graders are usually able to express themselves pretty well by this age, and are aware if they have a medical condition you should be aware of.

Duh.

My friends daughter was playing at her house with a kid down the street, daughter decided to go in to get something to drink and invited the boy inside, he told her that he was not allowed in the house, he said "I'm not allowed to go into your house because my mom doesn't like your family because they don't go to church."
Kids don't learn this crap on their own...

As a parent, I was first concerned about meeting the kids my kids were playing with. If it came to sleep overs, my kid at their house or their kid at my house, then I wanted to meet the parents or at least talk to them over the phone.

I've never heard of kids not playing because parents haven't met, but coming from mormons, it seems like something they would come up with.

He might be paranoid about liability issues, but he could solve that problem by having the kid call you and then putting the parent on. That way you could be sure it was okay.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/17/2012 07:34PM by bona dea.

It's not just a Mormon thing. It's an overprotective helicopter parent thing,

I have non-mo friends who won't let their kids play with or go to homes of kids whose parents they don't "know". I've questioned them on their logic about this, because, as we all know, some of the nastiest kids come from the seemingly nicest homes/parents (as in, Romney bullying blind teachers and gay kids), and vice versa.

They can't explain what priceless information they can expect to gather about their kids' playmates by chatting a few minutes with the kids' parents (do they expect the bad ones to show up at the door with porn in one hand and a bong in the other??); they just claim they "feel better" about things that way.

I'll meet the parents. Will I get a special "feeling?". Maybe not. But whoever meets me will surely get a sense about me.

My teenage sister encountered this recently. She has a nevermo friend who she has known since kindergarten, been to every birthday party together, same classes growing up etc. She is allowed to go over to her house, but our mom won't let her sleepover at her nevermo friend's house because "they don't have the same values as we do" Her parents are Christians, contribute to the community, do volunteer work and her mom is a teacher. Yeah, real wild family there...

I don't think everyone is fully understanding issue. Her son was not LET IN another person's house because the parents of the house to which he was refused entry didn't know her.

It is one thing to not let your child go into the home of another without meeting the parents first.

It is quite another thing to REFUSE ENTRANCE to one child, especially when you are letting in others from the group, simply because you don't know the parents.

RM dad could have said, "Come on in...how 'bout I walk around the corner to meet your parents and tell them where you are?"

A decent person would have done that.

I agree with those who said it's a Mormon thing. It's exclusionary behavior. Mormons tend to be exclusionary.

Agreed. I might be concerned that the parents not know where he is or whatever, but how hard is it to say, "Honey, let's call your mom and see if it is okay for you to be here."? Even that is being a bit overprotective, IMO, unless the child is really little or you have reason to think there might be a problem.If there is a group of kids, it isn't likely that you are going to be charged with molesting the kid or giving hi drugs or whatever.

There is a small tidbit of wisdom in it, made trivial by technology. By that, the problem confronted can be handled simply with the words, "Sure, but let us call your parents first, so they know where you are and with whom." If it is still a problem past that point, then yeah, elitist.

a reflection of society in general. Letting other people's kids into your home, hell, any contact with kids, creates the possibility of liability. This is mitigated somewhat by knowing who you are dealing with.

I agree with you these people didn't handle things well. They were inhospitable; there was no reason to hurt your boy's feelings. They could have just requested that all of the boys stay outside or, better yet, they could have come over and met you. But I really can't blame them for not wanting unknown kids in their house.

1st you try to correct the problem, & if its serious enough, unresolvable, then you send the kid home. You sound like you're afraid of children.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/18/2012 10:03PM by serena.

Well, he's not inviting random kids into his home. I'd rather see some "afraid" of children than someone seeking them out. There are sex offenders and pedophiles everywhere.

Frankly this is an opportunity for your son to learn how much most Mormons suck at being friends. Let this be a subtle, anti-lds learning experience. The sooner he learns that Mormons can not allow themselves to be true friends, the better protected he is from their cult.

My ultra TBM ex-wife governed our children like your neighbours: no access to our home without an interview. Superficial access only in public (because we can't banish you from public areas, but would if/when? they control the world).

Unless the other family was LDS, my Mrs. would grill other parents about every standard in their home.

The greatest shock to my wife was when TBM parents were more liberal or trusting of their youth that she could ever conceive. Once our son borrowed a CD from another youth. My wife marches over to their home to return the "offensive" CD. ("IUf this is what is on the cover, I can only imagine what the devil has inside.")

My wife hands the CD to the other boy's father at the door. The father says, "Sean, I guess this is yours."

My wife was into shock. "He just handed that disgusting CD to his son. And he is in the bishopric!"

"Some parents give thier youth some latitude in their cultural choices," says I.

"Silly people," mutters wife.

I Don't have kids et so i'm looking at it from the past and future perspective. I grew up in Utah County and Laie, HI, with a brief stint in Fresno, CA. In both Utah County and Laie, almost everyone was LDS. In Fresno, only one other family in our neighborhood was. Regardless, we were in and out of each others' houses all day in the summer,

I'm 28, but society has changed fundamentally even in the 20 or so years since i was a kid. Where I could have the run of my neighborhood as soon as I was old enough to stay out of traffic or out of the Pacific without an adult, I can't see giving my future children that kind of freedom even at the age of 11 or 12.

I identify with the posters who have said that they were very particular about whose homes their children enter but not so picky about what children come into their own homes. I'm much more afraid of the things that go on when neither I nor my wife can be there to keep an eye on things.