For reasons I can not explain, just know that my birthday sucked, big time! And, I deserved (just like each of you) to have a celebration for all the crap I do for everyone else and how hard this life is...I deserved one special day. But, as usual I tried my best to put it behind me and be understanding of all those that did absolutely NOTHING to help lift me up except (and here's the ironic part) for you strangers that I turn to for the support I should have in my "real" life (vs. my cyber life).

So, imagine my delight when a friend from "home" sent me a lovely big package with a beautiful gift and what I thought was going to be her usual funny helful long letter that I would enjoy reading over and over again. We've been friends for over 25 years.

The letter was inside a sweet birthday card (big smile on my face) and then I read it.

It was a self proclaimed "LETTER of LOVE." Those are her words not mine!

I am so out-of-my-mind with sadness and anger right now that I can hardly share what was in the letter...may be just one line...(in italics)

"First of all I am not lecturing you or telling you what to do."

The packed 3-page letter included her lecturing me and telling me exactly what to do...including a classic phrase "we are told the importance of church attendance."

I cannot take much more of such hard work, so many let downs and so few pay-offs.

Please, IF YOU RESPOND, resist with all your might in wishing me a happy birthday---that ship has sailed and I might just pinch your head off!!!!!

Thanks for reading.
~ChrisDeanna

Arggggggg!

What a disappointment to think it is the one bright spot and then it turns into a huge dark spot.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/26/2012 07:54PM by bc.

One thing you might consider doing is write a really nasty letter to your friend. Tell her how annoyed and pissed you are and how much it hurt. Don't filter anything!

Then tear it up and either write a polite response of why you found her letter hurtful or just send a thank you note.

No. Send her a letter starting out that you don't intend to be "Nasty, pissed off or annoyed". Then ream her a new one.

I'm so sorry. You have every right to be upset and disappointed. You should have received a better birthday than that.

Chris- I am sorry your b-day sucked. Now if only the "letter of love" actually had been so instead of how can I make myself better by trying to bring someone back to activity...how great shall be her joy...

I am new to the site so what I have to say may not mean much, but from what I can tell you are a great person, you are here sharing a real life story to show that every body has crap to deal with instead of a here is another faith promoting read your scriptures and pray and be happy story.

I hope that your day/week/year gets better...and don't forget to take care of yourself among all of your hard work for others.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/26/2012 04:08PM by absolutelyunsure.

Wow.

That was worse than my day-that-shall-not-be-named last saturday, and I spent the day nervously cleaning and scrubbing everything in site while DH was at the hospital getting an MRI...

Mormons are interesting. They think that by saying "I'm not going to do X" they have given themselves the green light to do X.

In fact, I'm livid on your behalf about the way you were manipulated on what should have been a great day, by someone who should be loving and supportive. You deserve better.

I'm sorry your special day turned out poorly. Happy birthday to you, and hope the next one is better!

Aaron you'd better reread her post and edit yours or your life is forfeit!

I remember there used to be a company that delivered dog turds all wrapped up festive and special like. I think they had to close for health and safety reasons which is too bad because that could have been a service I think you could use right about now!

send her a letter back with bullets stating the top ten reason why you left and that you want to live a realistic life based on facts backed up by history and science... not covered up history and evoked by fear. I would be livid if a friend did that to me... that is a horrible birthday story-I'm sorry!. Once you leave Mormonism you find out who your true friends are... I lost all of mine cause they put the church first. It's totally sick!

Fuck birthdays.

How's that? :)

Really, really sorry. What a dipsh*t to use an occasion such as your birthday to preach religion. That's what a cult does. Normal people take a break from serious things and just celebrate YOU. That's a pretty Christlike thing to do, at least. But no... Mormons suck at life. Well, at least many do.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/26/2012 06:29PM by flyboy21.

You can leave them, but they just can't leave you alone.

+1

I get what you are saying on the B-Day part. My last one was a non-event too which I found annoying considering what I do for their B-Days. Sooo, I casually mentioned in the subsequent weeks how they could expect about the same amount of thought and effort on their next B-day. I'm actually okay with not making a big deal out of b-days but what I don't like is having to make theirs a big deal and then being treated like it doesn't matter.

Fortunately I haven't gotten a letter like you did. Yet. I did have my sister telling me what super awesome powers stan had and how easily he could trick people. (Not so subtle hint that "people" meant me.) Don't worry though, she got it back about how all the belief in the world doesn't make santa real and how simple minded and credulous some people are.

Pack it all up. Mail it or deliver it to your friend with a note.

"Start over"

They'll get it.

All:

Thank you! And, I know Aaron Hines meant well but BC had my back (I laughed out loud!)

All of you whose stories I have read and lessons I have learned from you mean a lot to me. Thank you for your comments and support.

TO: R.J, Do you mean "fanny" in the British way?! It might be more effective.

Still livid but feeling a bit better.

I love you guys!
~ChrisDeanna

Phew I'm glad I was able to diffuse the situation - I was picturing Aaron being decapitated by pinching. :)

I originally wished you a bad unbirthday but you were just upset enough I wasn't sure if you would find in funny or not...

It would have sucked to get that letter on ANY day.

Maybe you need to make yourself feel a little better. Find a way to pamper yourself, since OTHER people apparently don't get it.

I don't even know what to say. How do you even respond to something like that? Ignore? Burn? Return and say "no thanks" to the advice?

One thing I can say is that I said some stupid things as a TBM, thinking I was doing someone a favor by warning them they were jeopardizing their salvation. I'm so embarrassed. (Our friendship became more distant, BTW . . . I WONDER why) . . .

I'm so incredibly sorry. What a bummer of a birthday.

A simple, direct, "Go Fuck Yourself" is the quickest way to ease the pain. It works in all situations.

I gave up the b-day a long time ago because they always left me disappointed. If people want to appeciate me then they may do so on that day. Otherwise.....Sorry that you had to hear from somebody who had to insert their judgement for your own.
Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Hey, my 44th was a bit like that. Beer helps. I recommend pale ales.

On another note, along with the bucket list you have, you should start a f&$k it list and put your "friend" on it. :/

If you want a nice birthday, give one to yourself.
Why wait for others to do it.

Treat yourself to a nice lunch, buy or send yourself flowers, go down to Macy's and buy yourself jewelry and/or cologne - and charge it all your husband.

Whoa, with a friend like that to rip out your heart, who needs that chanting guy in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" to do it?

What she did to you sucks. No excuse. Glad the board is helping you feel a bit better. I'd have been devastated, too.

Aargh. Okay, here's how I would respond --

Dear Friend, I'm glad for your sake that your religion brings you happiness. As for me, I'm not really into it anymore. Sadly, your letter reminded me why.

But the gift was lovely. Thank you for that. :-)"


Oh, and a very happy (belated) <mumble, mumble, mumble.>

Tomorrow will be better. It has to be.

I once had an event like that.

I was telling another friend about it. She just smiled and said oh, You mean they said Happy F%#k You!

Yep, that was it. That's what they said.

I'm sorry your birthday sucked.... That was a terrible thing for your friend to do. I hope you write her back, responding in detail to her letter, starting with how ridiculous it is to start a letter "First of all I am not lecturing you or telling you what to do." and then proceed to do just that. It is judgemental, condescending and insulting. Many mormons think they are doing you a favor, and need to be told otherwise. She should not feel good about "doing her duty" and "helping you" when in reality it was devastating for you.

I'm glad you're at RfM. It's good to see you. I hope you have a better Irthday.

Am I the only one who wants to know what was in the package?
I suppose for your friend she meant it to be a caring letter but her head is messed up so she thinks certain things are important when we know they are not.