So i've been trying to figure out where to go next. Last november I "left." My wife is still "in." I have been slowly helping her understand me, and she is slowly becoming more accepting of what i'm doing while at the same time refusing to look at anything herself. I have great desires to change a few things in our lifestyle but it would only work if she was with me, ... for example there are a few movies I would watch except that I don't watch movies without her. I would love to try beer and wine and explore the flavor depths, I have been going slow on this one mostly so as to not scare my wife away.

I'm not sure where to go. After leaving I have had a very strong drive to find myself, that part that was stuffed under the table when I was trying to live "right." I have two friends with whom we have started a bible study, a strong catholic and an evangelical free who is attending a baptist church right now. I was hoping to find insight by looking at things from a few different perspectives. We had our first meeting this last week and what I'm realizing is that i'm more interested in defining things from within me rather than from historical doctrine, ... that is to say I don't want to find rules from a book, I want to find God within me. That surprised me to find that I might not agree with christianity as a defined need. I currently believe in a "God," but I'm figuring out what that believe even means.

I drew for my wife two triangles crossing each other at the points. One triangle is us and the other is God, and to find God you have to delve into the center of yourself. That to me seems to exclude any external anything, all commandments would come from within. I'm slightly afraid that my current view is a rebound from feeling oppressed from external religion.

Anyway, I always used to be intrigued with historical bible studies, I feel like they don't relate now. I'm feeling more separated from my friends and family because I none of them understand my "spirituality."

Anyway, after that rambling all I want is for my wife to come with me on my spiritual journey away from the church and towards "God"

Maybe try reading "Living Buddha, Living Christ" by Thich Nhat Hanh. I really enjoyed it. While it does stretch both Christianity and Buddhism a bit to make them fit together, it's a decent read.

If you're not yet ready to leave Christianity, I'd recommend giving "Shamanic Christianity" by Bradford Keeney. It's alternative ways to get in touch with the self and God in a mix of shamanic practice and Christian belief.

I just picked up a book at the thrift store about a man who decides to experiment by living like Jesus for one year. It is fasinating. The book is actually called " THe Year Of Living Like Jesus...My Journey of Discovering What Jesus Would Really Do" by Ed Dobson."

There is also a growing movement of people who leave the organized or Non-denom. churches in favor of simple home churches that are refered to as "Un-Churching". It is similar to a small group, but it seems so much more fulfilling in that you as a group can decide how to apply Biblical principles and not have a governing church tell you what that passage of scripture should mean to you.

We are un-schoolers and we really do like our Non-demon because it is so much more open and they don't have set rules of what religion you are they just focus on Jesus and loving, that is it. So while we are living in this area we will just keep attending that group. It is pretty small and there are not any politics going on.

You're on the right path, with the mindset needed to find your way. It IS ALL about going within yourself, with no external, man-made dogma or beliefs. Only by following your intuition as well as your heart will you be able to find YOUR path, the one that's right for you. This is self-realization.

I would advise to stay away from any organized church for awhile. Free your mind and soul from outside control. I devoured dozens of books and tons of Internet information, reading about ALL spiritual paths, then choosing those beliefs that resonated with my soul. When you reach that place where you feel comfortable with your knowledge and experiences, you will probably want to find a community (or even church) of likeminded believers. Having the love, guidance and support of others is crucial. It gets really lonely being a "church of one"! I find that the smaller the congregation the better; more real, authentic people.

PS - I really enjoyed the Conversations With God books. They helped me deprogram my brain and see the Mormon god for what he really was--an imposter. If you want to learn about a more authentic Christ, try "Son of Man" by Andrew Harvey.