Uugh. I read a post a few days ago here and it knocked me off my rocker. It had to do with the ignorant, and bigoted remarks from Spencer W. Kimball about chosing a partner and I had either never heard them or had not heard them after having the veil of falsehood removed. (Thank dog for that)!

This is one of the links that was given:

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=1f4fa41f6cc20110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=198bf4b13819d110VgnVCM1000003a94610aRCRD

This is what SWK says and is supposed to be taught in the Aaronic priesthood lesson:

“We recommend that people marry those who are of the same racial background generally, and of somewhat the same economic and social and educational background (some of those are not an absolute necessity, but preferred), and above all, the same religious background, without question” (“Marriage and Divorce,” in 1976 Devotional Speeches of the Year [Provo: Brigham Young University Press, 1977], p. 144).

I am so shocked, it makes me sick. My husband and I are from different religious backgrounds. So obviously, I committed the "above-all sin". Of course I knew that it was frowned upon to not get married in the temple or at least brain wash and have speedily had him dunked within reasonably short time followed by a special secret-ceiling;) but I didn't know that words like these can still be found today in current teaching manuals!?!

Here I'd put my entire focus on ranting about gay discrimination to my tbm family and the church still has a closet full of overflowing baggage. These are things that I cannot shut-up about or I feel like I make myself a conspirator. Is this wrong? Am I overreacting and should I stuff a fist in my mouth?

Dog, am I glad I am out!!!! If I hadn't resigned yet, I'd do it today!!!!

That's correct.

The rich need to marry the rich.

The Spanish should marry the Spanish.

etc.

You should read the lesson on Faith. President Monson told the missionary to have faith and thrown his canes away and WALK! LOL And he did. Reminds me of the faith healers on TV.

Yeah this is why all us exmos have so much to get over. You don't even realize how bad this stuff is until you look at it with the rosy glasses off. My last calling was deacons quorum advisor so I even taught a lot of this sh1t

that straights should marry each other and gays should marry each other--A definite recipe for disaster.

Been there, done that.

I'm with someone Jewish (convert) now--and we seem to be doing just fine after almost 8 years.

He is wealthier than I am and, still, we seem to be doing just fine.

BI Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------


> ike I make myself a conspirator. Is this
> wrong? Am I overreacting and should I stuff a
> fist in my mouth?

Perhaps your fist should be stuffed in a mouth, not necessarily your mouth.



> Dog, am I glad I am out!!!! If I hadn't resigned
> yet, I'd do it today!!!!

If it makes you happy, then why not do it again!
LDS INC dead baptized Hitler several times. THey let people get rebaptized. If you feel like doubling up on your resignation then go for it. IF LDS Inc has a problem with it, too bad for them !

It would be fun if the priesthood teacher through the handbook in the trash and begun to talk about what really works: beginning with sexual compatibility!

exactly!

...mormon royalty should marry mormon royalty....

Exactly.

My fiance is jewish, I don't believe. He's white, I'm mixed race (jamaican/maltese). He's American, I'm British. He and his parents work in finance/stocks/property, my family background literally could not be any more different. The list could go on. I love our differences! I learn things from him ALL the time, and he does the same. We couldn't get along better.

I'm 98% sure if I hadn't left when I did I'd be engaged/married to some boring morgbot, now that would be a recipe for divorce.

but when given under the authority of a controlling church's leadership, it becomes destructive. Because it elevates that advice to "God's Rules" status.

Sure, people should usually marry those compatible to them. Usually that includes those of similar backgrounds, and similar goals in life.

But when two people love each other, knowing and appreciating, and even celebrating their differences, NOBODY should be judging their relationship because of race or other differences. Adults get to pick their own partners.

The problem with the LDS church, is that it has way too much to say about EVERY aspect of a person's life. And it's all laced with guilt and fear.

That's right. Marry someone who is exaclty like you so you never learn from different perspectives or background. This is so you can never grow as a person... just look for comforts!

You've gotta admit...

The advice not to marry a non Mormon is pretty good. No point subjecting an innocent victim to your cult.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/11/2012 12:53PM by bc.

Bahahahaha! ROFLMAO!

We read that recently too. It is outrageous. Our sons have been taught that and we had no idea. Our oldest (very Irish looking) married someone of Latino descent. It's highly offensive, to say the least.

The apologists are ridiculous on this. They say it's not a commandment, just a recommendation. Can they even hear themselves. There's no defense for that statement. It's just plain wrong, and yet still in the manuals.

I've been married twice.....once to someone of similar background/race/economic status/religion and once to someone very different from me. I can say from my experience that there are very REAL challenges to trying to mesh with someone from another culture. I have been married many, many years and still it rubs me the wrong way that we have to check with mama on things that really shouldn't be her call or that we have to send mama money when she wants money because that is the way it's done in my spouse's culture. I had the misfortune of losing a much-wanted baby at the same time my MIL was having some crisis and also needed support from my husband. Her needs for his support easily trumped my need for support and he was on a plane to help her as soon as he hung up the phone, leaving me to wait for whatever he had left over once he solved her crisis. This is not cause he's a rotten human being....in his culture the mother is just flat-out more important than anyone else in your life, including your wife and your own kids. So I would say that maybe it's not all bad advice. It's hard to avoid disagreements when you are from such different cultural backgrounds (which can include prominent financial, racial, religious features). However, I agree with those who have pointed out that when it comes from a "prophet" it sounds like a commandment not a suggestion (even if he says it's a "suggestion").

As difficult as some of our differences have been, this is a fairy tale marriage compared to the brief one I had in which I followed all the advice listed by SWK and married someone of similar background and religion who also just happened to be a sadistic jerk. I hate to say it, but part of successfully picking a partner is not marrying them in a hurry before you know them well enough so that when you have sex it won't be a "sin," (been there done that) and the other part of ending up with a good partner is luck.

It's the advice not to marry interracially and not to cross economic classes that bothers me.

what ethnic background is your husband? I married someone from a similar background although luckily he and his family don't roll that way mostly, i almost married someone who did though.

Anyway it's true there are more challenges marrying someone of a different CULTURE not race, I did marry someone different to me and we have had challenges, but it's not been because of the race thing, it was more the fact of losing his mum at a young age and abuse etc.

I did however date other guys of different cultures where the differences were just too great, and caused many problems. (women's place, you marry them you marry his family, send money back home for whatever an aunty's cussies step-sons wedding or whatever! list goes on) No thanks!

I wouldn't even worry or pay any attention to what SWK or other church leaders say on this subject. They are no wiser than most 70 or 80 year old white men. They just wear suits and get to pontificate on the imponderables...

This quote from Kimball, and Ezra Taft Benson's statement that “‘Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price” (“Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 4) are the worst marriage advice ever.
My first husband was of the same racial and religious background, and he believed that any righteous LDS man and woman could have a successful marriage. It was a disaster. My current husband is from a different racial and religious background, and we believe that we are soul mates. No one could ever replace him in my life, and I know that he feels the same way about me.
Kimball and Benson are preaching conformity instead of freedom. It's about marrying a 'type' instead of an individual, filling the predetermined roles instead of living an authentic life. It's about creating a Stepford Wives society. I feel sorry for the people who listen to their advice.

The advice in and of itself isn't necessarily bad. People coming from different cultural and religious background have different experiences and expectations that can cause friction in the marriage. The same with those who are of different financial and educational background. (As a child of a mixed marriage, I have some perspective on this.)

The problem is the way it presents these suggestions as being "the best" circumstances.

People of different backgrounds can have as good of a marriage as those who have similar. It's a matter of the people involved.

Basic Manual for Women, Part A:

As mothers, we can help our children see the importance of temple marriage. We can teach them to have faith in God. We should encourage our daughters to seek good husbands who will lead them righteously through the power of the priesthood. A man of God is a great comfort to his wife, especially during life’s troubles and trials. It is also important to teach our sons to look for good, worthy wives who will support them in the Church and teach true principles to their children.

One young lady from Central America felt she was very much in love with a man who was not a member of the Church. She had tried to introduce the gospel to him, but he was not interested. She was about to commit herself to marry him when she received a long-distance call from some close friends. They stressed the importance of going through life linked to a man who would support her through trials and take her with him to exaltation beyond the grave. She listened, carefully considering the consequences of her decision. The encouragement was enough to help her decide not to marry this man. She was very grateful because she later found a man who was worthy to take her to the temple.

• What should we teach our children to look for when selecting a mate?

Duh! Temple worthiness! Forget actually liking the dude.