Seems like this is quite the heated topic, for lots of good reasons. Maybe it would be interesting to reduce it to a percentage, just as a thought experiment. In no way am I suggesting this isn't perhaps one of the major horrendous issues that most of us face on an ongoing basis, maybe beyond any resolution. I was trying to decide for myself as I read various threads, and thought I'd throw it out there.

75% parents/family
15% church
5% bad luck

At least at this particular moment. I think my percentages change with events. After a nightmare call with my parents, I'd raise their percentage. After another article on morg finances and political scumminess, I'd raise the morg percentages.

My life was saved by TBMs, so that has a lot to do with why I blame my parents by far. The morg doesn't guarantee people will suck, but I think it makes suckier people even more sucky. That would be my parents and large chunks of my extended family. I won't let them off the hook, they always had other choices regardless of the morg. There have always been a small number of TBM's in my life who were wonderful people despite the morg, not sure how, but they did it.

Do you mean who do we blame for being members? Or who do we blame for continued bad experiences after we leave? Or . . . something else?

Good question. I should have said parents/family. I think maybe it would be for the whole experience, as it seems TBM family is a major source of ongoing misery for many people, it certainly is for me.

My percentage is based on who I blame for my own crap church experience as BIC, and for the ongoing misery the morg causes me in the form of my family. These are the people who vote and act as they do, so I still hold them accountable, even if they are just 'obeying'. No bishop is holding a gun to their heads, they still have choices. They make the wrong ones, with me and with the world they live in. I know not everybody feels that way, the issue seems to be a constant one here. That's why I was thinking it might be interesting if we were tried to think about it in terms of a percentage. Maybe not.

Edit: I certainly hold myself responsible as well, but I'm leaving that out this time. It adds another dimension that seems to also provoke a lot of intense posting here. That one is more complicated because of age, at least IMHO. My accountability and responsibility for my own suffering came later in my life, and of course eventually I acted to end my suffering, thankfully.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/11/2012 09:28PM by popolvuh.

I'm going to answer this in terms of what stuff I have to recover from, and although I'm a person who often speaks of percentages, I can't do it on this question, because church and family was SO intertwined.

I'd say the large majority of the blame goes to church for:
-damaging doctrine, systematic brainwashing, and the cultural conditioning of guilt and fear, coupled with social pressure and lack of boundaries.

But a fair amount of blame goes to family for a culture of emotional control, micromanagement, and conditional acceptance that blended perfectly with the church culture, and possibly grew out of it. I don't blame my parents for raising us in the church. They were true believers, raised by true believing parents. They were victims, too. But there was never any doubt that acceptance was based on obedience to the family rules and church rules.


Dumb luck? I'm going with 20% Honestly, I consider myself LUCKY that it was Mormonism. Had it been Scientology, I might not have gotten out. And if I'd been born into something benign, like Presbyterianism, I would have been content to stay religious. Mormonism led me to questioning EVERYTHING, and that has been a good thing.

As far as who I blame because of all the crap I've had to muddle through...

55% The Church
25% My parents/family--mostly they're victims of TSCC too, they just don't realize it
20% Myself--for not seeing through it sooner and for reacting poorly to an already bad situation

The church 50%

My parents 50%

The church for me includes polygamy groups.