I read RFM everyday but barely post. When I read this, however, I had to share. After an exciting week at (mis)Education Week, my MIL sent this out to all her children. How would you update this resume?

Joseph Smith

Nauvoo, Illinois



Age

38 years old



Education

Three years public school education

Attended seminars taught by: God the Father, Jesus Christ, Moroni, John the Baptist, Peter, James, John, Adam, Eve, Paul, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Elijah, Enoch, Nephi, Alma, Mormon etc. – Visited and taught by at least 58 great leaders from the past

Established School of the Prophets (1832) – one of first schools in America for adult education

Established University of Nauvoo (1841) - among the first municipal universities in U.S.



Publications

Book of Mormon (1830) Palmyra, New York: E.B. Grandin – finished in 63 working days

Book of Commandments (1833) Independence, Missouri: W.W. Phelps & Co.

Doctrine and Covenants (1835) Ohio: Latter Day Saints

Pearl of Great Price (1851) Liverpool, England: Franklin D. Richards

Book of Moses (1830)

Book of Abraham (1835-42)

Matthew 24

Writing of Joseph Smith

The Articles of Faith

Record of John--extract (1829)

Inspired Translation of the Bible (1830-33)

History of Church (DHC) 7 vol. (1842) Times and Seasons

Articles of Faith

Newspaper Articles: The Evening and the Morning Star; Messenger and Advocate; Wasp; Nauvoo Neighbor; Times and Seasons; The Chicago Democrat

* Combined published translations and writings about the equivalent of entire Old Testament



Public Speaker

Hundreds of talks - various states – Canada

Traveled to Washington, D.C., to present to Congress redress petitions for Missouri grievances

Met with both President Martin Van Buren (29 Nov. 1839) and members of the US Congress

King Follett Address - 3 hour talk with no notes

Able to quote large passages to audiences (D&C 76; D&C 132 etc.) verbatim with no notes



Church Organization

Aaronic Priesthood (1829)

Melchizedek Priesthood (1829)

Organized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (April 6, 1830)

Grew from 6 original members to 26,146 in 1844

Presiding Councils:

Bishop (1830)

First Presidency (1833)

Patriarch (1833)

High Council (1834)

Council of Twelve (1835)

Council of Seventy (1835)

Quorums and Officers:

Quorum size and organization (D&C 20, 107)

Duties of elders, priest, teachers, and deacons (D&C 20)

Requirements for Church admission (D&C 20)

Duties of Members (D&C 20, 107)

Home Teaching Program (D&C 20)

Blessing of Children (D&C 20)

Sacramental Prayers (D&C 20)

Judicial System (D&C 42, 68, 107)

Gathering of Israel (1836)

Gospel of Abraham (1836)

Stake and Ward Organization

Stake - Kirtland Ohio and Nauvoo, Illinois

Ward - Nauvoo, Illinois

Sealing Keys (1836)



Religious Philosopher and Teacher

Nature of the Godhead

New concept of the nature of man

Man’s relationship to God

Pre-mortal existence

Sinlessness of little children

Eternal nature of marriage

Eternal nature of families

Future kingdoms with and without glory

Immortality of the soul

Concept of eternal progression

Baptism for the dead

Patriarchal Blessings



Missionary Activity/Gathering of Israel

Started formal missionary work in 1830

Personal missionary work in: New York, Ohio, Missouri, Illinois, Massachusetts, Upper Canada,

Pennsylvania, Michigan and Washington D.C.

Sent missionaries at great personal sacrifice throughout US, Canada, England, Europe and Islands of Sea (Polynesian) at their own expense

Gathered many thousands from throughout the American continent and Europe

Sent Apostle Orson Hyde to dedicate Holy Land

By 1844 there were 26,146 members of the church because of these efforts



City Planner/Colonizer

New York - settlement

Ohio - laid out city for Saints

Missouri - laid out several cities (city of Zion, Farr West, etc.)

Illinois - laid out Nauvoo - largest city in state - 18,000 - built entire city in 5 years

Rocky Mountains - directed Brigham Young to take the Saints to the west – basic city design for Zion used to lay out approximately 380 towns throughout the west



Business and Economic Affairs

Consecration and Stewardship

United Order

Tithing

Welfare System

Merchandise store

Nauvoo House

Kirtland Safety Society



Newspaper Publisher

The Evening and Morning Star (Independence, Mo. 1832/33, and Kirtland, Ohio 1833/34)

Messenger and Advocate (Kirtland, Ohio 1834 - 1837)

Wasp (Nauvoo, Illinois 1842 - 1843)

Times and Seasons (Nauvoo, Illinois (1839 - 1846)

Managing editor of Times and Seasons

Nauvoo Neighbor (Nauvoo, Illinois 1843 - 1845)



General Contractor/Architect Assistant

Kirtland Temple - Kirtland, Ohio

Nauvoo House - Nauvoo, Illinois

Red Brick Store - Nauvoo, Illinois

Mansion House - Nauvoo, Illinois

Nauvoo Temple - Nauvoo, Illinois



Temple Builder

Established the true purpose of temples

Ordinances for the living and dead:

Baptism for the dead

Washings and anointing

Temple endowments

Sealing of couples and families

Site selected and dedicated for temple in Independence, Mo. (1831)

Kirtland Temple (1836)

Site selected and dedicated for temple in Far West, Mo. (1837)

Nauvoo Temple – nearly complete



Languages

Studied Hebrew, German, Egyptian and Reformed Egyptian



Genealogical Program

Introduced the principles of record keeping and family genealogy

Emphasized the absolute importance of family history work (D&C 127, 128)



Military Leader

Established pattern for and led Zion’s camp; later used in exodus to Utah

Lieutenant General of Nauvoo Legion - commanded 5,000 uniformed men

Led the best equipped militia in the state of Illinois



Public Service

City councilman: Nauvoo, Illinois

Mayor: Nauvoo, Illinois

Candidate for President of the United States in 1844 - platform included:

Territorial expansion

Liberation of slaves

National banking system

Prison reform

Merchant

Began operating a general store in Nauvoo known as the Red Brick Store (1841)

Mansion House (Hotel) – (1843)



Visionary

Predicts Civil War (D&C 87)

Predicts Stephen Douglas will aspire to be president of the United States and will lose if he turns on the Church – lost to Abraham Lincoln when he turned on church

Predicts the Saints will be driven from Nauvoo and become a mighty people in the Rocky Mountains and from there the gospel would be taken to the Lamanites.

Predicts nothing will stop the gospel message from sweeping every country and sounding in every ear.

Predicts: "In the great cities, as Boston, New York, etc., there shall be stakes" (HC, 6, p. 319.)

Identified the location of the Garden of Eden etc.

Dietician

Announces a revolutionary diet called the Word of Wisdom (1833)

This diet has been endorsed by scholars at universities worldwide



Women’s Rights Activist

Organized the Relief Society Organization, 1842



Scientist

Indestructibility of matter (DHC 6:308-9)

No immaterial matter; spirit is pure and refined element (D&C 131:7-8)

Truth is light and spirit (D&C 84:6-18; 93:29-30)

Knowledge of the planetary system (D&C 88:43-44; 130:4-6; Abraham 1:31; 3:5-17)



Historian

Discovered origin of and wrote history of American aborigines

Origin of writing and record keeping (Moses 6:5, 6, 46)

Journal Keeper – Left behind an extensive history of his own life and that of the Church



Honors

Voted one of top 100 most influential people in American History (Atlantic Magazine, Dec. 2006)

Founded, “America's most famous homegrown faith" (Atlantic Magazine, Dec. 2006)

Founded one of the fastest growing churches in the world

Translated book that is an international best seller



Letters of Recommendation



Mary Alice Lambert: "The love the Saints had for him was inexpressible. They would willingly have laid down their lives for him. If he were to talk, every task would be laid aside that they might listen to his words. He was not an ordinary man. Saints and sinners alike felt and recognized a power and influence which he carried with him. It was impossible to meet him and not be impressed by the strength of his personality and influence." (Young Woman's Journal, XVII, p. 544.)



Enoch E. Dodge: "Every Saint who knew him loved him, and would have been willing to lay down his life for him if it had been necessary." (Young Woman's Journal, XVII, p. 544.)



Wilford Woodruff: "No greater prophet than Joseph Smith ever lived on the face of the earth save Jesus Christ." (JD 21:317)



Brigham Young: “Who can justly say aught against Joseph Smith? I was as well acquainted with him as any man . I do not believe that his father and mother knew him any better than I did. I do not think that a man lives on the earth that knew him any better than I did; and I am bold to say that, Jesus Christ excepted, no better man ever lived or does live upon this earth. I am his witness.” (JD 9:332.)



John Taylor

"I was acquainted with Joseph Smith for years. I have traveled with him; I have been with him in private and in public; I have associated with him in councils of all kinds; I have listened hundreds of times to his public teachings, and his advice to his friends and associates of a more private nature. I have been at his house and seen his deportment in his family… I have seen him, then, under these various circumstances, and I testify before God, angels, and men, that he was a good, honorable, virtuous man—that his doctrines were good, scriptural, and wholesome—that his precepts were such as became a man of God—that his private and public character was unimpeachable—and that he lived and died as a man of God and a gentleman. This is my testimony. If it is disputed, bring me a good person authorized to receive an affidavit, and I will make one to this effect. I therefore testify of things which I know and of things which I have seen." (The Gospel Kingdom, 355.)



General Moses Wilson (Bitter Anti-Mormon): "He was a very remarkable man. I carried him into my house, a prisoner in chains, and in less than two hours my wife loved him better than she did me." (JD., XVII p. 92.)







Randal Wright

7401 West Slaughter Lane

Suite 5047

Austin, Texas 78739

I can't believe it mentions banking/Kirtland and speaking Egyptian for starters.

Resume padding has been around for quite a while it seems.

Glass looker
Peep stone reader
Treasure hunter
Married 32 times (never divorced)
Illegal banknote printer
Fugitive
Jail Breaker
32nd Degree Master Mason
Adulterer
Debunked Egyptologist
Author of several fictional works
Megalomaniac
Plagiarist
Pedophile

Forgot to mention...

Pedophile
Extortionist
Convicted criminal
Hypocrite
Hoaxster

Just to get the accuracy ball rolling. What else?

I snorted Skittles out of my nose when I read "Women's Rights Activist". That entry was short and sweet.

Well remember, he only married all those women to protect them from evil secular life ;)

Or at least that's what I was told.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Damn, I snorted out dinner!

I probably missed it, but was "banker" or "founder of the Kirtland Bank" mentioned?

Great resume, clearly written from his perspective!

Banking is mentioned. I think I might write the man who wrote this farce (His name is at the bottom) and include some of the items he left out. Where is there mention of his Council of 50? Before Leo in Titanic, Joseph Smith was the original "King of the World!"

He also failed to mention bartender and pimp! Oh ya, and there's The Danites.

In theater, they call this "padding your resume' "

They should discuss his vast ability to plagiarize and call it his own.

The Word of Wisdom from the Cold Water Army
Levels of heaven from Swedenborg
Progression of man from Dick
BoM from Spaulding
Temple bits from Masonry

It's a pretty long list.

Should have written at the bottom:

*Registered sex offender.

at the TOP. Then the rest can be dismissed.

Add:

Accomplished prevaracator.
Trickster.
Adulterer.

And oh, by the way, all that city planning, public speaking, language learning, etc. was being done in many places by many people.

You guys we need to refute this point by point with sources documented from their own historical documents and send it back out to them. How fun would that be?

General Moses Wilson (Bitter Anti-Mormon): "He was a very remarkable man. I carried him into my house, a prisoner in chains, and in less than two hours my wife loved him better than she did me." (JD., XVII p. 92.)

See -- Joseph was probably the greatest lover ever.

Not even chains could keep him away from Gen Moses's wife

And he received no help whatsoever from his highly educated cohorts Sidney Rigdon and Oliver Cowdery. Oh wait...

Proof that the mind on Mormonism knows no bounds for gullibility.

Scientist!!!???? Joseph!? Your mother in law may actually be a scientist.

I think she has discovered 'Elasticity of Reason'. She really should do a proper paper on it and submit it to the Cartoon Network.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/16/2012 12:22PM by blueorchid.

Hahaha. That was rich.

I'd add HOBBIES and SPECIAL INTERESTS:

Experienced in creative ways to convince women to have sex

Amateur student of psychology: How to convince people to do anything

Yeah, it's OK, but he ain't no L. Ron Hubbard...

Yeah, but Hubbard ripped off his buddies LeVay, Gardener, and Crowley.

Well maybe "ripped off" isn't the right word. Sitting around getting drunk and saying "hey lets all start our own religons!"

Ahahahahaha this gave me a good laugh....plus if you read it all with a south park type lisp, its even better..

Ahhh Joseph Smith....king of the world, that alone should top anything anyone has ever had on a resume.

I bet Hitler's resume would seem pretty impressive too if you left off all of the evil parts. Just because someone has something to put on a resume doesn't mean they're not creepy.

Under leadership experience

King of the world

The hiring manager probably won't read past the first part of the resume because he would be laughing his ass off and inviting his co-workers in to see the resume of some nut case:

Education

Three years public school education

Attended seminars taught by: God the Father, Jesus Christ, Moroni, John the Baptist, Peter, James, John, Adam, Eve, Paul, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Elijah, Enoch, Nephi, Alma, Mormon etc. – Visited and taught by at least 58 great leaders from the past

I would say that Joseph Smith is adequately qualified to clean the toilets for free at the local chapel. He can start on Monday ;)

At least half of the things on this so called resume are bogus and embarrassing (not things most people would ever want to lay claim to saying they've "done")

And most of them are things he didn't do alone - he either plagiarized or had his minions do them for him

So really, it's not his own CV - it's the CV of Joe plus his brainwashed, mesmerized followers whom he dictated to

Certified Chickie Inspector (all cute girls welcome)

Doesn't his resume taken as a whole show a man who was good at what he did? Namely, he was good at being a religious leader and creating something that some people wanted to follow and buy into? He has some talents (to be a religious leader, or as some might say a shaman or fraud)?

One of the more amusing items in the resume.

>>>Enoch E. Dodge: "Every Saint who knew him loved him, and would have been willing to lay down his life for him if it had been necessary." (Young Woman's Journal, XVII, p. 544.)<<<

Except those who left the Church during Joseph Smith's lifetime, including the Three Witnesses, several Apostles, various counselors in the First Presidency, and many members. Apparently they didn't feel the love.

I know Randal Wright. His livelihood depends on the church (as an lds author, institute director, and lds circuit public speaker for pay).

A nice guy that has always painted rosy pictures and is prone to exageration.