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Posted by: foggy ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 12:24PM

It's been quite a while since I've posted, but I recently got a couple very unexpected and exciting phone calls, which got me wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences.

(For quick background, my younger brother and I are the only ones openly not living the TBM lifestyle out of both sides of our entire extended families.)

The first call was from my mother's younger sister. She was very nervous reaching out, even though she had been to my lovely non-temple wedding to my very non mormon husband. She was worried that I was still a believer, but had fallen into that horrible trap of accidentally falling in love with a non-member.

She confessed that she had been having doubts and had been doing some research. She was so encouraged when I listed a few of the very things that had been bugging her for so long. We had a very lovely long chat and we were both so relieved to know that we weren't each the only one in the family that could see the absurdity. (I was especially happy that she had stopped believing, because for her as an unmarried woman over the age of 19, I couldn't imagine how much pressure she was under, and how bad she had to feel.) We could have kept talking but were interupted when my uncle (her oldest brother) stopped by her house.

The next night I got a call from this uncle. At first I was a little scared because he had never called me before and from all appearences he was very TBM. I answered expecting a 'come unto Jesus' talk from him and an admonition for corrupting his precious sister. What I got was very different.

Apparently a few nights before he and my aunt had been in the middle of a conversation where they accidentally outed themselves to each other. They were both relieved to no longer be alone, and that's what gave my aunt the idea to reach out to me. (They had agreed not to out each other to anyone else, which is why he called himself)

So now that I know that 2 more of the adults in my family have had the strength to actually start questioning the way things are, I have been looking at everyone more carefully for any sign that they are also feeling alone. There are a few that I am pretty sure are just going with the flow to avoid the pain of rocking the boat.

Does anyone have any ideas on ways to approach them, or is it best to just wait until they reach out?

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Posted by: anon ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 12:48PM

I ran into 2 married RMs that outed themselves to me. I was dropping a few hints when one just came out and said he knew it was all BS. His father is a well known TBM and would be shocked to know.
The worrisome part is the fact that one lived in fear of his mega tbm wife divorcing him after just a couple years of marriage and a kid. She has his nuts in a vice over this and has demanded he change or hit the road.

sad and happy on that meeting those young men.

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Posted by: Stunted ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 12:50PM

A long time friend finally asked about my church status. For five years he has only heard one side of the story. That has come from his wife who was getting her info from my wife. It was no surprise that my version was a bit different from what he had heard......

Anyway, he's had is own doubts and as we all know, you can't unlearn things.... I'm pretty sure he won't be drinking any more Kool-aid even though he will still attend to try and keep the peace with this wife. It's nice having some one who gets it and gets me in the circle of friends that my wife and I share. This is the first but I hope not the last.

Stunted

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Posted by: awakening34 ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 12:56PM

foggy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Does anyone have any ideas on ways to approach
> them, or is it best to just wait until they reach
> out?

I look for anyone who has eyes open during a prayer and try to make eye contact. So far, only kids under about age 6 have looked back at me. But one day, one day someone will lock eyes with me and the spirit will testify to both of us that we're apostates.

Congrats on being a "light on the hill " for your relatives. The outing each other story is funny.

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Posted by: foggy ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 01:26PM

awakening34 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> Congrats on being a "light on the hill " for your
> relatives. The outing each other story is funny.


If you think that's funny, you'll love this.

My aunt has discussed the fact that she is having doubts with my grandmother (no specifics since she doesn't want to scare her 73 yr old mother) So my grandma knows about her, but not my uncle, and is keeping it all quiet.

My aunt also confided in my mother that she has had doubts. My mother (who also has no idea about her brother) has taken it upon herself to help bring her sister back, and also to make sure that their mother doesn't find out.

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Posted by: Topper ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 01:22PM


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