I lurked for about a year. Waiting that long was good for me. The search for a sincere testimony of polygamy brought me here, but I found so much more. The threads that helped me the most were ones that contained:

1.historical and doctrinal issues that were documented with LDS sources. I went to those sources and verified them myself. Ex. The head in the hat translation method. Once I confirmed over and over again that you all knew your stuff and you were right, I began to open mind to other topics on board.

2.your responses to apologists’ arguments. These threads help me weigh each side and prevent me from missing an important detail or fact that apologists overlook or don’t address.

3.your “pedigrees” for lack of a better term. Finding out how many years you had in the church, the callings you held, and your commitment to the gospel in general. It wasn’t so easy to dismiss your opinions and experiences when I read how deep you were in the gospel.

4.the reasons you left. I thought everybody was supposed to have been offended and wanted to sin. Wrong. This discovery was huge.

5.the changes in your life since you found out the truth. While many of you struggle with your familial relationships, the majority of you seem to have found a freedom and peace you had never known. I expected to hear how miserable you all were. I anticipated stories about bankruptcy from not paying tithing, being afflicted with all kinds of disease and pestilence and deep regret for leaving the church. Slowly, I began to let go of those fears in my life.

6.stories about missions, church meetings or activities which had a familiar feel to them even though I didn’t know any of the people involved. Some of them were so funny and brought levity to what was a very troubling process for me.

7.links to current events in the LDS church that I as a member outside of Utah didn’t know. Ex. City Creek Mall

8.the personal pain and struggles of homosexuals. I had already worked with a few and went to school with a few and had had positive interactions, but the mormon stereotypes persisted. Here, in probably the most humbling moments, you showed me your heart in a detail that I could only appreciate as a listener. Who knew you didn’t choose your orientation, want to molest children and have sex with as many people as possible 24/7?

9.critical analysis of faith and religion in general. Applying the same standards to other religions as we do to mormonism is a compelling intellectual exercise. Once I saw the worldwide bigger picture of the history of so many versions of god and religion, I knew I was missing the forest for the trees.

Lurkers – I know how shocking RFM is at first to TBM eyes. I couldn’t believe all the threads on drinking and masturbation. LOL. The first day of reading, I thought “these people really are sex-crazed drunks!”

But, I kept reading and my eyes were opened. Substance replaced perception, and I grew exponentially as a person. It's been a long journey, and I'm in a place I never thought I would be. I wouldn't change it for anything!

Right away, I was so excited to find people that are like me. The first post I read was actually by Steve Bensen's wife and I came across it accidently.

I hit Mormon think before I came here, so I only waited a week or so before posting on this board

I lurked for a week, I think, then plucked up the courage to post. It was a thread with Kymba and Sandisu posting. It might not even have been an on topic thread!

Timothy's Friday night "what are you drinking?" threads have been helpful, for me.

I have made so many friends here.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/26/2012 09:18PM by matt.

I exited the cult circa 1975. Never met another ExMo till I accidentally stumbled onto RFM in 1998.

Couldn't believe what I was reading. Jumped right in and asked "Where the hell have you people been?"

What a relief to suddenly realize that I was not alone!

Party on, mates!

Timothy

I lurked on and off for a couple years, then registered and found out I could actually resign from the church and then "came out" with my real name and I feel wonderful!

Ron Burr

long time ago, may be 8 years. Post seldom, read daily. Very helpful! All about cults, deception and money is very helpful.

9.critical analysis of faith and religion in general. Applying the same standards to other religions as we do to mormonism is a compelling intellectual exercise. Once I saw the worldwide bigger picture of the history of so many versions of god and religion, I knew I was missing the forest for the trees.

a few weeks/months i can't remember exactly, i think i found a diffrent site first the NOM one i think and a link led me here - i was looking up some facts, i didn't realise there was a forum for a while as i was on other parts of the site.

I think you hit it all Nancy. Good list. My experience is a little removed from many though.

I lurked a long time, about five or six months. I wasn't fresh off the TBM boat. When I had left decades before I was so glad to be rid of the church. I couldn't imagine why everyone wanted to talk about it all so much. 'Just get over it' I thought.

Then a couple of things made me realize that I had only buried it all. I had never dealt with anything because there was no RFM. There was no Google way back then. I thought I was the only one who left because it was a fraud. I thought I was the only one who wasn't just another jack-mo who still really believed.

All the facts about the church that I never knew--that I found here--blew my mind. I had never known any of that. I had only known for a short time before discovering this place that Joseph Smith had more than one wife. I had only my gut to go by when I left.

Then, I loved reading other experiences. I always thought that everyone else was having an OK time with the church. I finally found out I wasn't the only one who had been kicked while I was down.

I had no idea how really demeaning the church is to women. I was glad to know that now. The way native americans were treated. The pressure on the men. I never got that before. I knew how bad it was for me, but the broader picture was a valuable surprise.

I loved seeing people reclaim themselves. I loved seeing people so tickled by the 'new self' that they had discovered-- or should I say recovered?

And then the icing on the cake. There are so many that are so damn clever and so damn funny.

They do such a good job with covering up the act that people leave.
This part of your post really leapt out at me. I too thought I was the only one to leave who hadn't done so just to live the wild life.

I listened to John Dehlin. Went to a NOM site that seemed way too bland. It seemed like they still didn't get the picture. I then read MormonThink from beginning to end. I was done.


I started reading RFM. The next day I cut up my temple get up and logged on to tell what a relief it was. Something about doing that set me free.

to me it seemed like RFM people were more honest about their experiences as mo's. How could anyone talk about it with out at least one swear word?

How true, about the swear word. I'm having fun exploring those!

I'll be honest, I had just declared that I didn't believe Mormonism was true (in my mind) and was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and wasn't sure what to do (hence my screen name).

I came here, posted, and immediately realized there was life after Mormon death and not only that, I am doing quite well now.

I have to say it wasn't the threads themselves, but the people willing to listen/read and add their input. Real people in real situations just like me. The same helped me when I was realizing I would deal with Tourette's for the rest of my life likely as well. People in the same situation giving advice to those in different stages in their lives.

So, a thank you to the people here.

The posts that helped me most were personal experiences from those who grew up Mormon. As an adult convert, I simply did not understand the culture. I did not know about Bishop's interviews on sex topics with kids as young as 12. I had no frame of reference for the agony that is the 2-year missionary experience.

My gut told me to get my kids OUT of the church. However, I had no idea how accurate my uneasy feelings were. Turns out my instincts were dead-on. I learned that being raised in the the LDS church can cause permanent psychological and emotional damage (I knew it!)

Plus, I grew to love the humor and irreverence of many threads! I was absolutely horrified when I saw a poster refer to the Prophet as "The Hinkster." They were breaking TEMPLE COVENANTS with their evil-speaking of the Lord's Annointed! Now I'm probaby one of the worst offenders at mocking church leaders.

Good thread. Thanks.

;o)

I have been lurking for a year. I wrote the info below in another thread, but it seems to fit this one too.

Last year, through internet searching on the history of tithing, I found this website, NOM and Mormonthink & others. I was afraid the church would find out I was trolling the internet for these websites---but forced myself to read because I needed more information about tithing. The big stories in the forums at that time were about the City Creek mall and how billions of church money funded this behemoth. I remember GBH saying in conference that no tithing money was used to pay for this mall. I always wondered about the source of this church money that was not tithing. I felt that all money's received by the church was tithing to the Lord and all of it should be used for church business like helping those in need, supporting the church infrastructure, etc. But I trusted GBH & the other GAs because the prophet would never steer us wrong.

However, RFM forums and stories, NOM, Mormonthink, and John Dehlin's podcasts shed light on murky church finances, Joe's peep stone, not helping members financially, even after these members have paid thousands and thousands in tithing; the church raking in millions a year in tithing but allocating a tiny fraction back to the wards; fired janitors & member cleaning, Steve Benson's story, the McClays story, PoGP, Joe's adultery and polygamy, Joe's involvement in the Bogg's shooting, BY's murders & thefts, Grant Palmer & Michael Quinn's podcasts and others.

In addition, all the autobiographies of why people left were very helpful to break the ingrained peridigm that people would never choose to leave the true church.

I cried about my marriage and life and people held out their hand. It gave me such strength I could never have mustered on my own. No one judged me, only gave me good advice and comfort. Took me about 4 months to post.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2012 12:20AM by suckafoo.

I left the church over 20 years ago. I had lots of issues, but not much accurate information. About 10 years ago my girls told me about this site. I spent weeks reading the short topics, and having almost constant WTF moments. I got so saturated with everything that I would not come here for months at a time, then I would be reading constantly again. About 2 years ago I started reading the forum and finally made my first post ever about a year ago. I rarely post anything. Even online I am pretty introverted, but I read here a lot. It is amazing the support and understanding found here even for those who don't say much.

If RFM had existed in 1972 I would have left the church then.

I'm so glad I found it when I did. Better late than never.

It's given me the information that I needed to be absolutely sure about my decision to leave. I have no doubts.

I lurked for several months before I started posting. I was lucky in a way that I didn't find RFM until after I had left my TBM ex-husband and filed for divorce as he would have had a major fit if he found out I was reading "anti" sites.

I lurked for about three months before I started posting. That was 5 years ago - almost to the day (I started in september 2007...). I was mostly interested in the doctrinal threads and the psychological effects of leaving a cult. I really needed to know how to live my life without TSCC. Being BIC I had NO idea and I felt distraught and helpless.

There was a poster back then called "queen bee". She somehow managed to find the right words to re-assure me that life without TSCC is rich and wonderful and totally worth exploring and encouraged me to let go of my fears and doubts about the plan of salvation and life after death and just start enjoying this life.

I read all the stories that were on the front page. There were about 70 of them at the time. As we might expect, the overall theme was that "I wasn't the only person who felt/thought this way."

After the stories, I moved over to the BB. I could read ALL of them in 30 or 45 minutes. As I recall, it was a lot more benign then, or one could say it's a lot more exciting now. Certainly larger and faster moving!

I don't remember how long it took me before I posted... but, usually I am more of an observer and throw in a few things here and there when needed.

As with the internet in general, this page allowed access to information that wasn't as easily/readily available. There were some great "pioneers" who researched and put it all together.

I didn't lurk at all. I came straight here to thank everyone for helping my husband when he was trying to figure out how to come clean with me. I'd never heard of RfM before. Any threads that contain factual doctrinal issues vs. the ones mocking Mormons are the most helpful. I truly care for my TBM friends, but I couldn't continue as an active member given the falsity of the doctrine. This forum has been a great resource for truth.

I think I first came here about the middle of July.

I lurked a few days, and it was the stories that got me. There were so many similarities. I was so happy to find so many people who had experienced the same thing.

I read the majority of the website first. It took a couple weeks. I noticed the forums were here but didn't look until I had finished most of the archived topics, etc.
I've been a member of other forums, so I leaped right into the forums once I was done with the rest of the site.

And my hands shook every time I came here for probably the first year.

I never succeeded in making myself a good believer, so I don't have that "pedigree" :p, but boy did they ever succeed in installing guilt mechanisms. Although I'm not real sure where church leaves off and my dysfunctional family takes over in that regard. They are super TBM in the extreme, so it does all come back to the church, but their own personal issues are layered on top of the mess that is a "proper TBM family".

Been here since 2006.

I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who left and didn't become a minion of evil. I'm chaotic good at the worst. :p

Most helpful? Everything that confirmed my nebulous dislike of TSCC. I didn't really quite know why I disliked it so much. I knew I couldn't stand it one minute longer, but everything on this site articulated it so much better than I could spontaneously.

The sexism and racism was pretty obvious, but I didn't really realize just how incredibly gender role rigid they were until my mid twenties. Even though I was pushing against it the whole time. I had to meet people who accept me for ME first in order to really feel the hurt.

i lurked for about a week before i posted, (i particularly enjoyed the kotex head story) it was amazing to find out all this stuff that i just didn't know while i was in the church

I posted occasionally, unregistered with my first name after a few years, and then last year I decided to register with my current moniker and I now post occasionally.

My beef with Mormonism is first and foremost the illogical doctrine.

I was so mentally tortured when I found this site, it was a life saver.
I had walked away from church without all of this knowledge. My mental state was very poor.
RFM caught me. Listened to my ramblings. Let me post when I didn't know what the hell I was doing.
Sorted me out
Supported me
Cared
Made jokes good for the soul
Got me to laugh and let me know there was firm basis for my cog-dissonance. No one else understood my hell but here.
I realized that when it came to the Mo, I was NOT the crazy one rofl!

thxs!!