It's not personal. No need to react. Stay calm and recognize what is about me and what is about someone else.
(Didn't hit on this great advice at first, but I got to it eventually.)

Even when people direct personally derogatory or accusatory or critical comments to us, this is not about is, it's about them.


This is the essence of "common sense" in my view. (Of course, if more people had it it would be more common!)

This is referred to as "toltec" wisdom, but it's just common sense much of which I learned from my family as a small child as I was taught much the same thing and not a one of them is "toltec" :-)

http://www.toltecspirit.com/

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Try it, you might like it! :-)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/08/2012 02:18PM by SusieQ#1.

MexMom Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> n/t

So do I! I post somethings just for my own reminders! :-)

"When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering."

...but you may be an insufferable, self righteous pain in the ass who inflicts needless suffering on others.

I do agree with your first statement "Stay calm and recognize what is about me and what is about someone else." The second statment seems to violate that idea.

When I try to reduce my suffering, rather than being immune to the opinions and actions of others, I try to get a good view of what inspired the opinions and actions. I can't stress about the things I have no control over, but most likely there is something I can learn and behaviors I can improve. Unless you are dealing with a real piece of work and you are approaching sainthood, there is most likely a part of the interaction that you own, that is about you. When you recognize it, you can let go of the parts that are not about you and improve the things that are about you.

It's very important to understand what is about someone else and what is about you.

“Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally... Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”
― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

This is one of the most strongest true statements I have ever read and slowly began to understand. NOTHING others do is because of ME.

I cannot and will not take on any blame for how others behave. This is not easy to get a handle on. We tend to want to find fault with ourselves and blame ourselves for things out of our control.

More on the subject:

2. Don't take anything personally. The first agreement suggests that we avoid treating others hurtfully. The second agreement provides us with a way of dealing with potentially hurtful treatment from others. Because each person sees the world in a unique way, the way that others treat us says as much about them as it does about us. To not take anything personally is to acknowledge the unique identities of other people. We respect their subjective realities, realizing that their views do not necessarily describe us accurately.