This is just too heart breaking!! I want to cry!! I sent a snail mail (after trying emailing, calling & texting) to an old friend & her husband whom I have known for decades & is still a mormon & I told them I wanted to visit w/ them at least once during my 5 day visit to SLC. Here is their reply:
"Dear Benee Kent,
You asked in your letter "What's wrong?"
We are having a difficult time. Our schedule will not permit us to spend time with you during your visit to Salt Lake Valley.
We enjoyed some of your texts and thank you for their positive tones.
I have concerns about some of the content of other emails and your affiliation with the "Ex-mormon Group". They seem to have an anti-mormon bearing. We are not very sympathetic to their sentiments.
I realize that you have made friendship efforts in spite of our active affiliation with the current COJCOLDS. These have not gone unnoticed.
We answered that we have no sympathies or supported no splinter group who oppose the church in our interviews with our church leaders to obtain temple recommends. I wonder where you stand and just how aggressively you oppose the LDS faith? J. said "She's on and off about it."
Also I have a concern that your animals may have a negative effect on my home.
Schedule commitments are to family and church. Can't change them.
Sincerely
D.F."

Ouch! It hurts to find out that your 'friendship' was based only on your common religious affiliation - without that there is no basis for continued association.

You could send them the link of Holland claiming that Mormon's don't shun and that he would never do such a thing......



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/12/2012 01:48PM by caedmon.

If that's not a cult, I don't know what is.

I am so sorry, this really hurts. But at least you know where you stand with them.
One more piece of evidence that this is a cult.

I would write back with your disappointment in their cultlike behavior and now it has been confirmed that LDS, Inc. is indeed a cult.

It is NOT you!

In fact from her letter you have been trying to stay in touch. It hurts a lot. I empathize

Yes, the "friendship" was not what you thought. It's OK. There might also be others that fall out. You have to be ready for that.

She was as honest as a TBM can get. Be grateful to know where you stand before wasting anymore time.

I am sorry for your experience but it is common, so sorry, yes they are that shallow.

I'm truly sorry that you had to go through this. I experienced a very similar fate last year. It was horrible to say the least and I still have anxiety attacks when my (ex)friend's name is brought up. It's just too painful. (((hugs)))

but more sorry for them.

They are obviously missing out on a good friend who desires to remain a friend— and they are letting their authoritarian religion tell them who they should be friends with. It's just sad.

How very hurtful... It's horrible to find out this way that people who you thought were friends, really aren't. A real friend wouldn't think twice about your religious status, so often Mormon's do.

If it's any consolation, and it's probably not, they do not sound like the nicest people. "your animals may have a negative effect on my home"... Who says that!?! It's like they needed another excuse for not having you over because she knew that what they were saying about the church was lame... But really, couldn't meet at a restaurant or ask other arrangements could be made for your pets? (animals, really? what are you carrying around? crocodiles?) But, I digress...

That's pretty awful. I don't think I've ever seen it spelled out as explicitly as that. Usually folks with this mindset are more passive aggressive.

Easier said than done, but I'd try to move on and not think about them any more.

I know you're hurt, but honestly, those people are awfully wishy-washy. I mean, which is it? Their schedule too full (yeah right)? Your ex-mormon habits? Your animals? Geez, I mean pick one and go with that instead of a laundry list of pot shots at you.

You can do much better in the friends dept.

How very Christ-like. I am so sorry. That is gut-wrenching, and awful. Just another example of why I left the church. I think you should take that letter to your friends' bishop and ask if this is what is meant by the temple recommend question and if they would lose their recommends for associating with you.

WOW....That is some messed up thinking. Basically she is cutting herself off from anyone and anything not LDS. She sounds like she is afraid. Afraid of losing what she believes. When I told my friend about BOA, she told me I would be held accountable if her faith falters because of anything I have said to her. This person sounds the same. Either they are scared or really full of loathing of anything that doesn't fall in line with themselves.

translation:

We understand you have discovered a world outside our hamster cage. Good luck with that, we prefer to stay in our hamster cage, with our hamster friends, running on our hamster wheel, eating our hamster food and pooping in our hamster wood chips. Please don't bother us with anything more interesting than our cage.

Wow, I mean wow.

At least you're finding out who your real friends are and aren't.

I'll be your friend, as long as you believe that only Joseph Smith was allowed to threaten and marry 14 year old girls and con people into paying him to find buried treasure.

Sorry to hear that. Shunning proves it is a cult. Didn't Christ mingle with the sinners?

The best way to find someone's true nature is to oppose their beliefs. That comes from some philosophic quote and is highly corrupted. Anyone remember it?

I'm sorry you got such awful news and found out someone wasn't who you thought they were.

That's one of the coldest, most heartless notes I've ever read. The very phrasing, it seems, was chosen to come off as detached and non-emotional as possible. Does this person talk that way?

I'm very sorry -- I know this is painful -- but I think your "friend" has done you a favor. Most TBMs will never come right out and say why they're shunning you. At least this one had the class to be up front about it.

I agree with dogzilla.
That was cold.
The upside is that now you know that they don't like being around people who don't agree with their beliefs.
They must have a very, very sheltered life.

Wow. I know that hurts, but it shows that LDS, Inc is really a cult. After all, one thing cults do is isolate believers from everyone else, especially if someone decides to leave the cult. One thing about leaving the Mormon cult is that you find out quickly who your real friends are. These people were never your real friends, and it does hurt when you find that out.

You can come visit ME anytime, and bring your animals too.

Sad to see that kind of cult shunning. I would reply and leave the ball in their court.Also, as mentioned above, refer to Holland's BS quote as well as use the word cult as many times as you can. This is the kind of crap that makes me scared to reveal my non belief.

And Jesus taught the sinner, the sick, the poor and afflicted (paraphrasing)

"Love thine enemy, love thy neighbor, feed my sheep"
-Jesus

WHAT IS WRONG WITH TBMs? WHAT LESSON ARE THEY NOT LISTENING TO?

I would write your friend back and say,

"I'm sorry to learn that you feel that way, but the Christ I would like to follow taught (site some scriptures). If the church you follow teaches, or influences you to act that way and treat your friends that way, then I am glad I no longer participate and feel I made the right decision. Furthermore, I think I will submit your letter to the a few newspapers and other media outlets, so people may see the type of influence the church has over its members and what it teaches them. This may be newsworthy and relevant given the current presidential election in November. I appreciate your candid response in exposing the true nature of Mormonism. And, unlike you, I don't abandon my friends and loved ones and have a different understanding of Christs message. But, again, your letter should prove as a good example so others might understand a little more about the TSCC."

Anyway, something like that.

I don't even know what to say. They've noticed your friendship efforts yet they can't return the sentiment... good grief. You deserve better friends than that Java'sMom.

I'm sorry. That was such a cruel letter.

I am so sorry and I feel your pain. My own sister told me that she was disappointed in me and she can't understand why I am still being blessed when I don't follow any of the "Lord's commandments." It really hurt but then I realized that it is her problem and if her big reason for doing what she feels is right is so she gets blessed then I feel sorry for her. Hang in there and you will find true friends who love you for who you are.

Dear D.F.

Of course I asked “What’s wrong?” I’ve sent e-mails, I’ve texted and I’ve also phoned you without any reply so I was worried about you. That's what friends do.

I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time. Is it a test of your faith or have you been sinning? I don’t judge so either way I hope things get better.

Yes I know about the church making one’s schedule pretty busy. I understand. The Mormon church does tend to take away a lot of time from family and friends (you know friends being the other ‘family’ that one chooses in life).

I’m glad you have enjoyed some of my texts. Yes their tone is quite positive because I’ve never been so happy in all my life. Actually, I’ve never known such happiness was possible.

Don’t worry about the concerns you have about my ‘affiliations’ with the group of ex-mormons. They are not anti-mormon but rather pro-truth. I don’t understand why you would feel not very sympathetic to their sentiments since you actually do not know their sentiments.

Yes I do make friendship efforts in spite of our difference of beliefs because I’ve always valued our friendship. To me a person is more than just their beliefs. And I think that we should indeed ‘love one another’. Love is such an important part of life.

The question in the interview is not about if you associate with one ex-mormon but with a group opposing the church. I’m not a group but my own-self and I’m not trying to change you or your husband. I had only wanted to share something that I had discovered with someone I always considered a friend.

If I cannot visit you at home, I’d be glad to meet up with you in a restaurant or a park or any place you’d feel comfortable.

Well, since you knew schedule commitments made it impossible to meet up with me, I wonder why you did not just send me an e-mail saying just that. It would have saved you a lot of trouble trying to come up with a list of excuses, huh, I mean reasons why you don’t, huh, I mean can’t meet with me during my trip.

I will just end by saying that you seem to be very rigid in your commitments so I'd like to share this quote with you: “Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind”.

Sincerely
Benee Kent

perfection

This quote-on-quote friend doesn't sounds like someone who wants to listen to sound arguments.

She's made up her mind and facts aren't going to change it.

THAT'S NOT A FRIEND AT ALL.

(((hugs)))

WOW!!! See it's an effed up cult that you can't treat nicely. they are in a trance and asleep. They do not know any better. I have not heard from any of my Mormon friends and if I do it's super casual like I am heading to hell and they feel all bad for me. They are retreating to the hills... they think the end of the world is coming. They are real weird cause of the cult they are in. Yep- it's a cult again. I am referring to it as a cult once again. I am so sorry, that was probably a painful thing to read and feel. I know they are talking crap about me left and right behind my back and that's why you have to slay the dragon in that one scale that is exposed-- AGGRESSIVELY!! NOT PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY!! I AM a reckless revolutionary- I have a cult to kill- that should have been slayed oh say early 1900's at the latest. Now my generation is playing clean up(so much science to back up every claim)- bring it on biotches and just wake up!! There is no such thing as evil- it is the dark side that is represented by Saturn- Every generation is invited to play along- Don't take it to heart girl- they are smaller than you



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/12/2012 07:46PM by holistic.

Studying the tarot the last couple of months- I know a good place to start people!!- it has been transformative for me- it taps into your subconscious and tells you what is going on- it's an oracle(it's not evil and may seem "foolish" at first but it really does work!).

Try and channel the Fool card to get back on track- if you feel off track- regardless of what wiki says the fool use to not be that great of a card when it came up in a spread but now that they know more about it and society it is a good card. It represents man before the fall. It is a good thing and then you are able to build on the other trump cards that can transform you further in understanding the human-soul psyche. go to tarot .com and start your journey! Stop worrying so much about their creepy church if you can... I still think about it a lot, how can you not. wow.. that was a mean letter once again.

We have to counter act the Mormon church with level heads and help them! You guys and gals can do it. I am just starting too!

I'd never initiate another conversation with that person -- but I'd sure save the letter to remind me what I escaped.

Let's face it, someone like that would have stood by while your throat was cut if his/her church authorities said that's what God requires.

Obviously this so called "friend" has not heard of The Surmon on the Mount. Oh yes, so Christian.

Cold and heartless. My sympathies.

They're fair-weather friends only. I'm really sorry. It is a heart-breaking letter. But besides being absolutely tactless and without class, they're simpletons. Anybody who can't remain your friend just because you've changed religion is in no way worthy of your friendship.

It's interesting that the LDS church has a loyalty test in the form of a temple recommend interview. In the minds of Mormons, if you associate with apostates, it may be cause to fail that one question, thus threatening your status with the church.

I've told many, many Catholics over the years that although I was raised Catholic, I no longer practice the faith. I've never once had a negative reaction. In fact, practicing Catholics generally get it becasue they are well aware of the problems with the church. An oddly, there is almost instant fellowship. Catholics try to find common ground even when a member has left.

If a church member is truly stong in his or her faith, why would it trouble that member that someone has left? Why would it threaten their faith? It's almost like Mormons have a fundamental insecurity. Tell them your POV about the church and they are likely to put their fingers in their ears and sing, "La la la la la."

At least, you got an honest reply. This is good info. You know where they stand, and how to deal with them in the future if you decide to do so. (Probably not!) This is their reality, not yours, of course. This is about them, not you.

Yes, some people can not deal with other people's changes when it comes to religion. They are either living in fear, or unable to understand other people's choices.

In the long run, it's good to know which ones so you can avoid them and make changes in your group of friends.

Bummer.

Consider sending your former friend a quick text to convey how you feel, and place the responsibility where it belongs...maybe something like:

I got your letter. I am so sorry you feel that way. I had anticipated our long friendship would continue, but I understand your disquiet in regards to the church and its policies. I feel it unfortunate, but I will cherish the memories and my door will always be lovingly open to you and yours if you ever again feel the spirit of friendship.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/12/2012 09:38PM by nofear.

This does not sound to me like an honest expression from long-time friends. It is so stilted,it almost sounds like the product of a committee.I can see your friend and her husband bringing your email to the bishops office and him helping your friends to compose a reply to you.

The thoughts don't flow naturally one to another, for example, the animal comment sounds like something that was inserted after the rest was already composed, like someone said, "And didn't you tell me their cat shed all over your sofa last time she visited?"

Their response only lacked some 18th century language like "stalwart" or "abomination." They may have wanted to be sure to keep their temple recommends...

It certainly doesn't sound personal.

Sorry for your pain!


Anagrammy

PS> the temple question is one of the several Great Unknowns about Mormonism that are going to jolt people if Mitt makes it to the White House.