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Posted by: idahodreaming ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 02:37PM

I lived as a never mo in Utah for three years in a 90% mormon area. I think it took some recovery time to adjust to normal people when I moved. Where I live now I have a convert friend who has never lived in Utah. I find her much different than most BIC Utah mormons. So here is the situation. Her 20 year old daughter goes to a church school and was home on break this summer and developed an interest in one of the missionaries here. They had oral sex. She went back to school and continued to talk by phone to the missionary back home and someone tattled. Weeks went by and then her parents were informed by the local bishop that the kids had oral sex and that the missionary was sent home five months early and disfellowshipped and that their daughter would be dismissed from school. And two weeks later that happened. She had to go to some tribunal or something and she was dismissed and disfellowshipped. She will be moving to another state now to go to school at a non church school and according to her mother, her papers will be sent so that the bishop and/or stake pres can follow up with her and monitor her repentance while she is at her new school. Now my friend is heartbroken that this has happened, but sees nothing wrong about men in three different states discussing her daughter's sexual life. My question isn't about whether what they did was right or wrong - she had an honor code as a student at a church school and he had rules of the mission. My question is how to open the discussion with my friend about all these people knowing about her daughter. I can't just blurt out that there is something very wrong about men discussing the sexual activity of someone they don't even know because my friend probably wouldn't listen. I just need suggestions for an opening so I can point it out and hopefully get her to think about it. Thanks.

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Posted by: olive ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 02:57PM

Unfortunately, too many churches think that this type of thing is acceptable. No type of relationship outside of marriage is what's ok. Weird thing is, if these kids had just met, got engaged, got married and then done it all within a matter of weeks (what is it the saying? engaged in 3 months, married at 6 months?) then everything would be okey dokey. That's why so many get married so young. No reasonable person would be expected to hold out until they found their one and only, so they find their living and breathing member of the opposite gender and bam! suddenly a few months or years later, they're thinking "how could I have done this? I didn't even KNOW them!"

The disfellowshipping thing is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. My husband is currently disfellowshipped and it's like everyone knows but no one says anything. My MIL was actually ordered by the bishop to stop talking about that's how much her tongue wags. It's ridiculous that you can't say prayers in public or take the sacrement. Just my 2 cents but if you're on a "wayward path" wouldn't it be better to encourage them to pray and partake and join in activities or whatever? No, it's just a shunning process that uses embarrassment to order others in line.

I feel bad for your friend's daughter. It's so natural for people that young to do stuff. Here's hoping they find their way out soon enough.

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